Opinions on new situtation....
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 3/7/2009 1:32 PM BST
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Total posts: 5469
First post: 22/5/2006 Last post: 26/10/2009 |
Flogging a dead horse here, but totally agree with everyone else. I'm actually surprised you even think you have a case over this, although if you've never lived away from home, I *guess* I can sort of understand it. Before Mr Zig and I moved in together, if I stayed over at his place that he shared with one (good) friend (who I get on very well with) I would never have dreamt of leaving later than him, even if I did have a later start. Just wouldn't think of it. I do think you're treating yourself like a freeloading 4th flatmate, and to be completely honest - sorry - you're very out of line.
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 3/7/2009 1:56 PM BST
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Total posts: 3276
First post: 23/7/2003 Last post: 22/11/2009 |
when i was in houseshares i hated it when boyfriends just randomly appeared, used the tv/bathroom/kitchen etc when my housemates were out. i always felt awkward and pushed out in my own house. |
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 3/7/2009 2:30 PM BST
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Total posts: 3084
First post: 3/2/2004 Last post: 18/8/2009 |
Another one that agrees with the majority I'm afraid. I did have an ex who had a spare key to my flat which was really just in case myself or the flatmate locked ourselves out not so he could stay over when he wanted and when we split up he refused to give it back for ages. It used to freak me out so god knows how it must have been for my poor flatmate. Thankfully he did finally give it back but I was having to look into changing the locks. I know you're not planning on splitting up with Mr Kiki but just another issue the housemates might be thinking about.
"Many people would sooner die than think. In fact they do."
Bertrand Russell |
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 3/7/2009 2:36 PM BST
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Total posts: 1451
First post: 5/6/2007 Last post: 9/9/2009 |
Sorry but I agree with the majority too. Besides the fact that his HM's are fully entitled to say no to giving you a key, it may actually be written into the contract that express consent to cut new keys, give someone a key, has to be obtained from the landlord beforehand. And assuming they would want to know why you'd need a key, they probably wouldn't be happy with the fact you aren't paying rent yet staying there so often.
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 3/7/2009 2:40 PM BST
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Total posts: 485
First post: 24/1/2007 Last post: 14/7/2009 |
I agree with the masses I'm afraid, I think you are being unreasonable here. I know I wouldn't be comfortable with my housemates partner having a key, even if I liked them and trusted them, it's just a bit out of order especially if you don't contribute to any bills etc. I can understand your frustration but I think you should put yourself in the shoes of the housemate. Although you say you will only use the key to let yourself out a few hours later he might be thinking you'll be able to use it anytime and come and go as you please which I would not be happy with. It seems you think he is out of order for saying your living/work arrangements are not his problems but he's right, they are no concern of his and don't warrant you having your own key. Sorry.
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 3/7/2009 9:39 PM BST
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Total posts: 9094
First post: 9/6/2006 Last post: 1/11/2009 |
Hi all I have spoken to Mr Kiki some more and I think I will be staying there less from now on because I am quite frunstrated with the situation. Fair enough if they wont agree to me having a key- that is their decision. I feel I am being pushed out really anyway what with their only being one key and the whole bathroom scenerio. The only worry is that Mr Kiki practically refuses to come to mine as I live with parents and its far away from his work so I dont know how we will be seeing each other from now on! I have house shared before at uni, but admittedly I have lived at home with my parents for the majority of the time who are not very strict about money or bills and often pay a lot/overpay for things for an easy/easier life. I guess that attitude has rubbed off on me, not saying its right however!. In an ideal world Mr Kiki and I would live together, however he has now just signed a new 12 month contract for this house and I am living at home for now, We have been together nine months and are fairly young so guess we felt it was a bit too soon to move in together and I am going back to college next year so am saving up for that. I dont really agree with comments about me being a freeloader or ungrateful though- I cook for Mr Kiki and his housemates pretty often, often tidy the house up especially Mr Kikis room and the bathroom and contribute in lots of ways other than with money. I do pay towards Mr Kikis food bill every week as well. I dont think his housemates actually dislike me, even though one of them can be difficult a lot of the time. The other one is cool which kind of makes up for it! |
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 3/7/2009 10:36 PM BST
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Total posts: 290
First post: 17/4/2009 Last post: 22/11/2009 |
In Response to Re: Opinions on new situtation....: I dont really agree with comments about me being a freeloader or ungrateful though- I cook for Mr Kiki and his housemates pretty often, often tidy the house up especially Mr Kikis room and the bathroom and contribute in lots of ways other than with money. I do pay towards Mr Kikis food bill every week as well. I dont think his housemates actually dislike me, even though one of them can be difficult a lot of the time. The other one is cool which kind of makes up for it! Posted by Kiki_1986 Well, thats only fair, considering the amount of time you spent there, but what about the extra water, gas & electric that you use? Savvy Your opinion of me is irrelevant and unimportant. |
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 4/7/2009 12:48 AM BST
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Total posts: 1068
First post: 29/12/2005 Last post: 10/9/2009 |
A lot has been said already, but I have to say I agree with the general opinion that your bf's housemates are right to refuse you a key. Try putting the shoe on the other foot, and see if you think differently - this is their home (not just your bf's). If you had a place of your own, how would you feel about someone else dropping in and staying over more than half the week, every week? Our homes are our own places to relax, have privacy, be ourselves etc and sometimes it's just nice to have the place to yourself and kick back. Money aside, it seems you are there an awful lot. And I know you said you get on well, but can you see how they might see it's excessive? I also think it's pretty unreasonable of your bf to "practially refuse" to come to see you at your home - it's a 2 way street! You've said you tidy the place (especially your bf's room), the bathroom, you cook and contribute towards your bf's food bill, and 'lots of others ways' except the money. I think the point here is that, you are actually costing them money by being there so much, but yet you don't offer any money. They may well refuse it if you did offer, but it's the right thing to do. So, it's understandable they may feel a bit resentful. And imagine how irritating it would be to not be able to get into your own bathroom before bed/in the morning/whenever you like, because someone else is using it - and a non-paying housemate at that. Can you start to see it from their point of view? Lindyxx |
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Re: Opinions on new situtation....
posted at 4/7/2009 8:37 AM BST
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Total posts: 3099
First post: 21/3/2008 Last post: 20/10/2009 |
I dont really agree with comments about me being a freeloader or ungrateful though- I cook for Mr Kiki and his housemates pretty often, often tidy the house up especially Mr Kikis room and the bathroom and contribute in lots of ways other than with money. I do pay towards Mr Kikis food bill every week as well. I dont think his housemates actually dislike me, even though one of them can be difficult a lot of the time. The other one is cool which kind of makes up for it! Posted by Kiki_1986 Gosh, I don't mean to be unkind here, but if people are living in a flatshare it can often mean they're short of money/saving. Paying rent, as well as 3-4 types of bills really mounts up, and if I was getting ready for work and someone was hoggint he toilet, that'd annoy me enough, much less if they weren't a member of the household! I'd go as far as suggesting that you have no right to shower there, or be there without Mr Kiki, unless agreed prior with flatmates and you're contributing to the bills. I've been on both sides of the boyfriend staying over divide. When a female friend had her boyfriend over about 3-4 times a week, I'd feel that I couldn't be comfortable in my own house. ESPECIALLY when there's 3 guys living there, they would want their 'manly' space rather than worrying about being polite to an extra female. When I stayed over my boyfriends lots, we would only use his room (unless all housemates were out), and I'd call him when I got there rather than ring their doorbell and disturb his hosuemates. The things you list are things you do for Mr Kiki not his flatmates. Therefore you are compensating for staying with him, but doing nothing to contribute monetarily to his flatmates. I'm afraid he either should have thought about moving somewhere more girlfriend-friendly, or you will have to compromise somewhere along the line! The two issues here (for his flatmates) will be their personal space and you adding to their bills. If you can consider both of these when staying (maybe spend the majority of your time in Mr Kiki's room, and re-stock up their whole fridge, not just Mr Kiki's food/ give Mr Kiki a small contribution atop of his for say the water and electricity bills) then hopefully they will be more welcoming. |
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