Self help doesn't always help - BBC article
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Self help doesn't always help - BBC article
posted at 6/7/2009 1:11 PM BST
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Total posts: 17185
First post: 11/11/2005 Last post: 24/9/2009 |
I just read this article and thought it pretty interesting: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8132857.stm I've posted it in rellies because it is about the relationship you have with yourself. Apparently, people with low self-esteem feel worse after they have been told to repeat positive mantras such as 'I accept who I am completely' and other positive thinking and it's the people who need self help the least (those with high self-esteem) who feel better after saying such things. The thinking goes that denying what is actual reality (i.e. hating the way you look, being stuck in a rubbish job, not having many friends) doesn't help at all and the negative is only reinforced by forcing people to say 'I am a loveable person' when that might not be the person's real life experience. The article finishes up by saying that therapy should aim to build confidence so that people with low self-esteem feel more able to take control of their lives and try and change things, rather than try and 'override' what they are actually thinking by saying positive things. What do you think? I'd be interested to hear from those who've had therapy of any kind before whether they feel the same. |
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Re: Self help doesn't always help - BBC article
posted at 6/7/2009 1:33 PM BST
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Total posts: 386
First post: 24/3/2009 Last post: 10/11/2009 |
Personally I have never found those mantras helpful. I was told in counselling to say them for different reasons. Some did work...but that was in areas where deep down I knew what I was thinking was incorrect. It was not the mantra but coming to accept that I was wrong. But others I just felt like I was constantly lying to myself and that by saying these I was acting "arrogant" and therefore completely underminding the entire reason for them. Its no good always saying "no one is judging you" when you clearly still believe they are. You need to understand why you think they are, and why they are not. There has to be a reason behind everything, the job is to find it, not try and cover it up with more claptrap. I would love to know why I hate everything about myself and can't just accept who I am...but I don't think saying to myself everyday "I love who I am" is really going to help that. but then I may be wrong, this is just how I feel.
Mountains rise and fall, and under them the Turtle swims onward.
Men live and die, and the Turtle Moves. Empires grow and crumble, and the Turtle Moves. Gods come and go, and still the Turtle Moves. The Turtle Moves. - Terry Pratchett "Small Gods" |
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Re: Self help doesn't always help - BBC article
posted at 6/7/2009 1:35 PM BST
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Total posts: 3099
First post: 21/3/2008 Last post: 20/10/2009 |
This doesn't surprise me, because for people with really low self-esteem.. Repeating mantras will only remind them of what they don't have and are unable to reach. I think there's mileage in the thought behind letting someone hit rock bottom before coming back up again. I don't mean that literally as such, but letting someone get all the negativeity off their chest and wallow can actually help at times.
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Re: Self help doesn't always help - BBC article
posted at 6/7/2009 1:44 PM BST
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Total posts: 9094
First post: 9/6/2006 Last post: 1/11/2009 |
In Response to Re: Self help doesn't always help - BBC article: but letting someone get all the negativeity off their chest and wallow can actually help at times. Posted by lux lunae Yeah I agree. I have always thought that those mantra type things dont really work. Its clearly not gonna if you tell yourself 'I am great, capapble and popular- and yet you still feel like crap every time you have to go to a party, walk into a room or talk to a stranger. I actually think a more action, less thinking plan works best. Doing little things that scare you and put you out of your comfort zone helps, because afterwards you think 'wow I cant believe I just did that' and that raises confidence in yourself. Being realistic, nobody feels great all the time. So telling yourself you do is effectively lying to yourself and wont work in the long run. I try and do little things that put me out of my comfort zone every day- but I still get scared each time I strike up conversations with strangers for example- its that classic fear of rejection. That never goes away, but I guess the fact I do it inspite of the way I feel on the inside (scared) is the main thing. |
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Re: Self help doesn't always help - BBC article
posted at 6/7/2009 2:05 PM BST
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Total posts: 81
First post: 2/6/2009 Last post: 21/11/2009 |
Anyone seen Lisa Nova's Affirmation Girl? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4W_ejV1y5Y I had counselling for low self esteem that mostly stemmed from my ex-husband. I used to blame myself and think I was stupid for getting into a relationship like that but what I needed was someone completely apart from the situation to break down the processes that led to me making various decisions. Realising I wasn't stupid but that he had tapped into vulnerability made me stop taking all the responsibility on myself. Once I stopped seeing my world as wholly dependent on my actions, I was able to take a realistic look at myself and start building my confidence. It wasn't my confidence that needed fixing, it was the way I saw the world. Mantras try to fix the symptoms rather than the causes I think. |
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Re: Self help doesn't always help - BBC article
posted at 6/7/2009 3:27 PM BST
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Total posts: 117
First post: 5/5/2009 Last post: 25/9/2009 |
I have tried a few self-help books in my time and they have not really helped. In fact, they are waiting to be dropped off at the charity shop ;-) |
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Re: Self help doesn't always help - BBC article
posted at 6/7/2009 5:43 PM BST
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Total posts: 6501
First post: 10/3/2005 Last post: 6/9/2009 |
I can't do affirmations/ mantras, they make me feel silly and then I just feel more rubbish because I can't make them work for me. I can't do visualisation either, I've tried a couple of Paul McKenna books that ask you to visualise all sorts of things, turn the colour down, move it further away etc etc, and it's just too hard and I end up giving myself a headache . |
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Re: Self help doesn't always help - BBC article
posted at 6/7/2009 11:14 PM BST
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Total posts: 718
First post: 13/2/2005 Last post: 24/10/2009 |
In Response to Re: Self help doesn't always help - BBC article: I agree, repeating mantras rests on the idea just repeating something over and over again will make it true, this is magical thinking. Posted by Funky gherkin I don't know, I think there is some validity in affirmations - on the basis that things you repeat to yourself often get into your subconscious, and it's often subconscious problems that you're battling. However, if you're saying "I am lovable" out loud whilst saying to yourself inside "but I have no friends and in fact I can't see how anybody would like me as I hate X Y Z about myself" then obviously the "I am lovable" message won't get through like it's supposed to. I think affirmations work if it's something that you think is probably actually true but haven't really internalised yet. |
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Re: Self help doesn't always help - BBC article
posted at 7/7/2009 6:51 PM BST
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Total posts: 630
First post: 31/8/2005 Last post: 14/7/2009 |
In Response to Re: Self help doesn't always help - BBC article: In Response to Re: Self help doesn't always help - BBC article : I don't know, I think there is some validity in affirmations - on the basis that things you repeat to yourself often get into your subconscious, and it's often subconscious problems that you're battling. However, if you're saying "I am lovable" out loud whilst saying to yourself inside "but I have no friends and in fact I can't see how anybody would like me as I hate X Y Z about myself" then obviously the "I am lovable" message won't get through like it's supposed to. I think affirmations work if it's something that you think is probably actually true but haven't really internalised yet. Posted by Melinda003 Hi Melinda, I agree I guess that is what the article is saying /> Not sure I personally buy into the concept that we have an unconscious in the Freudian sense, but I agree mantras can probably reinforce perceptions that are already there. |
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