Forums » Relationships » Relationships » what are you like
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what are you like
posted at 2/7/2009 4:26 PM BST
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Total posts: 6891
First post: 4/2/2004 Last post: 9/2/2010 |
when you begin a new relationship? When you begin dating someone, do you look for negative things in the other person, or do you really just take them as they come and go with the flow, and simply react accordingly should they do or say something that jars with you? I've been thinking about this a bit recently. I think I looked for bad things in the ex Mr Wau, and for that I feel quite shite. It turned out he wasn't up to much anyway, but I'm wondering if I am too cynical and doubting and I sabotage things sometimes. I'm not saying I did in his case, because he was a stingy pig, and I couldn't in any way have had anything to do with that. What are you like do you think? |
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Re: what are you like
posted at 2/7/2009 4:45 PM BST
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Total posts: 897
First post: 5/6/2008 Last post: 4/2/2010 |
mmmhh, I can't really remember - been with hubby 8 years now. My problem was I got into relationships too quickly. I think I always kinda went with the flow, but when there was too many things bugging me, that was really it. I kinda analysed whatever was bugging me if you know what I mean - was it likely to turn into a serious dealbreaker or not. For example one guy spent too much time in the pub for my liking (my Dad is an alcoholic, so that was always one of the first things I'd look at), so after a few weeks, I ended it. Cause I knew in the long term, that would be a deal breaker. Does that make sense at all? |
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Re: what are you like
posted at 2/7/2009 5:05 PM BST
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Total posts: 471
First post: 28/10/2007 Last post: 14/9/2009 |
I've always gone with the flow, I think. In the case where I noticed a negative thing quite early on I put it in the perspective that there was the potential for it to be a deal breaker if it was going to be serious between us, but because I knew that was unlikely and was more of a fling I let it go. With my ex I went with the flow too much. I let a lot of little stuff go that I shouldn't have and in fact was all a big sign of things to come. With MrPM, I'm going with the flow but more cautiously. Early on I think I was looking for negatives I suppose, in my caution. There aren't any there for me really. He is completely different to my ex though which makes it easier.
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Re: what are you like
posted at 2/7/2009 5:22 PM BST
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Total posts: 23890
First post: 21/6/2005 Last post: 11/11/2009 |
For about 3-6months after i got together with my now husband, i just sort of waited for it to go wrong. this was partly because he'd come straight out of a relationship, which in turn had come straight out of another (pretty serious) relationship, which doesnt look great at all on paper, and partly because my previous two relationships had been such utter failures. I guess I gradually came to realise it really was as good as it seemed, and the rest is history, really. i do think its healthy to take a pinch of cynicsm into a realtionship. Because if you do occasionally stop and ponder 'is this as good as i think?' it may ring alarm bells with you, or just reaffirm that it is... both of which are good things. |
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Re: what are you like
posted at 2/7/2009 5:36 PM BST
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Total posts: 15460
First post: 20/1/2005 Last post: 6/2/2010 |
It depends on the rellie. With my ex I fell hard and fast, went with the flow and didn't really stop to think about whether we were right for each other. In all honesty that period of my life was one of the happiest I have ever been. I walked around in a big happy bubble for about a year. This time round I was more catious, but also more relaxed. He was the one who did most of the chasing and right from the start I was under no illusions that he had fallen for me, allowing me to take my time and ensure he was right for me. As it happens I also fell really quickly, but I did evaluate whether I could let myself, so it was very much head over heart to start with. |
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Re: what are you like
posted at 2/7/2009 7:12 PM BST
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Total posts: 17185
First post: 11/11/2005 Last post: 24/9/2009 |
I've just gone with the flow - I've never consciously picked out negatives in the other person because I would hate for someone to do the same to me. I guess I've had it pretty easy because in all the dates I've been on, whether or not they've turned into a relationship - I've never been in any doubt that they were into me. It was just so obvious that they were so in my mind I never had 'doubts' in the first place. Smale is right though - don't switch your twunt radar completely off but don't go looking for faults either. |
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Re: what are you like
posted at 2/7/2009 8:40 PM BST
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Total posts: 2356
First post: 6/10/2005 Last post: 31/12/2009 |
In Response to Re: what are you like: I've never consciously picked out negatives in the other person because I would hate for someone to do the same to me. Posted by sciencechick Troof. BJx |
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Re: what are you like
posted at 2/7/2009 8:45 PM BST
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Total posts: 15460
First post: 20/1/2005 Last post: 6/2/2010 |
It's not so much about picking up on the negatives though, as assessing someone for compatability, surely we all do that? For example, the bloke I dated briefly before Mr Megs was a nice enough bloke but a messy bugger, really dirty untidy. Now I'm anal about cleanliness, so when I first saw his house I knew there was no long term compatability there and I downgraded him from potential bf to fling. |
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Re: what are you like
posted at 2/7/2009 9:19 PM BST
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Total posts: 61
First post: 12/5/2009 Last post: 14/7/2009 |
In Response to Re: what are you like: ..........i do think its healthy to take a pinch of cynicsm into a realtionship. Because if you do occasionally stop and ponder 'is this as good as i think?' it may ring alarm bells with you, or just reaffirm that it is... both of which are good things. Posted by smalex Wise words! Thank you :)
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic
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Re: what are you like
posted at 2/7/2009 9:35 PM BST
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Total posts: 1731
First post: 17/11/2004 Last post: 7/2/2010 |
Before my ex, I was quite critical about potential bfs, but now I think that was a good thing as those guys I stopped from getting close were always blowing hot and cold at the time! With my ex, I definitely went more with the flow when perhaps I should've picked up on clues as to how we would turn out as in he would never be 'the one'. It wasn't a bad break up, but I think in a way I resented him for a few things he did when we first got together that I didn't realise at the time! I think next time, I will go back to being cautious but try to strike a happy medium so I can still enjoy what we have without overthinking it all. |
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