unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 1/7/2009 2:12 PM BST
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Total posts: 12944
First post: 29/1/2005 Last post: 10/10/2009 |
I'd back off. I appreciate you're probably feeling really, really crap at the moment and if I were in your position, I would be tearing my hair out as I hate it when I am ignored and I hate it when I don't know what's going on. He knows where you are if he wants to contact you and from the sounds of it.... he's not in any hurry to - which suggests that perhaps you aren't at the top of his priority list. When I want to chat to my partner, I may not expect him to reply to a text straight away as I know he is busy, but I do expect him to reply within a suitable length of time and not ignore me if we are both online.... You emailing him / facebooking him and whatever else is not going to make him contact you if he doesn't want to - so I would personally back off, make yourself really busy and just wait - and then, if he does contact you... give him merry hell as to why he thinks it's acceptable to ignore you - or of course, you could just ignore him and let him worry for once..... [/immature] |
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 1/7/2009 2:29 PM BST
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Total posts: 298
First post: 20/4/2008 Last post: 18/11/2009 |
linux i have considered ignoring him-ill have to somehow find something to occupy me but i really do want to ignore him and see how he feels about it. a small part of me is worried that if i ignore him he will just think im not interested and go after some girls while he's travelling. i know this is stupid to think this and i need to not focus on this. its just atm i have no idea which country he is even in let alone where or who with he is staying. he had posted pics of him getting drunk with some girl he was staying with which is what's already made me upset-i havent even raised that with him yet. and in the past week and a half the only thing i know about him is that he went to a concert...so thats left a lot of "whats going on" in my head that im analysing for no reason-but its hard not to-so irritating. i have NOTHING to do tomorrow which is going to do my head in and nothing any more on friday or the weekend so its going to be a little challenge for me to ignore me. going to have to try though :s |
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 1/7/2009 2:48 PM BST
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Total posts: 6856
First post: 4/2/2004 Last post: 26/11/2009 |
well, if all it takes for him to be interested in other women, is lack of contact from you, you're already clutching at straws. There's no two ways about this – you're not being unreasonable or needy, so don't think that, despite how terribly hard it is for yo to think straight right now. First things first, you're not being a pain, you have every right to feel insignificant because that's how he's treating you, and you have a right to know where you stand. Think about your relationship with him, how would you describe him? Has he given you any uncomfortable feelings or reasons to think he detaches easily, or is emotionally shallow. Have a good think. I know you're in pain, but that's ok. Feel it and acknowledge it. It's there for the right reasons and there's nothing wrong with you. x |
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 1/7/2009 3:09 PM BST
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Total posts: 12944
First post: 29/1/2005 Last post: 10/10/2009 |
Dude Let him come to you. And if he doesn't - don't feed his ego any more by contacting him.... he might be enjoying himself at the moment and being selfish and not thinking about you and not wanting to talk to you. Now, the immature part of me would suggest you changing your status to 'Thepinkshoe can't wait until tomorrow night, vodka and fun galore' and then getting all your mates out, going out and enjoying yourself.... Oh, and perhaps putting your relationship status to 'single' if you haven't already. However, it's a Wednesday and I have to start acting grown up at some point in my life - so every Wednesday I am going to try and suggest you do mature stuff.... So, the mature side of me suggests you start phoning your mates and organise stuff for tomorrow... picnic, cinema, gym, swimming, spa day, shopping, manicure, DVD night, cocktails, haircut, makeover etc etc etc. Don't wait online for him... if he wants to contact you, he has a number of ways he can do it... Honestly, he sounds like an arse... posting photos of him and other women getting drunk? not contacting you and ignoring you? Seriously... perhaps you should be GLAD he's not contacting you as he sounds like a moron and don't you deserve more than that? Think about that Dude.. there are TWO people in a relationship and it's not just a case of 'He might dumpy you'..... you might (and should) think that you should dump him... |
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 1/7/2009 3:19 PM BST
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Total posts: 17185
First post: 11/11/2005 Last post: 24/9/2009 |
You're not being unreasonable and I think I would feel sick to my stomach at his behaviour. Sorry to say it but it does sound as if he's ignoring you. In 2004 when I was single I booked a month-long holiday to Australia and planned to have as much fun as possible! ;) Then a month before I was due to go I met my ex, and then had to 'behave' myself while I was out there. But I won't deny that in all forms of contact (text, email, phone) - he came first. If I logged into my email account and there were emails from him and a few other people, I answered his first - no question. I set aside a time and date each week to phone him (accounting for the time difference) and text him to let him know when I'd be phoning. The fact that he's got time to put photos up of him with other women but can't respond to you isn't a good sign - sorry. I really hope I'm wrong but even if he isn't playing away, his behaviour towards you stinks. How much of a 'chat' did you have about your relationship before you went? Did he initiate it? Did he definitely make it clear you'd stay together? If there was no chat at all or clarity about your relationship then that would have been the first warning sign. Did he plan to go travelling before you got together or did he decide to do this since you've started going out? |
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 1/7/2009 3:32 PM BST
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Total posts: 298
First post: 20/4/2008 Last post: 18/11/2009 |
wau wau-he isnt a guy that would go chase after someone but its the irrational side of me talking thinking he might. Some of my "friends" have mentioned this a few times to me which has made me think-maybe he would cheat on me but i think they are saying it so i'm not waiting around for him. In general he is a very nice, kind guy which is why the past weeks have suprised me-its very out of character for him to almost completely go off the radar so my mind has switched to thinking something's wrong-I know its not the best way to be thinking but with a few other things bothering me (not to do with him) my minds in a bit of negative mode atm. He never used to have trouble showing me his feelings or talking to me so i am suprised about whats going on now. I'm very comfortable with him but this week has made me very uncomfortable so it's not a situation I'm used to. I'm trying not to defend him while I write this so I'm sorry if it comes across like it, just how he usually is isn't like this at all so I don't want to say he's a jerk all the time. I can see that how he is treating me now is not reasonable though. Linux- I do feel he is being a bit selfish by only thinking about him and his wants. I'm doing my best to not do something immature even though part of me wants to. Have hidden my facebook stauts from him at the moment in case I do get in the mood to write something I might regret in the future. I am thinking of just spending all tomorrow exercising so I'm so exhausted by the end of the day. Might go for a nice drive too. I do think that the way he has acted recently has made him to be an arse-though as it's so out of character it doesn't make sense to me. He is only smiling in the pics with the girl but the fact he has done this along with the amount of alcohol he consumed and the fact I know it was just him and her doesn't make me comfortable at all with it. I have a feeling the next time we speak that I'll tell him exactly what I think but it really could just depend on how long it is til he contacts me. This is so confusing to me as I can see the way he has been acting is not ok but as it's so strange and different to how he is normally it's thrown me off a bit. I really don't need this playing on my mind!! |
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 1/7/2009 3:42 PM BST
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Total posts: 298
First post: 20/4/2008 Last post: 18/11/2009 |
sciencechick just saw your post He was planning on going on the trip before he met me but post-poned it for 6 months as he wanted to first be with me for some time before just going as he wanted to give it a chance. From the start I always told him to go-I went away last year and loved it so didn't want him to miss out on that, yet he has constantly been unsure if he would go or not because of me (this is what he said-I have never once said for him to not go). Before he went we had had many chats about it. I understood that we couldn't chat as much as we had been (which was almost everyday for an hour or two) as he would be travelling which is fine. I did tell him that I wouldn't be waiting here for him if there was no contact as I wasn't going to be the only one in the relationship. He had reassured me many times that he wasn't going overseas just to chase girls. I know some of the people he has stayed with so I have been fine til now when I have no idea where he is (something he said he would always tell me). He hasn't been able to use his mobile (I know this will sound like him making it up but I know thats the truth as I was the one to call his provider about using other sims and his phone doesn't support it). I'm not ok with the fact that he hasn't provided me with another number of his friend's place or anything like that. When I last went away I texted and called him a lot like you Sciencechick as to me it was a priority and also cos I just liked talking to him. I want to see though what he says and see exactly what's going on before breaking up with him. I'm not willing to wait around while he has his fun and never talks to me just to see how things are when he gets back but I do want some more information about it all |
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 2/7/2009 8:16 AM BST
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Total posts: 386
First post: 24/3/2009 Last post: 10/11/2009 |
Ok, you may have already said this, but how long has it been since his last contact? To be honest if its less than a week, I know with my OH this is nothing to be concerned about. However, you know your OH better than any of us and if this is out of character then you have every reason to be feeling a bit concerned. As everyone else said, keep busy, take your mind off of it and do not pester him. This may have the opposite effect to what you want to achieve. I personally, would send an email, as you have done, asking why he hasn't spoken to you and to just leave it at that. If he has respect for you this should be enough to tell him to stop being an arse and sort it out.
Mountains rise and fall, and under them the Turtle swims onward.
Men live and die, and the Turtle Moves. Empires grow and crumble, and the Turtle Moves. Gods come and go, and still the Turtle Moves. The Turtle Moves. - Terry Pratchett "Small Gods" |
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 2/7/2009 8:44 AM BST
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Total posts: 17185
First post: 11/11/2005 Last post: 24/9/2009 |
Agree with sleepybird. While I was in Australia, I did go a few days without contacting him at all - I'd say we were in touch 2-3 times a week, usually via text with that one phone call each week. I had a previous ex who was a medical student and went on his 3 month elective to Australia and his contact was probably less than once a week but he was actually out there to work so kind of understandable. Try and keep busy and don't contact him at all - though I know it's hard to do. Chin up! |
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Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...
posted at 2/7/2009 9:07 AM BST
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Total posts: 61
First post: 12/5/2009 Last post: 14/7/2009 |
In Response to Re: unsure if it's the end or the beginning of the end...: the mature side of me suggests you start phoning your mates and organise stuff for tomorrow... picnic, cinema, gym, swimming, spa day, shopping, manicure, DVD night, cocktails, haircut, makeover etc etc etc. Don't wait online for him... if he wants to contact you, he has a number of ways he can do it... Posted by Linux_Lady That's the way!  We can drive ourselves nuts with the disappointment and confusion of a sudden change in someone's behaviour. Unfortunately, you are in an uncontrollable situation as far as his lack of contact and ignoring of messages and chats. It is an UNCONTROLLABLE SITUATION - there is nothing you can do about it - only fret and fret and let it consume you, or do what Linux says so you stop *thinking* all the time about it. I know that is a hard thing to do, but you have a choice until he gets back and hopefully explains his bad behaviour.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic
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