Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
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Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
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Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
posted at 4/7/2009 7:34 PM BST
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Total posts: 98
First post: 24/4/2008 Last post: 12/7/2009 |
In Response to Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?: Hi Lovebee, So have you heard from the guy Rob at all? What's his view - it must be making him feel uncomfortable to know he's sparked this huge argument? Yes I have heard from him, he's been texting me. He doesn't know about the argument and I don't really want to tell him - not yet, at least. As far as I can tell he doesn't even seem to realise that she actually likes him like that, so if I told him all of this stuff that's going on it'd probably be quite embarrassing for my friend. |
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Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
posted at 5/7/2009 10:41 AM BST
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Total posts: 386
First post: 24/3/2009 Last post: 10/11/2009 |
I totally agree with not telling him yet, if she found out you had she might think you are both laughing at her. Have you spoken to her yet? I have never understood this whole, "I saw him first, hes mine". Understand if someone is taken but if not, everyone is a free agent. Happened with my OH and I. Friend had already spotted him weeks before I knew him. I asked her however, before I reciprocated his approaches. She told me to go for it, at least he fancied one of us.
Mountains rise and fall, and under them the Turtle swims onward.
Men live and die, and the Turtle Moves. Empires grow and crumble, and the Turtle Moves. Gods come and go, and still the Turtle Moves. The Turtle Moves. - Terry Pratchett "Small Gods" |
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Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
posted at 5/7/2009 8:06 PM BST
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Total posts: 149
First post: 19/12/2006 Last post: 3/8/2009 |
Mmmm. Its a hard one. I am very secretive too, to the extent that I never tell my feelings until I am really sure about someone. This means that my friends usually announce they like someone before me and I have backed down. I liked a guy recently and my friend announced that she did too, that was it. She had 'first dibs'. I know that sounds childish but thats what its like - childish, I immediatley backed down despite big signals on his part. After a while, he stopped. I wish I had done something as he clearly wasnt interested in my friend. I now start to think more about this secret code of honour. If I was chasing after my best friends recent ex, or someone she really likes then thats fine, I shouldnt and wont. But I am not going to stop flirting / chatting woth someone in which friends have not had a chance to build much of a relationship with, then I have no problem with seeing him. I reckon your friend will get over it, hopefully she will calm down. Its not like she had a big fling with him. I dont think you have done anything wrong. |
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Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
posted at 6/7/2009 9:18 AM BST
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Total posts: 30799
First post: 18/3/2003 Last post: 16/11/2009 |
Lovebee, I think you're right not to tell him about your friend. I do wonder if a lot of her reaction comes from feeling very humiliated, as I said. If she finds out he knows that she liked him, she'll be even more heartbroken. Normally I'd agree with those who think that Lovebee has behaved badly, but I understand why she kept quiet about her feelings for Rob. Because her friend liked him, and she assumed he'd like her back, so she didn't want to get in the way IYSWIM. Suddenly it turned out that the man she liked liked her, and not her friend, and that was what put her in the quandary. I think Lovebee's initial silence was out of friendship, although I can see how it doesn't come across that way. If a friend said "ooh I really like Rob" would you really say "Blimey yes, me too?" Lovebee's made mistakes, but not out of cruelty - mainly out of not knowing what on earth to do, IMO. |
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