Forums » Relationships » Relationships » unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 4/7/2009 12:10 PM BST
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Total posts: 298
First post: 20/4/2008 Last post: 18/11/2009 |
Just a question To the people who have been ignored before-did you ever find out a reason? Or hear from them again? I'm just at a loss of how to move on when I haven't even been told anything by him-to just be forgotten about :S |
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 4/7/2009 1:44 PM BST
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Total posts: 2888
First post: 30/8/2008 Last post: 15/11/2009 |
Still, I say Pink - don't send it. Its not the way to go - that how you feel and you've the right to feel like that. And more. He does not care at all about your feelings. He will tut at your letter. he will think you are mad, over reacting, over emotional, he may possibely not even to bother reading passed the forst two lines. Do not give this arse any way, at all, to do any more damage than he already has. You can't say to him that its over as you will not be treated like dirt etc etc. You have 'allowed' it if you send this mail - do you see ??? A guy who treats you like that has already ended it - its not your choice to do it. Sweetheart, you're looking for answers and you won't ever get the ones you want, as sometimes, you just have to chalk it up to experience and learn lessons. Honestly, the best thing now is completely block and delete and to try to keep busy and don't dwell on this. You have done nothing wrong, this is not about you, its about him. Please hon, just stop this soul searching and let it go, it makes me so sad to think of you breaking your heart over this total tosser. You and I, shall be friends until we are old and senile. |
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 4/7/2009 1:56 PM BST
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Total posts: 298
First post: 20/4/2008 Last post: 18/11/2009 |
But what kind of lesson am I supposed to learn? Not to trust anyone again as anyone can be an arse? The only lessons that I've learnt at all from guys is that they are idiots and will eventually hurt me anyway. There was nothing before that could have warned me for this so I can't look for it next time. I will never have control over this situation so of course I am going to feel helpess. Ignoring him or sending him an email-either way I'm still helpless in this situation so what am I supposed to do? Just wait for the pain to one day stop? And why should I do that? So I can be happy, maybe one day meet someone and for this to happen again? Friends are saying "you're such a wonderful person, you'll meet someone better" but they said that last time and I thought he was and its like this all over again. The only experience I have to do with guys ends up as a horrible one. So how can I put this down to experience and to learn lessons from this? I can't just forget about him. It doesn't work like that |
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 4/7/2009 2:11 PM BST
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Total posts: 2888
First post: 30/8/2008 Last post: 15/11/2009 |
We've all been there Pink, all of us, even us old crusties. You will learn lessons, we all do - of course its not that you never trust a man again. And the way you feel, makes us all feel like all men are shites, someone wrote about it after reading your thread, someone who is having a hard time of her own. You will learn lessons but sometimes these don't appear until a while after the dust settles and the emotions have calmed down. Sometimes, things go wrong - it just happens, like an accident. there are no signs, no warnings - just bam. You can just forget about him - as far as HE is concerned you can. It'll take you time to move on, but he doen't need to see any of that, does he. This works now, how you need it to and there is nothing you can do to him that makes this be OK and nothing you say to him that will make you feel better. Get out, leave your phone and computer off - go for a walk, clean the house, anything. You will be OK and you will be over this quicker than you think you ever will be. Where's your Mum ?? You and I, shall be friends until we are old and senile. |
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 4/7/2009 2:38 PM BST
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Total posts: 1393
First post: 26/10/2005 Last post: 4/11/2009 |
In Response to Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...: I woke up today just confused. All last night I couldn't help think about everything that was good about him and it's just stuffed my head. I can't believe I don't have a single answer as to why this has happened :( Posted by thepinkshoe That's the worst part hun, not knowing what on earth caused the sudden change. The simple answer is, stop torturing yourself! Is knowing why going to change the way you feel about how he's treating you now? It sucks, it hurts like hell, but you've got to think of you and believe that you deserve to be treated much, MUCH better than this. Don't hold on for an excuse that is not going to be worth the amount of pain he's putting you through. Sorry if i am speaking out of turn x x x |
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 4/7/2009 3:10 PM BST
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Total posts: 12944
First post: 29/1/2005 Last post: 10/10/2009 |
I have to say, I agree with Mr Mannering. Whether you send the email or not - nothing changes.. you still won't be getting any answers from him. You send it - tell him exactly how you feel and he can see how much he has hurt you.. and you'll be thinking 'maybe he'll get in contact when he reads it'.. but then you'll be waiting, and waiting and waiting and you won't get anything and then you'll be thinking 'But he now knows how I feel and yet he's still not contacting me' and you might feel even more crap. He won't care - if he did, he would have contacted you by now... In some ways, I do think that sending him an email will boost his ego and I would want to make damn sure that didn't happen, by cutting him out of my life in exactly the way you are doing - deleting him from facebook... deleting him and blocking him from MSN.... NOT by sending him an emotional email saying 'I cared for you THIS much and you have hurt me loads' as he'll be thinking 'Hah, I'm so great... she really loved me and is hurt...' before deleting it and going back to getting drunk and behaving in a disgusting manner with other women. Not all men are like this - No, you can't just forget about him.. but you have very few choices as he has made his and that is - to not contact you... therefore you can either 1) wait untill perhaps, maybe he does contact you, 2) continue trying to contact him or 3) Not contact him and try and move on. It's an utterly crap situation you are in and I would be angry, more than anything... angry that he is so spineless that he couldn't even say 'it's over' or reply to your messages. Therefore, if you *do* want to send something.... let it be a very short and sweet message along the lines of 'Obviously it's over - I feel saddened that you could not do the decent thing and let me know, I never thought you to be a coward and feel it's best if I move on and find someone who can treat me with respect and not ignore me, Regards.....' He's pathetic, but right now... he doesn't care - So whilst you can't turn your feelings off like a robot, you can occupy your time so that your feelings are slightly protected and you're not constantly thinking about this. You really have taken the first step to sticking two fingers up at him and saying 'I deserve better' |
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 4/7/2009 4:26 PM BST
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Total posts: 298
First post: 20/4/2008 Last post: 18/11/2009 |
Mr Mannering-I live at home still. Mum's been trying to help but today I just wanted my time to cry instead of hold it in so I could be alone. It's nice knowing that she is doing things-have booked some tickets to a movie-nothing with love in it which is great. I had a long talk with one of my best friends just then which was nice-she's never judged me and has always told me that it is always up to me and she won't force me into anything or add her opinion too forcefully. We talked about how it really is going to be a fresh start for me. I quit swimming, not with bf anymore and am starting a course in a few weeks so by then I will have something I love doing to keep me occupied. Linux-its that exact reason as to why I don't want to send him an email-I know I will end up longing for a response so I'm not even going to put it out there. I do understand the bit about how it could give him an ego boost which is not what I want to aim for. Am quite happy that I haven't contacted him since Wednesday-I've just got to add one day at a time to that until it gets easier. I don't want to email him and theres no point cos even if one day he looked at himself properly he would already know how this made me felt and the fact that now he doesn't care gives me no reason to try to make him grow up. He really is a selfish and immature arse. I hate how the days are going so slow now!! Oh well, time for me to go to bed. Hopefully I can sleep |
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 4/7/2009 4:34 PM BST
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Total posts: 2083
First post: 24/4/2008 Last post: 21/11/2009 |
Hi Pink Have just read through this thread and just wanted to add my thoughts and a hug  Break ups are just so so sh*tty, and those cowardly, silent, ignoring ones are so hard to get closure from because there is always in the back of your mind "What if he has just been busy / unable to get to a computer". Try and hold onto what you do know - that he has been online and not contacted you or replied to your emails. Its awful but it really does sound as if he has gone travelling, decided he would rather be single and not had the balls to end things with you  But you know the positive in my mind is that you have seen his true colours sooner rather than later, and now you can be free from this spineless thoughtless w*anker and get on with your life, meeting other (lovely) people  Re. the email. I would think carefully about this, to be honest thinking about myself I would find it extremely difficult to do nothing at this stage, but deep down I kind of know that Mr Mannering & Linux are right. His ego clearly does not need a massage. In months to come you may feel grateful that you didn't reveal your hurt to him. I'm thinking of you petal, take care of yourself and make sure your friends and family are looking after you. When you feel ready have a good evening out, pamper yourself and dress up and go out and have fun. It is 100% his loss!!
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I was making the bed this morning, pulled the cover back and discovered i'd been sleeping all night with a dead kingfisher Posted by SexDrugsRockRoll |
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 4/7/2009 5:01 PM BST
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Total posts: 2888
First post: 30/8/2008 Last post: 15/11/2009 |
I had a bambino with a bruised heart not so long agao and its really tough on mom's too !! I felt like I wanted to go and pistol whip him - 'cept I didn't have a pistol, I didn;t know where he lived and I don't actuallly know how to do it ' You give all this good, calm advice and really, you want to run about shouting ' WELL.... THE WANK#R !!! ' and get to send the boys round. But you can't ! You sound like you're getting there, one bit at time. I'm glad you've got some people around you who can help. You and I, shall be friends until we are old and senile. |
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 4/7/2009 5:56 PM BST
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Total posts: 15459
First post: 20/1/2005 Last post: 3/11/2009 |
Pink can I say that I think you have handled this really, really well. You might be breaking your heart over this guy but instead of letting him walk all over you (as too many girls do) you took control and you made the break - have you any idea how amazing you are for being able to find the strength to do that? |
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