unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 3/7/2009 4:52 PM BST
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Total posts: 30799
First post: 18/3/2003 Last post: 16/11/2009 |
Rising above it doesn't automatically mean ignoring, Mr M. It's all about how you handle it! I utterly rose above mine, which was much better than ignoring the being ignored, IYSWIM, at first. |
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 3/7/2009 4:57 PM BST
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Total posts: 32
First post: 30/12/2008 Last post: 18/11/2009 |
In Response to Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...: Im considering just pasting it in here but read over it and it's quite full-on, don't know if I want to put it up here as I think everyone will think I'm completely crazy and mad-also has a couple things in it I haven't mentioned yet. So unsure. It's mainly me being completely mad at him. It's also not a final thing as I'm thinking of changing bits. It's so hard cos the last time I properly spoke to him things were better than usual-so that's the last main convo my mind switches to-which makes it even harder for me to comprehend it all. We were talking about our first date and were saying what we love about each other and he stayed online as long as I wanted and we were just happy-on skype so I could see his face. And then this is so so confusing :S Posted by thepinkshoe None of us would think you're mad I promise!!! But iI understand your reluctance ... as anonymous as this is, messages between people in a relationship are intimate and filled with details you don't want other people to know. Having said that I'm sure everyone on here would be more than happy to read it and give advice, and you can always leave out the bits that you dont want us to see. As for the last convo you had being so good, that just makes it even harder I guess. I'm an eternal optimist when it comes to relationships, which means a little part of me is still wanting him to contact you begging for forgiveness so god only knows what you're feeling about it. If you are certain that it is over and nothing he can say or do will convince you that ignoring you for a week and making you feel this sh*t was excusable (which I dont think it is) then you just have to forget about the good things and just concentrate on how crap he has made you feel, especially cos he presumably knows all about you going through this last year. |
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 3/7/2009 5:02 PM BST
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Total posts: 298
First post: 20/4/2008 Last post: 18/11/2009 |
Lily I'm posting it here for the reasons you said-I think I might regret sending it and putting it here at least you guys can tell me not to or whatever and reasons why. Just so everyone knows this might be a bit full-on so hoping no-one will think I'm insane-I'm just really hurting right now. Also some parts are a bit private but I guess then you'll see some of the other stuff that got to me recently. So my apologies in advance if you think I'm a weirdo after reading it. Also I know it's long and if I do send him something I don't want it to be this long. "Sam it's over. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I hate that I am doing it. But I'm not going to let you keep treating me like I'm just dirt. The way you acted this week was so immature and selfish and I can't believe you did it. I wrote to you saying I needed to talk, I have been having issues that I needed your support on-something I thought you-the guy I'm in love with-would give me but clearly I was mistaken. You ignored me completely on Wednesday and don't say you were busy cos you had time to update your f*cking facebook. I wrote to you on msn and facebook and you ignored me. I have suggested countless things and you refuse to do any of them-you can't even take 1 minute to send me an email-seems you only have time for me when I'm helping you w*nk or you see me naked-so thanks for making me feel so worthless. I thought our big talk last Monday was the start of something good, everything seemed perfect but how can it be if you don't even think about me. I saw the pictures of the girl in Berlin-that you put up a week after you said you did. You humiliated me in front of everyone who saw them. Posting pictures of your noteback saying how to ask for sex in german while getting drunk with a girl-what the f*ck was that?! Having them is bad enough, but you had to make sure everyone saw them. Seeing those pictures hurt more than I was hurt last year. You didn't even want to be seen as in a relationship on facebook-you wanted everyone to know you were single. You have no idea how much you have f*cking hurt me. You never once called me and the only time you emailed me was to tell me how you would like your c*ck sucked. F*cking hell Sam. You told me when things got hard to remember that you would try but you haven't and you won't. You're never going to fight for me so why should I be the only one in this relationship. I fought so f*cking hard for you Sam and it's like you never cared. I have done so much for you and you don't give a sh*t. I thought of so many ways just to let you know that I loved you, why did that mean nothing?" Again apologies for such a full-on read but that was all my anger down in print. Am a tad embarrassed right now :S |
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 3/7/2009 5:10 PM BST
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Total posts: 30799
First post: 18/3/2003 Last post: 16/11/2009 |
Don't be embarrassed. I hope it helps to get it out. He sounds a complete penis, to be honest. If I were going to send a long version, I'd cut out any of the bits which said that you loved him or you fought for him or anything like that. Don't give him any leverage or an ego boost at all. |
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 3/7/2009 5:16 PM BST
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Total posts: 298
First post: 20/4/2008 Last post: 18/11/2009 |
Yeah I was thinking that too. Was just what came out of my head. I really don't want to send it to him. Just cos then I think of the person he was and that I wouldn't want to treat that guy like that (even though he is making it clear he isn't that person anymore). I just think it would mess with my head knowing I sent him so much anger, even though that doesn't make sense. |
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 3/7/2009 5:20 PM BST
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Total posts: 32
First post: 30/12/2008 Last post: 18/11/2009 |
Wow he seems worse than I thought ... the bit of me wanting him to be for forgiveness is well and truly gone. What a complete and utter f**kwit. I would send it if you think it would be cathartic, bt I would cut out any swearwords, i know it shows how angry you are and he deserves them, but I also think it shows how upset you are and how passionate you are about him and I think it possibily cheapens what you want to say. He is definitely not worth your time. If you want to send it, send it, and then I would block him, cos he's only going to come up with weaselly excuses ... saying his mates wanted to know what the german was or that it was 'only a laugh'. |
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 3/7/2009 5:20 PM BST
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Total posts: 30799
First post: 18/3/2003 Last post: 16/11/2009 |
That makes sense, and is how I ended things with "my" ignoring guy. Like you I didn't want to be unpleasant, not because he didn't deserve it, but because that's not how I work. I didn't want to do anything I regretted or was ashamed of. I wanted to end with dignity and I'm so, so glad I did. I did write the furious letter first though! Got it out of my system. |
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 3/7/2009 5:31 PM BST
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Total posts: 298
First post: 20/4/2008 Last post: 18/11/2009 |
Curly I completely understand about the swearwords. I want him to know exactly how angry I am but know it will show that there was so much there for me. Also same with the german bit-I know he would say "we were just drinking and having some fun-it's nothing" but the fact he put it online for all his family and friends and my friends too to see was just absolutely heart-breaking. Lily I want to be able to do the quick short thing but in my head I so want him to reply (which is why I'm not writing anything that he can reply to just yet). I don't want to feel like this towards him but it's the whole "I miss him and want things to end well" which they can't. But then I know ignoring him will just put me on his level so I'm a bit stuck still. Guess everything will take heaps of time. It annoys me so much hearing people say "it will get better" even though I know everyone means it and is trying to be nice-its just so hard to hear when I can't possibly imagine it |
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 3/7/2009 5:42 PM BST
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Total posts: 1393
First post: 26/10/2005 Last post: 4/11/2009 |
I'm really sorry that you're going through this hun :o( for what it's worth, i think you're doing the right thing. Concentrate on yourself now. I had an ex "boyfriend" four years ago who pulled this stunt on me too. Left the country, no contact, nothing, nada, zilch. I cried my eyes out for seventeen days (which i totally regret wasting on him now) then got myself together, realised he was a git, and moved on. Two years later, he's tried crawling back three times. Whatever the outcome of your situation, i hope that for now at least, you focus on making yourself happy, keep yourself busy doing the things you love on your own or with friends and don't waste weeks like i did over a bloke. It's not worth it. love and hugs. x |
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 4/7/2009 3:12 AM BST
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Total posts: 298
First post: 20/4/2008 Last post: 18/11/2009 |
I woke up today just confused. All last night I couldn't help think about everything that was good about him and it's just stuffed my head. I can't believe I don't have a single answer as to why this has happened :(
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