His ex
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His ex
posted at 8/11/2009 5:14 PM GMT
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Total posts: 1
First post: 8/11/2009 Last post: 8/11/2009 |
Hi, new here!  I've been with my boyfriend since the beginning of the year, and in general things are great. We were friends before we got together, which is always a bonus for me. There's something that's been on my mind lately...he's still friends with his ex (well, he's still friends with pretty much all his exes, but the other ones don't bother me), and she is actually superwoman. He's really into his outdoor sports - climbing, hillwalking, that sort of thing. When they were going out, they did stuff like that all the time, and even now when he's looking for a walk to go on or a good place to go climbing, she's the first person he'll ask. When she emailed him the other night with the name of a band she'd heard, he went straight online to look them up. It's not like he talks about her all the time, but he's mentioned her quite a few times - as in "Diane once went to...and said it was an amazing climb", or "When we were doing up Diane's house...". Last week, she phoned him up after the pub, she was pretty wrecked, and they were on the phone for ages. And I know it was a really tiny thing, but I was in the room and I think she asked him who he'd gone camping with...and he said "Oh, I went with Dave (our other mate, who we spend a lot of time with), Ruby and Mark". I just felt like he mentioned Dave first because maybe he hadn't been that obvious with her that we're together. Silly, huh? Anyways, I know he gets frustrated sometimes because I'm not the most practical person in the world...And I know from what I've heard that she is - he's never flat out compared me to her or anything, but sometimes when I can't put up a shelf, for example, I feel like he's thinking he wouldn't have to explain such rudimentary things to me. When I was a kid I spent a lot of my time and effort studying, so I could get into a good uni...so I never really did much like camping or riding my bike. I've been feeling really down on myself lately, and it doesn't help I gained loads of weight when i went on the Pill earlier this year (I've gone off it now, after I gained over a stone in just a few months), so I've been feeling enerally yucky and unattractive. I succumbed to my childish urges the other day and had a look at her facebook page, and it REALLY doesn't help she's skinny and pretty...on top of being clever and practical and probably the kind of girl he'd normally go for. 
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Re: His ex
posted at 8/11/2009 7:04 PM GMT
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Total posts: 1351
First post: 12/8/2007 Last post: 20/11/2009 |
Oh Ruby Ruby Ruby....you need to stop this! Seems to me like an irrational jealousy and if you don't check it now, this could spoil your relationship. He is not with her, he is with YOU and this comparison game is pointless. I assume if he wantd to be wiht her he would be, but he has chosen you. Please try to relax on this, and get some perspective. x "and that's all i have to say about that..." |
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Re: His ex
posted at 8/11/2009 10:55 PM GMT
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Total posts: 32
First post: 30/12/2008 Last post: 18/11/2009 |
Hi I'm sorry you're feeling like this. Its so easy to slip into this mode of thinking, especially if you're not feeling happy with yourself atm. I think what you've got to concentrate on is that he is NOT WITH HER ANYMORE!!!! He obviously ended it for a reason, or she did because it wasn't working ... and that means that he wants to be with you, NOT her. I think that always makes me feel better if I'm having a jealous moment, and I do lots, especially if I'm feeling hormonal lol. In the end I trust my OH completely, it's just sometimes you think why is he with me, not so and so, (be it an ex or a friend of a stranger) who is so pretty or athletic etc etc. In my experience most guys don't think things through enough to have deliberately put your name further down the list to conceal your relationship. So i wouldn't worry about that, it's probably something you wouldn't have picked up on if you weren't already feeling a bit down. Out of interest have you mentioned any of this to him? That you're uncomfortable with his level of contact with her? I have no problem with my OH being friends with his exes, but i would be worried if he was contacting her a ridiculous amount, or if he was speaking to her for ages late at night while I was there and he didn't need to speak to her for anything in particular. Personally I wouldn't worry about it, he's with you for a reason, and the practical stuff is something you can learn (or pay someone to do which is the option i choose lol!!), unlike your personality etc which he clearly does like cos he's with you. I'd concentrate on getting yourself happy, so if it means losing weight or doing exercise, or going to a community college and doing a DIY course or something, but do it for YOU, not to make him love you, cos it sounds like he does already. If he does want you to change or expect you to, then he's not worth the effort anyway! Hope you start you feel happier RoobeyRoo. Good luck, keep us updated! |
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