He's still friends with his ex - and her kid - and ALL his exes...
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He's still friends with his ex - and her kid - and ALL his exes...
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He's still friends with his ex - and her kid - and ALL his exes...
posted at 21/11/2009 8:08 PM GMT
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Total posts: 2
First post: 21/11/2009 Last post: 21/11/2009 |
It seems silly posting this, but its been really bugging me so I need your feedback; my friends are giving me the 'I'm sure its fine' version to save my feelings I think. (I had a marriage a few years ago which was ruined by a woman with prior claims on him - so i know i'm possibly over-reacting here... I met a man I've been seeing for a little while now. He was very up-front when we met about the fact that he only now dates soemone he can see a future with; I've fallen head over heels for him like I never thought I would again, and he's great, always calling and texting and very affectionate... But: almost all his friends are female, and lots are exes. He's said he knows it's a bit weird and previous girlfriends have commented on it. This isn't what bugs me so much though (he's very friendly and I DO trust him, if not them!) The thing is he was married a long time ago to a woman who had a child from her past relationship whom he still sees and treats as his own, tho she isnt his. Isn't it weird that she's still in his life? They weren't together that long; it seems weird to me. Even if he doesn't love her anymore, if she's still reliant on him doesn't that mean that she at least still has feelings for him? I've tried being rational about this and I'd never tell him this annoyed me because he's been open with me about it, but all the same - They often speak on the phone or email. Maybe just because I couldn't imagine ever speaking to my ex husband doesn't mean other people can't be friends after, but i find it realy difficult. What do you reckon ladies?
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Re: He's still friends with his ex - and her kid - and ALL his exes...
posted at 22/11/2009 9:20 AM GMT
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Total posts: 3434
First post: 23/7/2003 Last post: 14/3/2010 |
i think that you need to let him live his life as he pleases, and decide on his behaviour whether or not you want to be with him. you can't impose rules or make demands as that isn't fair. MrC still sees his ex who he lived with for 9 years. they have take aways and watch DVDs together. I still go to dinner every now and again with one of my exs. neither of us is upset about it and we trust each other. i have also been cheated on in the past, but i choose not to let bad past experiences with someone else ruin a lovely present with MrC.
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Re: He's still friends with his ex - and her kid - and ALL his exes...
posted at 22/11/2009 2:18 PM GMT
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Total posts: 1944
First post: 12/8/2007 Last post: 15/3/2010 |
I think you should stop fretting about this one - I say what a man for keeping up contact with a child to which he was once close! Not many would, and to me, this would make me love him even more! I have a close friend who spent a few years as a stepfather to a child, who is now an adult, and doesn't even return his calls or send him a birthday card. Now that's painful. "and that's all i have to say about that..." |
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Re: He's still friends with his ex - and her kid - and ALL his exes...
posted at 22/11/2009 2:20 PM GMT
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Total posts: 1944
First post: 12/8/2007 Last post: 15/3/2010 |
PS - I have two exes who now my two closest male friends. If my current partner wanted me to stop seeing them, or made an issue of it, I would tell him to sod off!
"and that's all i have to say about that..." |
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Re: He's still friends with his ex - and her kid - and ALL his exes...
posted at 22/11/2009 3:32 PM GMT
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Total posts: 136
First post: 14/12/2008 Last post: 25/1/2010 |
I can understand it makes you fel a bit uneasy because ofwhat hppen to you with your marriage, but this guy sounds like a good man, so try to not tar him with the same brush. As sats says, any man who is willing to still be part of a childs life who is not his own, is endearing. It means that he bonded with the child, the fact that hisrelationship with the mother ended speaks for itself. It eneded for a reason, thy are exes for a reason. Does not mean they can't care about each other or be friends, they just don't have what (maybe) he has found with you! I understand that maybe you are a little jealous, it's only natural, but you must try and keep those feeling in check if you want things to work with him. Maybe you could get more involved if (he's willing for you to be), make friends with these women too. Maybe throw a dnner party or a christmas bash as a way to get to know each others friends a bit more. This might help you feel a bit more secure. I have an ex who I had been friends with before we got together for five years, and still stayed friends after we ended. about three years after we had finished, I was uninvited from his wedding because his wife was not comfortable having me around. I didn't want him as anything but a friend, and it really hurt when he agreed to not have me there. I had to accept that this was more to do with her insecurities than anything about me as a person. I would have really respected her if she had met me and said hey, I am secure enough in my relationship to accept that you are in his life, you have been for a long time and I trust him. He still texts me and visits every now and again for a cup of tea when he is home (he now lives in scotland). The sad thing is, he keeps this secret from his wife, but there is absolutely nothing to hide from her! Crazy! Your guy is being upfront with you, he could be sneaking around behind your back seeing these women, but why should he? Accept he respects you enough to be honest open and believes you should feel secure enough with him for this not to be an issue for you. Sounds like you have a gooden, keep hold of him and respect him for it. : ) x
Lilly xxx
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Re: He's still friends with his ex - and her kid - and ALL his exes...
posted at 23/11/2009 1:21 PM GMT
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Total posts: 2486
First post: 1/4/2005 Last post: 11/3/2010 |
I think that its important to note that he has been honest with you about this and perhaps give him the benefit of the doubt. I was raised by my step-dad and mom and cant imagine him not being around if they were to break up. I would still want to see him etc as he is in effect my dad and if he were to have a new partner who didnt like that then I would be distraught to say the least. When its father day, he gets the gift and card. My 'real' dad is a distant memory. He sounds like a decent guy. He hasnt hidden it from you, and he may not have been with her for long but its good that he built the bond and has now maintained it, not broken away and left a little girl damaged by a relationship that came to an end. Let him be there for her and take confidence that he is with you. His ex doesnt need to be an issue here. |
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Re: He's still friends with his ex - and her kid - and ALL his exes...
posted at 24/11/2009 9:48 AM GMT
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Total posts: 6262
First post: 13/6/2003 Last post: 12/3/2010 |
I agree with SK, it says a lot about him. The fact that he has been honest with you speaks volumes, it's now for you to decide whether this is too much for you to accept. If it is too much, don't spend more time going over it in your head, you need to end it now. If you can get over it and appreciate his honesty, then trust him.
Jess
xxx Suspense is like a woman; the more left to the imagination, the more the excitement - Alfred Hitchcock http://vintagehuntress.blogspot.com/ Bagging since Feb 2002 |
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