Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
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Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
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Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
posted at 4/7/2009 3:16 PM BST
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Total posts: 81
First post: 2/6/2009 Last post: 21/11/2009 |
I don't think you've done anything wrong. for various reasons you protected yourself and when things changed you told her immediately. There is no such thing as prior claim. Friendships are hugely important but the important friends love you back. One of my best friends is the boyfriend of my best friend and is still mates with my ex. I left my ex and my ex is bitter but my friend refuses to get involved. For all that I've hurt his friend and made his life arkward he loves me for who I am. If the dust settles and she can't move on then she's self-centred and doesn't actually care about your happiness. Good luck with Rob x |
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Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
posted at 4/7/2009 3:21 PM BST
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Total posts: 2888
First post: 30/8/2008 Last post: 15/11/2009 |
In Response to Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?: I If the dust settles and she can't move on then she's self-centred and doesn't actually care about your happiness. x Posted by Evana What ??  You (not you, you ) do the dirty on her, then its HER fault, as she's selfish for ' not getting over it and caring about your happiness' ???? I'll kick you on the teeth, make you feel even shitter about yourself and then decidie that youre being a complete selfish biatch for not liking it !!! Unbelievable !!! Some people are just definitely wired wrong ! You and I, shall be friends until we are old and senile. |
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Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
posted at 4/7/2009 4:15 PM BST
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Total posts: 15459
First post: 20/1/2005 Last post: 3/11/2009 |
Mannering I'd agree with you if this bloke was the mates ex or something, but he is not. They both just happend to fancy the same bloke, I don't buy this 'I saw him first' argument at all. IMO the OPs biggest mistake was not telling her friend that she liked him too, but I don't think she has done anything unforgivable, just not something to be proud of. |
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Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
posted at 4/7/2009 4:21 PM BST
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Total posts: 81
First post: 2/6/2009 Last post: 21/11/2009 |
People don't own people. She has no real history with this guy and if her friend can find happiness with him then I see no problem. Fortunately I don't feel shit about myself so your knee-jerk means little to me. I only hope the OP can focus on the positive messages in this thread and not beat herself up too badly. |
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Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
posted at 4/7/2009 5:15 PM BST
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Total posts: 2888
First post: 30/8/2008 Last post: 15/11/2009 |
In Response to Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?: Mannering I'd agree with you if this bloke was the mates ex or something, but he is not. They both just happend to fancy the same bloke, I don't buy this 'I saw him first' argument at all. IMO the OPs biggest mistake was not telling her friend that she liked him too, but I don't think she has done anything unforgivable, just not something to be proud of. Posted by Miss Megs But its a bit more than that I think, just the we fancy the same bloke. Your mate likes this bloke, gets off with him, she now REALLY likes him (a nd tells you again ) he then ignores her, she's upset about it, beating herself up and feeling like poo - then you go away with him and get off with him !!!!!!!! Some friend! Christ, I'd be giving him short shrift for messing about with my poor mates feelings, not snogging him. I'd walk on hot coals for one of my friends and I'm sure they'd do the same for me. When I was younger, if a bloke upset one of our gang, we'd all rally round , not cop off with him. Am I the only one on here that sees this ?? God, thats made me think, if it is. Maybe we were just all a bit more 'together' as girls back then ??? I honestly, really, don't think I'm over reacting, I think this is rotten - I really do. I You and I, shall be friends until we are old and senile. |
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Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
posted at 4/7/2009 5:35 PM BST
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Total posts: 81
First post: 2/6/2009 Last post: 21/11/2009 |
My general view is that if it's meant to be then it'll still be there a few months down the line and I'd probably try and reconcile the friendship but ultimately there was never anything there and the girl is upsetting herself over very little. Yeah the guy is a bit scuddy for playing around the group but I think most of us have made a mistake like that. I had a casual snog once with a guy who my friend liked (I didn't know) and they ended up together for a few months. I was fortunate in that the kiss meant very little to me but these things happen. I certainly never felt that she did anything wrong. |
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Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
posted at 4/7/2009 5:39 PM BST
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Total posts: 15459
First post: 20/1/2005 Last post: 3/11/2009 |
I dunno, I've never knowingly shafted a mate or had one do it to me, but it was just one drunken snog. If he had proper messed her around then I'd see your point, but I don't think he did. Yes I think the mate has a right to be pissed off, and the OP handled it badly, but if two people like each other, should they really not get it together just because someone else fancies him too? |
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Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
posted at 4/7/2009 5:46 PM BST
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Total posts: 98
First post: 24/4/2008 Last post: 12/7/2009 |
I'd just like to clarify that it wasn't like he was playing around the group; he never led her on in any way and it was her who initiated that kiss. He's actually rather shy - hence why I had no idea he liked me back - and certainly not some kind of player. He shouldn't have kissed her if he didn't like her, but as miss megs said it was just a drunken bad decision. Thanks Evana and Miss Megs |
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Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
posted at 4/7/2009 5:59 PM BST
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Total posts: 440
First post: 22/1/2008 Last post: 13/8/2009 |
In Response to Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?: In Response to Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do? : But its a bit more than that I think, just the we fancy the same bloke. Your mate likes this bloke, gets off with him, she now REALLY likes him (a nd tells you again ) he then ignores her, she's upset about it, beating herself up and feeling like poo - then you go away with him and get off with him !!!!!!!! Some friend! Christ, I'd be giving him short shrift for messing about with my poor mates feelings, not snogging him. I'd walk on hot coals for one of my friends and I'm sure they'd do the same for me. When I was younger, if a bloke upset one of our gang, we'd all rally round , not cop off with him. Am I the only one on here that sees this ?? God, thats made me think, if it is. Maybe we were just all a bit more 'together' as girls back then ??? I honestly, really, don't think I'm over reacting, I think this is rotten - I really do. I Posted by Mr.Mannering*wishes she had a sheriff's badge* Calm down. It's a crappy situation but you've acknowledged this lovebee and you can see where you went wrong, from what I gather. Your friend will be feeling truly awful I'm sure but you can work things out. I would stay away from this guy until you have talked things through with her- he will understand. |
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Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
posted at 4/7/2009 6:02 PM BST
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Total posts: 745
First post: 5/12/2008 Last post: 21/11/2009 |
Hi Lovebee, So have you heard from the guy Rob at all? What's his view - it must be making him feel uncomfortable to know he's sparked this huge argument? I had a friend (we've 'broken up' now for this and other reasons) who was really rotten to me: I introduced her to this guy I'd liked for ages....everyone knew (including him) I liked him but he was not long separated when I met him so I was hanging back a bit til he was ready. I introduced them just so she'd know who the guy was that I used to go on about at work all the time...she also liked him, went for him...got him. I asked her not to but she went out with him for a few weeks. Put me right off him as well that's for sure. What she did was waaaaay worse than your situation: it sounds really tough and while yes I agree you shouldn't have kissed him- these things happen and it's not like he was her boyfriend or really that she'd stuck a flag in him. I can understand she's hurting - she would do whether she'd kissed him first or not cause that's the way it works when you like a guy and he doesn't feel the same way. However you proceed with him, treat her kindly and be mindful that whether you continue to see him or not, she will feel hurt for a while that he liked you more.
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And no, it already being dead isn't much better. You still ATE A MOTH!!  Posted by Stonker ah ta angie, just stick a fag in a potato and that's good enough for me x Posted by Nato |
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