Forums » Relationships » Relationships » Lies about Boyfriends past
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Re: Lies about Boyfriends past
posted at 9/7/2009 7:31 PM BST
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Total posts: 10618
First post: 19/11/2006 Last post: 1/3/2010 |
In Response to Re: Lies about Boyfriends past: It's interesting that most of us would find the idea of a partner sleeping with prostitutes in the past a bit of a shocker and I wonder if that's because women generally link sex with closeness, trust and an emotional connection. Whereas men have more of the capacity to see sex as functional and a means of release which can be separated from having to be close to someone. Maybe most women find that quite confusing. Just a pondering. Sorry to hijack OP! Posted by Potion I think it show's the woman on here who just think of sex as sex P oops lol. Sorry OP hijacked again. xx |
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Re: Lies about Boyfriends past
posted at 9/7/2009 7:44 PM BST
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Total posts: 30801
First post: 18/3/2003 Last post: 30/11/2009 |
In Response to Re: Lies about Boyfriends past: It's interesting that most of us would find the idea of a partner sleeping with prostitutes in the past a bit of a shocker and I wonder if that's because women generally link sex with closeness, trust and an emotional connection. Whereas men have more of the capacity to see sex as functional and a means of release which can be separated from having to be close to someone. Maybe most women find that quite confusing. Just a pondering. Sorry to hijack OP! Posted by Potion It's not that necessarily for me, so much as someone paying for it; seeing a woman as a bottle he can empty himself for. A transaction, not a human being. And yes, paying £2 for a poor desperate woman in a deprived country is just vomit-inducing. :( |
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Re: Lies about Boyfriends past
posted at 9/7/2009 8:05 PM BST
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Total posts: 5493
First post: 22/5/2006 Last post: 25/1/2010 |
OK. I'm going to get flamed to high hell for this, but here goes... I can *sort of* understand why some blokes might, shall we say, be a little economical with the truth when it comes to numbers... To my mind, I can see why some blokes might be particularly wary of the sort of person who would ask for his number. Personally, I just don't understand the need for this conversation. What would I do with the information? Be upset if it's too many? Be worried if it's too few? What exactly would the right number be? Plus, it's no-one's business but mine what my number is. So - if a guy comes across a girl who wants to know, he's probably going to think, rightly or wrongly, that she's not going to congratulate him if his number is high (whatever high is). So he knocks a few off. Is it the worst sin in the world? I don't think so. I just think no good can really come of having the numbers conversation. I don't condone lying. And I don't even necessarily condone little white lies to spare the other person's feelings. I guess all you can do with this is have the conversation. Let him know that you don't appreciate being lied to, and in the future you'd prefer he just told you the truth, since lies will make the whole thing worse. But - at the end of the day, his past is his past, and he's the bloke he is, thanks to that past. With regards to the prostitutes, you'll just have to decide if it's a deal breaker or not.
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Re: Lies about Boyfriends past
posted at 9/7/2009 8:07 PM BST
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Total posts: 6501
First post: 10/3/2005 Last post: 6/9/2009 |
He didn't HAVE to tell you about his past as it was nothing to do with you - but when asked he told quite a specific lie i.e. that there was only one woman. If he had said "yeah, I slept with a couple of people" or something general, or even just said "look I had a good time but it's the past now and it's you I want to be with" then I'd have more respect for him than outright lying. Although, I'm not sure why you asked either, it does seem that trust is an issue in the relationship, is there any particular reason for that that could be addressed? The prostitutes, that's a whole different story, I don't personally think I could get past that, for the reasons Lily outlined but also for other, less rational, reasons. The other possibility is that the messages on facebook were exaggerated to show off to his friends. But to be honest I'm not sure I'd want to be with someone who felt the need to do that either. |
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Re: Lies about Boyfriends past
posted at 9/7/2009 8:24 PM BST
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Total posts: 440
First post: 22/1/2008 Last post: 13/8/2009 |
In Response to Re: Lies about Boyfriends past: In Response to Re: Lies about Boyfriends past : It's not that necessarily for me, so much as someone paying for it; seeing a woman as a bottle he can empty himself for. A transaction, not a human being. And yes, paying £2 for a poor desperate woman in a deprived country is just vomit-inducing. :( Posted by Lily Couldn't agree more Lily. Having sex with prostitutes is supporting the trafficking of desperate women, nothing to do with feeling 'emotional' about sex. The lying I could probably get over. The prostitutes, I couldn't. |
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Re: Lies about Boyfriends past
posted at 9/7/2009 9:14 PM BST
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Total posts: 25451
First post: 29/6/2006 Last post: 1/12/2009 |
In Response to Re: Lies about Boyfriends past: I get why people are saying that the past is his business and to an extent I agree but the fact he lied about it and continued to lie until the OP found out suggests he feels ashamed and 'wrong' about it and that he definitely had stuff to hide and that in itself is a worry. I would respect a guy more who told me the truth even if it would surprise me, e.g. the sleeping with prostitutes bit, because it would show we had mutual trust and that he valued me to be honest. And I think if someone has had a sexual past which involves sleeping with prostitutes then it does effect new partners in terms of sexual health so I hope that the OP's partner has had a full MOT in that respect and that the OP has got herself checked out too. Apart from the emotional side, I'd definitely be mindful of the health side too. I guess when we start a new r'ship, we like to think/hope that all will be out in the open in the beginning and it does feel like a betrayal when stuff like this starts to emerge later, once our heart and feelings are more involved with the other person. Posted by Potion 100% agree I dont like the idea of prostitutes at all but I can pretty much get over anything if someone is honest and upfront about it. If a partner told me, said it was his past and not something he would do again but he's moved on, i would have alot of respect for him telling me this, being unashamed and grown up. Lying, as usual, is what taints it all. It would make me feel he could do it again and hasnt moved on from it. Infact I just don't like people who lie, I mean be proud of who you are and what made you as you are, thats so much more commendable. Men NEVER get this though, ever. Being self assured about who you are and what made you grow as a person is more attractive then someone who lies continuously to hide things. Pathetic. |
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Re: Lies about Boyfriends past
posted at 9/7/2009 11:29 PM BST
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Total posts: 440
First post: 22/1/2008 Last post: 13/8/2009 |
In Response to Re: Lies about Boyfriends past: The truth is most blokes lie because girls dont like the truth. He probably thought you would get upset so told a few fibs. Not the worst crime in the world. Posted by PreacherMan I'm so excited, is this the first troll in the great trolling game?! |
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Re: Lies about Boyfriends past
posted at 9/7/2009 11:29 PM BST
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Total posts: 6639
First post: 9/11/2003 Last post: 25/9/2009 |
In Response to Re: Lies about Boyfriends past: The truth is most blokes lie because girls dont like the truth. He probably thought you would get upset so told a few fibs. Not the worst crime in the world. Posted by PreacherMan But not conducive to building a loving, trusting relationship either so I wonder, why lie? Why lie if you want to start a positive r'ship with someone? Why not just come out with the truth when asked and then deal with the potential fallout from that when and if it happens? I know the answer is because people are scared of the truth and scared to tell the truth in case of the other person's reaction. But even if I had started to see a guy and he told me that he'd committed an horrific crime, yes I would then be wary and have to discuss this with him to the nth degree until I understood and could accept absolutely everything about the situation, but however shocked I was and even if I realised that I couldn't stay with him, I would still respect him for being honest with me and would tell him so. I dunno, I just think lying is such an ugly trait and so sad too. |
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Re: Lies about Boyfriends past
posted at 10/7/2009 8:19 AM BST
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Total posts: 15460
First post: 20/1/2005 Last post: 6/2/2010 |
In Response to Re: Lies about Boyfriends past: In Response to Re: Lies about Boyfriends past : I'm so excited, is this the first troll in the great trolling game?! Posted by scaredycat7 It's a poor effort if it is. |
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