It may not be the answer you wanted but the new guy is right - you need to be single for a while and get used to being YOU and not as someone attached to a bloke. Don't get back with your ex - he's not going to commit after 9 years and he's treated you very badly to keep you dangling with false promises of marriage etc.  Posted by sciencechick

Hi all, I posted a while back basically about my unhappiness with my boyfriend.  This came down to the fact he had not committed (engagement/or living together) after 9 years which I really wanted, and him living abroad in Asia for over a year which moved us apart emotionally and of course physically - I wanted to move there with him but couldn't for various work and family reasons).  Although not engaged we had discussed being married and had a date in mind, which he then went on to try and delay as we 'couldn't afford it.'  He also completely shunned me on our last anniversary, the usual cards/gestures did not materialise - despite my massive efforts. Essentially the spark had gone and he had stopped making me feel special. While this was happening I met a guy through mutual friends, and at first we were friends.  I thought he was great looking and great to get on with.  He then asked me out, which I couldn't do, still being with my partner.  But couldn't get him out of my head and we dated briefly and I split with my then boyfriend and he did all the running and for some crazy reason I wasn't half as enthusiastic, until I got so upset about missing my ex, that I left things and got back with the ex. After trying to make things work with my ex, I couldn't get this other guy out of my head, and then around a month ago I saw him and things happened, and realised I couldn't stay with my ex with the feelings I had for new guy (not sure what else to call him!)  I ended things with my ex, and tried to pursue things with new guy, who seemed oblivious to my efforts. I went to see him and told him I had left my ex etc, and then nothing.  The day I saw him and told him the situation he told ted me, 'You should enjoy being single.'  He then texts a week later saying he needed, 'time to sort his head out,' and again that I should enjoy being single and see what happens in the future, and that he wasn't ready.  I felt rejected by this and basically text him again saying if he wasn't ready then he never would be. My ex still wants to give things another go, but I just don't think it would be fair whilst I still have thoughts about this new guy.  Essentially when he wanted me (the new guy) I wasn't interested, and now I want him, he isn't interested.  I'm single at the moment and feel that my stupid indecisiveness will have ruined everything.  I don't know whether to make a real effort with the new guy and apologise for my last text, or go back to the safety of my ex?  They are so different, my ex isn't as forthcoming with his feelings, and things in the bedroom department towards the end were non existant which made me feel unwanted.  This is the complete opposite to the other guy. I hope this has not baffled anyone too much, it's a complicated story and there are a lot of things I haven't mentioned as I'd need to write a novel!  I feel like I've made a real mess of things, and it's all my own fault for not being brave enough to leave my ex in the first place and giving it a go, I just wasn't ready emotionally.  Any thoughts would be welcome. M xx
Posted by twinkle0108