Opinions on new situtation....
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 4/7/2009 11:15 AM BST
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Total posts: 6392
First post: 1/3/2007 Last post: 16/11/2009 |
I think your are still missing the point really. You have no right to be frustrated that someone wont give you a key to their house or priority in their bathroom. If they wanted to live with you they'd have asked you, they didn't and so got a house for just the three of them. I dont think it's got anything to do with liking you ot not, it's as simple as your OH's housemate says you dont live there and you dont pay rent |
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 4/7/2009 12:19 PM BST
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Total posts: 5469
First post: 22/5/2006 Last post: 26/10/2009 |
Kiki - I think you're willfully missing the point, as this situation pisses *you* off, and you think you're in the right regardless. You feel that they're 'pushing you out'? You're probably not too far off the money!  So what if your parents have a laissez-faire attitude to money and bills?! They're entitled to since they're, what? 50-somethings in their own home, and earning what 50-somethings do. Young people in a flat share are simply not interested in, nor able to afford to subsidise one their party's girlfriends. You often go on about how despite living at home, you're independent and so on and so forth, but threads like this go to show how you really don't have much concept at all of what it costs to put your own roof over your head, pay your own bills and be completely responsible for yourself. And all that aside, you must have read the various threads that get posted on here of baggers whinging about flatmates' boyfriends staying over all the time, clogging up the living space and hogging the bathroom to see how much it pisses people off. It's not just the money (although, given that you live at home and doubtless have much more disposable income than they do, the least you could do is hand over a bit to cover bills). It's their place that they pay for, so it's their rules, and as everyone here has said (without exception!!), they're not being at all unreasonable. I'd also venture that if you threaten not to stay over as much, while it might upset your OH (enough to come to your parents' place?), it just might not upset his flatmates too much at all...
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 4/7/2009 1:03 PM BST
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Total posts: 2888
First post: 30/8/2008 Last post: 15/11/2009 |
I think we have to remember that Kiki is still pretty young ( in age and life experience of making it on your own ) and as such, the fact that she's kinda acting a bit 'brattish' is to be expected. Kiki you're not being reasonable, you're acting in a silly and immature manner and you seem to be unable to see any other point of view other than your own. Just let it go now. You're in the wrong. You and I, shall be friends until we are old and senile. |
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 4/7/2009 1:12 PM BST
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Total posts: 2601
First post: 5/10/2005 Last post: 24/9/2009 |
Another vote for you being unreasonable, I'm afraid. I've houseshared before and it was simply because I couldn't afford my own place. If I'd have wanted to share with a couple, I would have, and if I'd have wanted to share with 4 people rather than 3, we'd have moved into a bigger house. As it was, I didn't and I'd be miffed if a housemate basically moved someone in without asking. If you want to spend the night with Mr Kiki, he needs to start coming to yours instead if your parents are OK with that. Otherwise, I've got to say that he sounds like a bit of a selfish prat with his reasons for not staying over. And I've got to admit to being rather shocked that you seem to be blaming the bathroom issues on his housemates! It's Mr Kiki's fault for moving into a place that's clearly not as good and you have absolutely no right to be annoyed at them getting in your way. God, if they want to sit naked in the living room when you're there, they can - it's their house! |
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 4/7/2009 1:45 PM BST
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Total posts: 81
First post: 2/6/2009 Last post: 21/11/2009 |
I live with five other people and chose this place largely because my rent includes my bills. I struggle a bit financially and would be furious to be supporting someone's partner. Fortunately my wealthier boyfriend lives alone and is perfectly happy for me to use his place but while he thinks I'm a bit daft, I regularly clean and do laundry for him because I use his electricity, water and get fed by him (I bring food and cook meals half the time but drink his tea, eat his breakfast cereal, take stuff for the odd lunch etc). I try really hard not to take the piss with his gorgeous apartment but equally would be upset if someone was drinking my milk at home because that milk has to last me the week. I keep my laundry detergent in my bedroom because I have sensitive skin and damnit the stuff ain't cheap! Sorry to rant but his housemates sound very flexible and accomodating. |
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 4/7/2009 2:00 PM BST
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Total posts: 17185
First post: 11/11/2005 Last post: 24/9/2009 |
I think you're far too used to getting your own way Kiki and, dare I say it - somewhat spoilt. It's clear that your parents have bailed you out whenever you've been in trouble money-wise and you've lived a life of convenience and had quite a bit of money spent on you but not everyone is that lucky. I don't think you'll get a true dose of reality until you actually do move out of home and have to start paying bills etc but for the moment you really need to put yourself in the housemate's shoes. You could be the nicest girl in the world and the housemates could get on very well with you but if you're hogging the bathroom, staying over several nights a week and not paying your way, then they won't see you in the same light. |
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 4/7/2009 11:48 PM BST
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Total posts: 1780
First post: 2/6/2006 Last post: 2/10/2009 |
Hear hear Ziggurat! Haven't got anything new to add really, but yes Kiki you are definitely in the wrong. Imagine if you moved in with a girl and she practically moved her boyfriend in and your bills suddenly increased...and there were no parents to bail you out. Maybe you'd see how your boyfriend's housemates are feeling now. |
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 5/7/2009 2:02 AM BST
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Total posts: 5457
First post: 16/7/2007 Last post: 18/10/2009 |
In Response to Re: Opinions on new situtation....: I think you're far too used to getting your own way Kiki and, dare I say it - somewhat spoilt. It's clear that your parents have bailed you out whenever you've been in trouble money-wise and you've lived a life of convenience and had quite a bit of money spent on you but not everyone is that lucky. I don't think you'll get a true dose of reality until you actually do move out of home and have to start paying bills etc but for the moment you really need to put yourself in the housemate's shoes. You could be the nicest girl in the world and the housemates could get on very well with you but if you're hogging the bathroom, staying over several nights a week and not paying your way, then they won't see you in the same light. Posted by sciencechick Can't add much more to what everyone else has said, but just wanted to say that you should try and look at it from the housemates point of view, theres been some good advice given on here, just wanted to ask peoples general opinion of what they think a suitable amount would be to contribute towards the bills? Not necessarily for kikis sitch but just in general? |
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 5/7/2009 8:57 AM BST
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Total posts: 386
First post: 24/3/2009 Last post: 10/11/2009 |
Unfortunately you do have to really see these things from all angles. I understand you only wanting a key so you can see your OH and that as far as you are concerned its his place therefore you have a right but you are guest there and have no rights to anything. I was lucky with my OH's housemates, they were happy for me to come and go, to stay as long as I wanted etc. I was also the only long term gf around. But I was extremely concious of what this was causing them. Therefore if I stayed for longer than a week I would contribute to any bills and I always got their permission if I knew it was going to be an extended stay. Maybe if you start being more thoughtful to them, they will be more accommodating to you. On another note, when I house shared, one of the other girls bf was always at ours. Use to leave the bathroom in a terrible state (never flushed), used all hot water, never washed up his stuff. He also use to do ALL his laundry at ours. I have not spoken to the girl since leaving the flat (over 2 years now) due to all the stress it caused. I don't think you want to cause this sort of rift with your OH's mates really.
Mountains rise and fall, and under them the Turtle swims onward.
Men live and die, and the Turtle Moves. Empires grow and crumble, and the Turtle Moves. Gods come and go, and still the Turtle Moves. The Turtle Moves. - Terry Pratchett "Small Gods" |
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 5/7/2009 9:52 AM BST
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Total posts: 12944
First post: 29/1/2005 Last post: 10/10/2009 |
In Response to Re: Opinions on new situtation....: The only worry is that Mr Kiki practically refuses to come to mine as I live with parents and its far away from his work so I dont know how we will be seeing each other from now on!Posted by Kiki_1986 He'll either compromise, or he'll not see you as much, surely? I'm not going to say anything else on the other stuff, as the other baggers have already said it all.... but he practically refuses to go to yours? so 'Good old Kiki' makes all the effort huh? I don't see why it would hurt him to perhaps see you once a week / once every two weeks round your parents... |
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