We were on a breaaaak!!!!
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We were on a breaaaak!!!!

posted at 7/11/2009 12:52 PM GMT
Total posts: 191
First post: 5/7/2008
Last post: 16/11/2009

sorry, i love that quote from Ross in Friends!!

Anyway - I AM on a break.  Myself and my partner have been having a few problems for a while, mostly from me not being happy...and it came to a head the other day and I had this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach and I just felt I needed out/something was seriously wrong.

I dont want to lose him, I love him so much but we/I needed to address things in the relationship that are not working and whether they can so we can move forward.

What im asking the bag is are breaks good? do they and can they work? I cant help feeling if i need a break, I know its over - or at least thats what others seem to be telling me....and think that my actions are proving.

Im sat here alone, in our lovely place which we love, and I miss him but I am going over and over things and one minute im preparing to move on, and the other im thinking of ways to make it work, is this healthy? Is this the idea of a break? 

Re: We were on a breaaaak!!!!

posted at 7/11/2009 1:46 PM GMT
Total posts: 1348
First post: 12/8/2007
Last post: 19/11/2009
I think a break can be useful - give yourselves some space and time apart to assess what you both REALLY want.

As long as you are using the time do reflect properly, I don't think it can be anything but useful.

But (and isn't there always a but!) if you are using the notion of a "break" to let your partner down gently then that's not fair.  If you haven't made up your mind though, it seems sensible to me.

At this point in time do you think that your relationship issues are solvable?  If so, then maybe use this time to work out how.

xx

"and that's all i have to say about that..."

Re: We were on a breaaaak!!!!

posted at 7/11/2009 8:24 PM GMT
Total posts: 13
First post: 3/11/2009
Last post: 19/11/2009
I agree breaks can be good, if there are problems that need adressing time apart can give you time to reflect on them and work out where your going wong. However too many breaks would suggest something is seriously wrong.

Missing him is good, on a break form my bf i realised how important he was to me ( it took me a while) but i also thought to myself if i dont get him back now, he may meet someone else and i couldnt take that risk. I realised now i was just scared, and since that break i have out mself into the relationship 100%.


what were the problems? was he unhappy too? are the problems just everyday issues or is it real issues that are rocking the relationship?

I hope you find the answer, real love is so hard to find. I know now that when it comes along you should fight for it and if he is the one, then its through the rough patches you should work harder because its the bad days that make the good days so good.

S1984 x

Re: We were on a breaaaak!!!!

posted at 7/11/2009 9:25 PM GMT
Total posts: 3274
First post: 23/7/2003
Last post: 18/11/2009
personally i've found that if you need a break then the relationship isn't going to work long term. sorry.

Re: We were on a breaaaak!!!!

posted at 9/11/2009 7:43 AM GMT
Total posts: 10
First post: 26/10/2009
Last post: 16/11/2009
Breaks can be very good.

Sometimes a break can make you both realise how much you miss each other and need to sort your problems out.. Also they can make you realise that you do have some problems that cant be sorted or wont...

However in the long run it is good to help you figure out in your head how you feel.

How is he taking to the break?

B. x

Re: We were on a breaaaak!!!!

posted at 9/11/2009 10:39 AM GMT
Total posts: 4654
First post: 25/6/2006
Last post: 11/11/2009
i dont know if breaks are good, you would need to define to each other what a break would mean for both of you. its a step away from breaking up you may both need to be very honest and open with each other.  its its just time apart then this can be good for you but you both need to be on teh same page.
do-it.org


be the change in your life

Re: We were on a breaaaak!!!!

posted at 9/11/2009 1:13 PM GMT
Total posts: 2407
First post: 1/4/2005
Last post: 19/11/2009
Sorry but I agree with Ceammi and Igloo. I dont think that breaks can be very healthy for a relationship, and in my experience tends to lead to further detriment down the line for the reasons of why it happened and how to prevent it happening again.

You both need to use the time wisely to establish where the issues are and whether they are things that can be fixed. Just remember that you cant change the person, only the situation.
Daisypath Vacation tickers

Re: We were on a breaaaak!!!!

posted at 13/11/2009 1:41 PM GMT
Total posts: 10
First post: 13/11/2009
Last post: 16/11/2009
for me i found breaks dont work, because with me and my ex there was the question as to was it therefore ok to see other people , so were we just friends. I actually moved back to near my parents on a 'break' and utlimatly it ended because he slept with someone else, which i guess in fairness if its break then its not cheating, however i resented him for it that he didnt want to be with me enough to just have some time to himself. therefore we split as to him the break was time to see what else was about, for me it was to have some space for each other.

Re: We were on a breaaaak!!!!

posted at 13/11/2009 6:45 PM GMT
Total posts: 2094
First post: 10/10/2005
Last post: 13/11/2009

god, i could have written that post a few weeks ago!

my partner and i had a 'break', mainly that he moved back to his mom's for a bit to give each other some space and we're better than ever. i think although we were happy together, i had a bereavement which i found difficult to deal with and all my emotions shut off and i just wasnt enjoying anything anymore and my partner found my moods difficult. i would pick fights for no reason. i'm not saying i was the bad one, he wasn't pulling his weight in the house etc and i felt like i was holding everything together.

but, this break apart has put everything in perspective and we appreciate each other more. i came home after a hard day yesterday to a candlelit bath, but unfortunately relationships do have to be worked at - i never used to think that and thought love would conquor all, but as long as you do still love each other a break will do you good, but if deep down you dont love each other, it wont help, like someone else said, it will make things worse.

only you know if you want to stick this out. but i would agree 'terms and conditions'  - ie like on friends, how would you feel if on this break, he slept with / kissed someone else?

Re: We were on a breaaaak!!!!

posted at 13/11/2009 6:56 PM GMT
Total posts: 1348
First post: 12/8/2007
Last post: 19/11/2009
Really glad things worked out for you shufflebum! x

"and that's all i have to say about that..."

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