Settling down
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Forums » Relationships » Relationships » Settling down
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Re: Settling down
posted at 5/7/2009 8:51 PM BST
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Total posts: 1024
First post: 2/11/2008 Last post: 14/10/2009 |
I agree that marrying/starting a family at a young age is only something you should do if it works for you. I think it works for me because I've always been quite mature for my age and also, it's the way I was brought up. I mean, my parents married at 19 and by the age of 23 had 2 children. 26 years on and they're still happily married. There was never pressure on me to follow in my parent's footsteps, but it meant that when I did find the person I wanted to spend my life with, it didn't seem crazy for me to marry him at what some people might consider to be a 'young' age. There's always been stability in my life (no divorces in the family) and my friends are quite settled with their partners too (one couple have just bought a flat together and another couple are about to buy a house). What I'm trying to say, in all my ramblings, is that I think it's quite a complex set of circumstances that effect one's opinions and desires when it comes to relationships and 'settling down'. Family, friends and background are all going to have an effect in different ways. Oh and for the record, me and all my close friends went to Uni too. Just to add another 'factor'. 
You can't make chicken soup out of chicken poop!
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Re: Settling down
posted at 5/7/2009 8:56 PM BST
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Total posts: 9224
First post: 1/10/2006 Last post: 25/11/2009 |
Hi everyone I'm a late 30something. Well my peer group - the majority of them got married at the end of the last century when we were just hitting 30. Some of my peer group had millennium babies and they are now at school. I had a few years in the early 00s when they didn't go out at all due to young babies. At the time I felt left out as I was the same age as them. I found other people to go out with. Now I think a few of us are approaching 40 wondering if life does begin then.If one of my friends with kids ask me why I hang out in pubs - I tell them you are doing the right thing bringing up children. I am still single so I hang out in pubs and enjoy my life. Its no point worrying what might have been. |
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Re: Settling down
posted at 5/7/2009 9:00 PM BST
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Total posts: 15459
First post: 20/1/2005 Last post: 3/11/2009 |
I think what works for one won't work for the next, so there are no set rules with these things. For me I'm glad I had some time as an adult to find out who I am 'just me'. I know a lot of people in rellies say that being in a relationship doesn't stop you from doing anythig, and to an extend I agree, BUT I do believe that when in a serious relationship you have to consider the other person, and that there is a degree of freedom or selfishness that you only get by being single. As much as I feel I can be who I want and do what I want now, as part of a loving relationship, those single years taught me so much about me as an I, rather than as an 'us'. There is a degree of selfishness that you can only ever enjoy as a single person, and I wouldn't have missed that experience for anything, especially as I had it in my late twenties/early thirties with all the adult experiences that brings. |
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Re: Settling down
posted at 5/7/2009 9:10 PM BST
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Total posts: 12944
First post: 29/1/2005 Last post: 10/10/2009 |
In Response to Re: Settling down: What I'm trying to say, in all my ramblings, is that I think it's quite a complex set of circumstances that effect one's opinions and desires when it comes to relationships and 'settling down'. Family, friends and background are all going to have an effect in different ways. Oh and for the record, me and all my close friends went to Uni too. Just to add another 'factor'. Posted by Stonker I'm going to agree... BUT... point out that in my experience, I have gone against the grain in everything..... I'm sure sciencechick will come along with some of her fab statistics and tell us all that our experiences DO usually shape our choices in life. My parents are still together, married... for 27 years.... Noone in my family went to Uni before me.... My Mum was a housewife and had 4 daughters.... Sooooo, I do think it doesn't just depend on your relationships with others, but also on you as a person. I think 2 of my sisters *want* marriage (one is getting married in October), 1 deffo wants children... but myself and another sister want neither - obviously things could change... but I can't see it for the time being.. Perhaps if my parents were divorced, I was an only child and they went to Uni... I might be married with kids and left school at 16.... to be honest, I wouldn't be surprised,... LOL |
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Re: Settling down
posted at 5/7/2009 9:17 PM BST
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Total posts: 1024
First post: 2/11/2008 Last post: 14/10/2009 |
In Response to Re: Settling down: In Response to Re: Settling down : I'm going to agree... BUT... point out that in my experience, I have gone against the grain in everything..... I'm sure sciencechick will come along with some of her fab statistics and tell us all that our experiences DO usually shape our choices in life. My parents are still together, married... for 27 years.... Noone in my family went to Uni before me.... My Mum was a housewife and had 4 daughters.... Sooooo, I do think it doesn't just depend on your relationships with others, but also on you as a person. I think 2 of my sisters *want* marriage (one is getting married in October), 1 deffo wants children... but myself and another sister want neither - obviously things could change... but I can't see it for the time being.. Perhaps if my parents were divorced, I was an only child and they went to Uni... I might be married with kids and left school at 16.... to be honest, I wouldn't be surprised,... LOL Posted by Linux_Lady Oh I agree that family orientation isn't always going to guarantee a certain outcome. I'm so different to my family in almost every other way (much to my Mother's dismay)  but the young marriage thing has worked out the same for me.
You can't make chicken soup out of chicken poop!
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Re: Settling down
posted at 5/7/2009 9:20 PM BST
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Total posts: 908
First post: 24/11/2008 Last post: 26/11/2009 |
I'm 23 and although I do think about marriage and the future, I am certainly nowhere near ready for it (getting a first date would be a start!) I'm one of the oldest out my group and most of them have long term partners and talk about moving in and settling down now. Most of the people I went to school with are onto their second kids. So when compared to them I'm way way behind but I'm happy getting my education and starting a career for myself. In a way, I am quite selfish, I'm not ready to give my life up for anyone else. A friend a year older than me has been with her boyfriend since 14/15, they have been married a few years now and have just had their third child. Although they started a family quite young it suits them perfectly and they've done amazingly setting up a life for themselves. |
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Re: Settling down
posted at 5/7/2009 9:23 PM BST
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Total posts: 15459
First post: 20/1/2005 Last post: 3/11/2009 |
I agree Linux My mum was enaged at 16, married at 19, 2 kids by 25, divorced by 26. Nobody in my family went to Uni before me, and I'm the only one to leave my home town (although my sister is the brave one as she went travelling for a year on her ownsome). My sister and I are both still unmarried and without kids (although both in serious relationships) she is 30 this year and I'm 33. We have both very much lived our own lives and set our own paths. What I love most about my mum is that she has never tried to pressure us into settling down, or having kids (although I'm sure deep down she wants to be a grandma). I think she wants us to experince life and have the opportunties she missed - although she has never said as such. |
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Re: Settling down
posted at 6/7/2009 9:05 AM BST
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Total posts: 386
First post: 24/3/2009 Last post: 10/11/2009 |
Its all down to who you are and what you want. I don't think external factors have anything to do with it. All my family got married really young, had kids young etc. None ever went to uni, or even did a levels. (my mum did however, divorce and remarry a much younger man) Out of my old mates (same age), most are either engaged, have kids or have mortgages with guys. Then theres me. I've been with my OH for more years then I care to mention. I am only 22. I have no intention to ever get married. I couldn't care less about having kids, much prefer my little zoo. I did my alevels, went to uni and have moved abroad. I am considered a bit of a freak back home. The idea of settling bores the absolute cr*p out of me. Much prefer to go out and see life, and if my OH is coming along then all the much better. seriously, if you are happy what does it matter what your mates are doing.
Mountains rise and fall, and under them the Turtle swims onward.
Men live and die, and the Turtle Moves. Empires grow and crumble, and the Turtle Moves. Gods come and go, and still the Turtle Moves. The Turtle Moves. - Terry Pratchett "Small Gods" |
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Re: Settling down
posted at 6/7/2009 9:28 AM BST
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Total posts: 17185
First post: 11/11/2005 Last post: 24/9/2009 |
Well, research shows that marriage age has a strong correlation to the level of education. There are always exceptions of course, but in general it holds true. People who have a secondary school education and find jobs when they are 16 marry early - 19/20/21. People who went to college tend to marry in their early 20s. People who went to Uni leave it a bit later - mid to late 20s. The people who leave it latest of all are those who have professional careers that takes a lot of study time - doctors, lawyers etc. They usually don't marry until they are in their 30s. You have to do what you feel is right for you though. |
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Re: Settling down
posted at 6/7/2009 9:35 AM BST
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Total posts: 17185
First post: 11/11/2005 Last post: 24/9/2009 |
Just seen Linux's post! I think it really depends who you are as a person - some people seem to be influenced a lot by their peers and whoever surrounds them, while others aren't (Linux! :P) My mum was married at 18, pregnant at 19 and divorced at 25. Then she got married to my dad and didn't have me until she was 34. And she is now hugely recommending of spending time by yourself to work out what you want from life rather than getting tied down because it's seen as the norm. She's even said to me that she's almost 100% certain she won't be getting any grandkids from me and nor does she expect them - she says I have to do what I want and what makes me happy. |
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