Hi there,
This is my first post, so bear with me! It's all a bit long and complicated but the jist of the story is: I've just moved to Australia to be with partner who's Aussie, whom I met in England. We've been together 3 and a half years, but once his working visa ran out, we spent a year apart during which time I applied for a visa to be with him in Oz.

I moved here at the beginning of the year and we had a secret wedding so we could stay together (my friends and family back home know, only a few of his in Oz know about it.) I have no friends or family of my own here and I'm finding that hard.

Thing is my relationship with my partner is extremely volatile - always has been. We can be good one day and have a horrendous argument the next day that results in screaming matches, walls being punched etc. We're both hot-tempered and highly strung and he has a lot of anger.

A lot of our rows center on my need for more affection, reassurance. I sometimes look at other couples and wish my partner was as naturally affectionate, a kiss here, a stroke of the hair there. He can be monosyllabic a lot of the time. And we only seem to sleep with each other at weekends at the moment. During the week we could be flatmates. I've brought up the fact I need more attention but it results in more rows.

My self-esteem is really low at the moment and it didn't help when I found out he'd been looking at porn on my computer behind my back a month or so ago. I felt really betrayed and cried and threatened to go and he assured me it was something he wouldn't do again.

My insecurity/jealousy has been rife ever since. Over the weekend I made a fool out of myself by storming out of a bar over a comment - which I took as incriminating - someone made about him and this girl (who is supposedly obsessed with him). I was drunk and irrational but he didn't follow me out - he apparently just got really angry over it and almost had a fight with his best friend.

He came home ten hours later and took the moral high ground with me, saying I'd stormed off in front of all his friends as though he were embarrassed (so now they all know how insecure I am). The fallout was typically violent and horrid (emotionally rather than physically.)

Now, it's all a day away, I think he would quite happily brush this under the carpet again. He's even told me he needs more space and needs to see his friends and told me he wishes I'd do something with myself, too. (As if I don't! It's so hard not having any friends outside of his circle.)

Anyway, that was one long ramble. I just don't know what to do. I've got no one to stay with, no one on my timezone to discuss it with and don't want to worry people back home. Part of me just wants to get on a plane and go home, but the stakes are so high in our English/Aussie relationship that if I left it wouldn't be easy to change my mind back...

I suppose my main issue is not feeling reassured or loved enough even though I have made a massive sacrifice to come here. I can't stand the thought of this being the pattern of our relationship for as long as we stay together and I just wish he'd show how much he loved me by compromising on the affection thing. I don't know how to bring it up without it resulting him letting out a sigh and saying "not this again..."

Any advice greatly appreciated. Sorry it was so long...

x