Opinions on new situtation....
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 6/7/2009 11:15 AM BST
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Total posts: 2601
First post: 5/10/2005 Last post: 24/9/2009 |
I read the "non-GF friendly" house bit being a criticism of Mr Kiki, not the housemates, i.e. going from somewhere with an en suite to someone with a single bathroom.. There'd still be bills issue and whatnot, but I can see where Kiki's coming from in that respect.. |
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 6/7/2009 11:22 AM BST
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Total posts: 17185
First post: 11/11/2005 Last post: 24/9/2009 |
Agree with Zig. Kiki sweetie - don't mean this to sound nasty but you are coming across as a bit of a princess here. The comment Zig highlighted about being a bit annoyed with Mr. Kiki that he hasn't chosen a very 'girlfriend-friendly house' still makes it all about you and what you want. I don't know if you pay anything to your parents for staying with them but even if you do, I can't imagine they take very much off you - nothing like you would have to pay if you were in a proper houseshare anyway. And yet you are still expecting to be able to trundle round Mr. Kiki's 3/4 nights a week pretty much for free! I'm afraid doing a bit of cooking and cleaning and buying the odd bog roll doesn't really cut it - people generally pay hundreds of pounds a month each to live in a houseshare and having someone there a few nights a week probably does add up. I hope you get this sorted and Mr. Kiki starts coming round to your parents' house more often but I do think you need to realise that this isn't all about you. |
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 6/7/2009 11:24 AM BST
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Total posts: 3099
First post: 21/3/2008 Last post: 20/10/2009 |
In Response to Re: Opinions on new situtation....: I read the "non-GF friendly" house bit being a criticism of Mr Kiki, not the housemates, i.e. going from somewhere with an en suite to someone with a single bathroom.. There'd still be bills issue and whatnot, but I can see where Kiki's coming from in that respect.. Posted by PC Me I do agree, in that he doesn't seem to have really considered the consequences of his move. He has previously told Kiki he doesn't want to go to her house, yet hasn't offered any solutions regarding his new one and her staying over.. Plus the one bathroom issue will cause both sides problems (housemates, and Kiki having to impose on their space due to necessity). |
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 6/7/2009 11:42 AM BST
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Total posts: 17185
First post: 11/11/2005 Last post: 24/9/2009 |
Yebbut - do you know how much extra you have to pay for an en-suite bathroom? And there really aren't that many houseshares that have them. If the other guys found somewhere they really liked and the price and location were good and Mr. Kiki turned round and said 'sorry - it's not suitable because my girlfriend needs her own bathroom', I'm afraid he'd get the biggest EFF OFF ever. If Kiki and her OH have a good relationship, this won't affect them in the long run. But it might be worth discussing what happens when his 12-month contract is up. |
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 6/7/2009 11:59 AM BST
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Total posts: 3099
First post: 21/3/2008 Last post: 20/10/2009 |
In Response to Re: Opinions on new situtation....: If Kiki and her OH have a good relationship, this won't affect them in the long run. But it might be worth discussing what happens when his 12-month contract is up. Posted by sciencechick Very good point - so many couples are in the same boat, or have very long distance relationships, so I think it will be a useful bump in the road for Kiki. Kiki - I don't know your exact situation, obviously, but if you are saving money by living at home, how about offering to contribute towards a small portion of the water (if you shower or do washing at Mr Kiki's) and electricity? Although this wouldn't then give you the right to stay over continuously, it would demonstrate that you are trying not to impose. |
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 6/7/2009 12:10 PM BST
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Total posts: 5469
First post: 22/5/2006 Last post: 26/10/2009 |
In Response to Re: Opinions on new situtation....: If the other guys found somewhere they really liked and the price and location were good and Mr. Kiki turned round and said 'sorry - it's not suitable because my girlfriend needs her own bathroom', I'm afraid he'd get the biggest EFF OFF ever. Posted by sciencechick Exactly!! This is what I mean by still not really getting how it works out there in the real world of living away from home. Out of the group of lads' shared requirements for that flat - No. of bedrooms, size of kitchen, an outdoor area perhaps - Mr Kiki having his own bathroom so that Kiki is kept happy would NOT be top of their list!! Plus him then having first dibs on any room with an en suite simply because he has a girlfriend who stays over ALL the time would not be ingratiating you to the rest of them in the slightest... Lucky you're backing down about this, because otherwise it would be ringing his 'high maintenance' alarm bells loud and clear, I don't doubt.
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 6/7/2009 12:49 PM BST
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Total posts: 2601
First post: 5/10/2005 Last post: 24/9/2009 |
Ah, OK, I'm with you now.. I still think Kiki has a reason to be a bit miffed if Mr Kiki didn't consider the impact on their relationship / living situation if he moved house into a house like that, but equally he shouldn't have to shoulder a major additional financial burden to cater for the fact that Kiki wants to stay there so often. But I've got to disagree with Chique Du Science saying "The comment Zig highlighted about being a bit annoyed with Mr. Kiki that he hasn't chosen a very 'girlfriend-friendly house' still makes it all about you and what you want.". I don't think she is saying that necessarily, more that when you make major changes, you do need to consider the impact on the person you're in a relationship with and it seems he hasn't really done that here. But the other way round, I think you need to tread carefully with Mr Kiki on this one. Say it wrong and it could sound like you're passing commentary on him having to live in a shared house, which, as people have pointed out, is usually done for financial reasons and the inability to afford somewhere on your own. So be careful that it's not coming across like you're criticising his financial circumstances. And definitely don't compare his living situation to that of yours with your parents! |
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 6/7/2009 1:07 PM BST
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Total posts: 9094
First post: 9/6/2006 Last post: 1/11/2009 |
PC that is exactly what I meant with regards to the one bathroom situation. We are in a long term relationship of coming up to a year in September and I feel, slightly- that Mr Kiki has moved into this behaving much like a single guy, not really considering my needs. Fair enough you might say, I dont live there or pay rent so I shouldnt be entitled- but as I am his girlfriend I would expect him- not his flatmates- to have considerd me a bit more. Anyway as I say we have talked and resolved it a bit more, I guess I am frustrated that we dont live together because we are so serious about each other and it feels right. I am obviously not going to make any more issues out of it as that is not fair on him and despite what some might think, I am not a high maintenance, tantrum throwing princess. Well not most of the time anyway ;) |
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 6/7/2009 1:18 PM BST
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Total posts: 386
First post: 24/3/2009 Last post: 10/11/2009 |
I didn't think they had been together very long, only a few months? At that stage would you really expect him to take these kinds of things into consideration? Personally I wouldn't, I would get whats best for me, so if thats a house which is slightly smaller due to finanical constraints then thats what I am going for. Kiki, its only a year hes there. The time will fly by and by this point you 2 will be in the best position to get a place together. I would suggest perhaps moving out into a houseshare, it really can be great fun and shows Mr. Kiki that you are independant. Hes also more likely to come round. edit: posted at same time as Kiki. I understand that you may be ready for this but perhaps hes not in the right position to take you into consideration in these decisions. To be honest, if hes struggling for money, the more people he can share with the better. At the end of the day I would much prefer my OH to take a place which suited him then waste time finding somewhere for us both when I don't live there.
Mountains rise and fall, and under them the Turtle swims onward.
Men live and die, and the Turtle Moves. Empires grow and crumble, and the Turtle Moves. Gods come and go, and still the Turtle Moves. The Turtle Moves. - Terry Pratchett "Small Gods" |
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 6/7/2009 1:29 PM BST
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Total posts: 9094
First post: 9/6/2006 Last post: 1/11/2009 |
Hi Sleepybird Yeah I might consider a flatshare- recently I have been feeling that being at home with my parents, as much as I love them is getting a bit stifling. Mr Kiki and I talked about moving in together before he moved into this new place and I think, if push came to shove we would have done it if I had a better job and had not been doing this course next year. We havent been together for a long time but this is the most serious relationship I have ever been in and we are totally in love. I guess it is only a year and next year we can seriously think about living together. I know it probably sounds all wrong and needy, but I do want to spend as much time together with Mr Kiki as possible, not all the time obviously because everyone needs space and independence -but more than I do now :( |
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