Opinions on new situtation....
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 5/7/2009 1:04 PM BST
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Total posts: 5166
First post: 9/8/2003 Last post: 30/8/2009 |
When I first got together with MrS, he lived on his own in his own place (well, council rented) while I lived in a houseshare (which I wasn't mad on, as some of my housemates were difficult.) I spent a lot of time at his, before moving in totally. I got a key to his flat quite quickly, but wouldn't have dreamt of offering him a key to mine, as it wasn't really my place to give it to him, as I lived with others. He had noone else to ask the opinion of.
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 5/7/2009 8:34 PM BST
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Total posts: 7181
First post: 25/1/2006 Last post: 5/7/2009 |
Agree with all the others. It's not your house. You don't have any rights, and no right to be p*ssed off with the HMs. They, however, from the sounds of it, have every right to be p*ssed off with you. |
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 5/7/2009 11:19 PM BST
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Total posts: 9094
First post: 9/6/2006 Last post: 1/11/2009 |
Hellloo Sorry for late reply to this, have had a very busy weekend. I have talked to Mr Kiki some more this weekend. We have decided that I am going to spend less time there and he is going to come to mine more often as this is fairer on me, him and his housemates. Mr Kiki is taking his driving test next week and is getting a car if he passes which will help with him coming over to mine as he can just drive home for the evening instead of getting two buses and it taking ages. I accept that I may have had it a little easier than others when it comes to parental support and money (though thats all pretty subjective really isnt it?) but I am by no means spoilt or a freeloader. I guess what I wasnt also acknowledging is that I was a bit annoyed with Mr Kiki for refusing to come to mine and for choosing a house which isnt very girlfriend friendly! but I will just have to accept that and dont hold it against him. He is going to start coming to mine more often from now on too which is great. |
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 5/7/2009 11:23 PM BST
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Total posts: 7181
First post: 25/1/2006 Last post: 5/7/2009 |
In Response to Re: Opinions on new situtation....: Hellloo Sorry for late reply to this, have had a very busy weekend. I have talked to Mr Kiki some more this weekend. We have decided that I am going to spend less time there and he is going to come to mine more often as this is fairer on me, him and his housemates. Mr Kiki is taking his driving test next week and is getting a car if he passes which will help with him coming over to mine as he can just drive home for the evening instead of getting two buses and it taking ages. I accept that I may have had it a little easier than others when it comes to parental support and money (though thats all pretty subjective really isnt it?) but I am by no means spoilt or a freeloader. I guess what I wasnt also acknowledging is that I was a bit annoyed with Mr Kiki for refusing to come to mine and for choosing a house which isnt very girlfriend friendly! but I will just have to accept that and dont hold it against him. He is going to start coming to mine more often from now on too which is great. Posted by Kiki_1986 Good that it's resolved...what do you mean by the house not being very GF-friendly though? The HMs havent done anythung unfriendly from the sounds of it.,..your expectations of them seem quite unreasonable TBH. |
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 6/7/2009 12:03 AM BST
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Total posts: 31
First post: 5/7/2009 Last post: 11/11/2009 |
I think a lot of people in flatshares don't like their flatmates' partners having that sort of set-up, and they have every right to set those rules, it is their home. Especially if they are single, a lot of people do not want to live with a couple and a flatmate's partner being there a lot and having their own key can feel like you're living with a couple. As a single person it can feel really depressing if your flatmate is there all lovey-dovey with their partner around the house all the time. Plus there's the issue that they are not paying rent or contributing to the bills yet they're spending a lot of time there. My old flatmate did that with her boyfriend, he ended up spending 6 nights a week at our flat and sitting in our lounge smoking every evening in what used to be a non-smoking house, yet he paid no money towards rent and bills. In the end it drove a wedge between us all, and we all moved out. You have to loom at it from their point of view. Why don't the two of you get your own place if you want to spend a lot of time together?
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 6/7/2009 12:35 AM BST
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Total posts: 4971
First post: 24/12/2007 Last post: 13/7/2009 |
why don't you move out of your parents' place into a houseshare and see how the dynamics work? if you're staying over 4 nights a week, that's adding to half the bills of another person living there - and they are paying this for you. if he stayed at yours 4 nights some weeks too it would balance it out with him not being in his own place but you do sound like you have unrealistic expectations - its for your OH to choose where he lives, not to have a 'GF-friendly' house just in case you fancy sleeping over! Glad you talked about it tho.
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 6/7/2009 9:26 AM BST
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Total posts: 30799
First post: 18/3/2003 Last post: 16/11/2009 |
I'm glad you have come to some resolution Kiki, but I do think seeing the house as "not GF friendly" is a bit unfair. These people did not ask to live with you. I wouldn't care if you were tidying up the bathroom or not - I wouldn't want you in my house a lot, when you weren't paying rent or an accepted tenant! In fact you tidying up would wind me right up because you'd be acting like you lived there, although I know you are doing it with the best intentions. I would be "difficult" because it would really irritate me! Most people will be like this wherever Mr K moves. I think the idea of you getting a houseshare is a good one because you'd be more independent, and you'd understand the dynamic more, I think. |
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 6/7/2009 9:34 AM BST
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Total posts: 2601
First post: 5/10/2005 Last post: 24/9/2009 |
Glad you've had a chat and sorted it out a bit.. Houseshare politics are an absolutely minefield and it won't be anything to do with whether they like you or not as a person, it's just that these things can do drive a wedge between people and you need to be careful..
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 6/7/2009 9:41 AM BST
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Total posts: 5471
First post: 22/5/2006 Last post: 26/11/2009 |
In Response to Re: Opinions on new situtation....: and for choosing a house which isnt very girlfriend friendly!   PMSL!!! You really don't understand how it works, huh?!In Response to Re: Opinions on new situtation....: [QUOTE}but I will just have to accept that and dont hold it against him.  Big of you! |
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