Forked from houseshare thread, or would be on an ideal Bag
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Forked from houseshare thread, or would be on an ideal Bag
posted at 3/7/2009 2:55 PM BST
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Total posts: 1852
First post: 2/1/2007 Last post: 2/9/2009 |
The other thread made me wonder about my own living arrangements... Last (uni) year I lived with 3 other people and my boyfriend lived in a houseshare with 3 other lads. All 8 of us were already v close friends before we moved into these houses so there was a lot of visiting going on and we felt comfortable with everyone being in both houses. Anyway my boyfriend and I used to spend half the week at his, and half at mine. We thought that was fair - more or less balanced out to one person spending a full week in each house. But after reading that other thread I don't know if we should have done that? Nobody complained since we are all friends, as I mentioned. My OH would turn up at mine late evening and leave early morning, only ever showered at his, and he would bring loo roll and tea bags and things over. And the other thing is the housemate at mine who I'm living with again next year. She is taking the piss - she didn't like sleeping at her bloke's house (he lives with my OH) so she had him at ours probably 5 or 6 nights a week, on average. It bothered me but not massively cos after all my bloke was over a lot, and I was only in half the week anyway. But at the end of the year it started to really irritate me. All the stuff that my housemate blamed on the other two tenants - broken plates, dirty dishes, rubbish left on the sofa, recycling in the wrong bin, putting food waste in the kitchen bin without a bin bag, rotten veg left in the fridge - turned out to be almost entirely down to her boyfriend. She also started to let him use our shower instead of going back to his! Anyway our house next year is much closer to the lads' house, and a few weeks ago she said "Great, now we never have to sleep at their house again!"  Help me broach this subject without sounding like a total hypocrite........ h xx |
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Re: Forked from houseshare thread, or would be on an ideal Bag
posted at 5/7/2009 11:14 AM BST
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Total posts: 20313
First post: 11/6/2005 Last post: 7/11/2009 |
I think it's easy to get irritated when people take the piss. It sounds as if you need to sit her down and have a chat about what you would like to happen or suggest that maybe it's time that they got a place together just the two of them. I struggle a lot living with another adult full stop so would be hopeless in a houseshare. |
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Re: Forked from houseshare thread, or would be on an ideal Bag
posted at 5/7/2009 12:02 PM BST
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Total posts: 1852
First post: 2/1/2007 Last post: 2/9/2009 |
Yeah, I find it difficult. I guess the problem is that none of us want to risk living together yet - we know a few other students who have rushed to move in with boyfriends/girlfriends and it's all gone horribly wrong!
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Re: Forked from houseshare thread, or would be on an ideal Bag
posted at 5/7/2009 1:14 PM BST
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Total posts: 2377
First post: 1/4/2005 Last post: 6/11/2009 |
I agree that you need to just sit down and perhaps work out a schedule from now of how often you are all comfortable with having partners etc stay over and perhaps promise to review it if it becomes an issue mid-term? Its a tough one as people are so different, what suits one may completely upset another. I could never house-share. I just about manage my bf staying over, let alone other people, lol!
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Re: Forked from houseshare thread, or would be on an ideal Bag
posted at 5/7/2009 1:38 PM BST
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Total posts: 1346
First post: 13/12/2008 Last post: 1/8/2009 |
I would explain that given the current econmic climate, you simply can't afford to pay all the bills and that the guys will have to contribute towards food and fuel, if they are going to be staying at your house as often as you are. That's about the only good thing about a recession, you can hide behind it and use it to let people know when they are taking the piss. |
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Re: Forked from houseshare thread, or would be on an ideal Bag
posted at 5/7/2009 1:40 PM BST
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Total posts: 5469
First post: 22/5/2006 Last post: 26/10/2009 |
I'd just play dumb and instigate a chat about what's reasonable in terms of both of them staying over - how many nights per week, etc. And whether they can shower at yours, and that you're each responsible for tidying up after them, if they're incapable of tidying up after themselves. I mean, I'd be expecting my bf to clean up after himself (assuming he's not a toddler), but if he's unable, it would be my responsibility, not my flatmates.
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Re: Forked from houseshare thread, or would be on an ideal Bag
posted at 5/7/2009 1:46 PM BST
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Total posts: 1852
First post: 2/1/2007 Last post: 2/9/2009 |
Thanks for the input... I've just sent a message round to my housemates on Facebook, seeing as that's the easiest way of contacting everyone. We'd chatted about setting up some "house rules" so everybody knows where they stand, so I suggested we each contribute a few rules, and then said the main issue for me was boyfriends staying over... I tried not to make it seem aimed at her in particular but she'll almost definitely realise it is! I just hope she doesn't bring up the arrangement me and my bloke had last year. I thought it was pretty reasonable at the time - after all I was totally absent from the house for at least half the week, whereas she was at ours every night, with her boyfriend there as well for 5/6 nights. I don't know, I'll wait and see how it goes. |
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Re: Forked from houseshare thread, or would be on an ideal Bag
posted at 5/7/2009 5:28 PM BST
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Total posts: 718
First post: 13/2/2005 Last post: 24/10/2009 |
Thanks for the input... I've just sent a message round to my housemates on Facebook, seeing as that's the easiest way of contacting everyone. We'd chatted about setting up some "house rules" so everybody knows where they stand, so I suggested we each contribute a few rules, and then said the main issue for me was boyfriends staying over... I tried not to make it seem aimed at her in particular but she'll almost definitely realise it is! I just hope she doesn't bring up the arrangement me and my bloke had last year. I thought it was pretty reasonable at the time - after all I was totally absent from the house for at least half the week, whereas she was at ours every night, with her boyfriend there as well for 5/6 nights. I don't know, I'll wait and see how it goes. Posted by L'H Rouge I think that talking it all over now is the way to go ... I can see why your arrangement seemed reasonable (and I'm not saying it wasn't!) but you might have annoyed others, as living in a house of 3 people half the time and a house of 5 people half the time still isn't the same as living in a house of 4 people all the time. Perhaps if your friend takes offense you could also say what you've said here - that at the time you thought what you did was fair and so just went ahead, but you've since realised that you should've discussed it so as to make sure that people were actually happy with it, they weren't just going "this is annoying ... but as I'm friends with LHR and her OH it's not worth making a big fuss over ... but it is actually really annoying ...". Also if things like taking up shower time (and hot water!) are something specific you have opinions on, now is the time to get that out in the open - it may not even have occurred to the other people. And it may be worth distinguishing between boyfriend staying over lots (in her room 90% of the time) and staying over lots (in the lounge hanging out on the sofa 90% of the time) as obviously the latter is much more disruptive than the former. |
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Re: Forked from houseshare thread, or would be on an ideal Bag
posted at 5/7/2009 7:07 PM BST
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Total posts: 1852
First post: 2/1/2007 Last post: 2/9/2009 |
In Response to Re: Forked from houseshare thread, or would be on an ideal Bag: Perhaps if your friend takes offense you could also say what you've said here - that at the time you thought what you did was fair and so just went ahead, but you've since realised that you should've discussed it so as to make sure that people were actually happy with it, they weren't just going "this is annoying ... but as I'm friends with LHR and her OH it's not worth making a big fuss over ... but it is actually really annoying ...". Posted by Melinda003 Yeah, that was a worry for me!!! We wouldn't have done it if we hadn't been such a close group of friends - but next year there will be two girls I don't know very well so it will be different. That's pretty much why I want to discuss boundaries and rules and the like. She did say he would only sleep at ours, not cook and hang out every night, but last year I would often come downstairs and she'd be in her room playing on her laptop, while he was in the front room watching our TV! Basically running two electricity-hogging appliances at the same time... and then if we raised any issues like paying for loo roll etc., they would just laugh it off... Sorry, I'm starting to rant aren't I! Maybe it would be good for me and my bloke to start "dating" instead of living in each other's pockets. I must say I enjoyed it during the exam period when we slept seperately every night! |
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Re: Forked from houseshare thread, or would be on an ideal Bag
posted at 5/7/2009 7:21 PM BST
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Total posts: 1698
First post: 9/5/2008 Last post: 2/10/2009 |
Definately talk and agree on some rules, such as no partners in communal areas for long lengths of time without their respective partner (and definaely no hogging the couch or TV), maybe have one/two partner free nights a week, were you know you can walk around in your underwear without having someone else's boyfriend gwap at you. |
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