Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
False
Forums » Relationships » Relationships » Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
Forums
»
Relationships
»
Relationships
»
Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
|
Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
posted at 1/7/2009 9:29 AM BST
|
Total posts: 61
First post: 12/5/2009 Last post: 14/7/2009 |
In Response to Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?: Well, yes - but I can see how and why it's happened, and feel the OP was put in a difficult position without really meaning to be. Posted by Lily I totally agree :)
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic
|
|
|
Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
posted at 1/7/2009 9:31 AM BST
|
Total posts: 30799
First post: 18/3/2003 Last post: 16/11/2009 |
Also, bear in mind your friend's anger comes out of feeling humiliated and rejected, too, so she might be OK when she's calmed down a little. Partic if her confidence is low as it is, this will be difficult for her to deal with initially. |
|
|
Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
posted at 1/7/2009 10:57 AM BST
|
|
*Host Team*
Total posts: 32645
First post: 28/6/2004 Last post: 3/11/2009 |
I don't think you've done anything wrong - it sounds like they had a drunken kiss that went nowhere and now you've got a chance of seeing how things go with him. If I was desperately scrabbling around for wrongdoing, I suppose I'd say you should have told your mate you liked him too - what would her reaction have been in that case? Would she have stood aside or suggested you both leave him alone, do you think? |
|
|
Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
posted at 1/7/2009 12:01 PM BST
|
Total posts: 5471
First post: 22/5/2006 Last post: 26/11/2009 |
Tough situation to be in, as you haven't really done anything wrong - you like the bloke and you like your friend, and it's possibly a case of choosing one or the other. I agree that your friend is being unreasonable to expect you to stay away from this bloke as she has no claim on him. However I do understand her upset - emotions aren't logical. Plus, Lily's bang on when she says it's also about rejection and humiliation and perhaps an irrational worry that the two of you might be talking about her behind her back. What I'd perhaps suggest thinking about doing is the following. Ask her if you can have a chat and put the ball in her court. Tell her that if she would be unhappy with you seeing this guy, then you'll stop seeing him. She'll either be completely reasonable, and say that on 2nd thoughts, she has no problem with it. Or, she'll say that she prefers you don't see him. Now, if that were me, after a couple of days of forbidding you from seeing each other, I'd start to feel pretty embarrassed. I'd worry that you as my friend would resent me. And I'd worry that the dude in question would think I was a complete harpy. Chances are, she'll see how unreasonable she's being, and come around. That's all good, but even if it does work out, I think the friendship will probably not be quite the same, at least for a while. Where normally you'd talk to your best friend about your new bloke, it will probably be a topic you both avoid. And rightly or wrongly, she will probably continue to harbour some feelings of rejection, humiliation, etc, that may impact on the friendship, and she really may not fancy being around the two of you. Again, rightly or wrongly. As I say, not a great situation to be in for you.
|
|
|
Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
posted at 1/7/2009 1:00 PM BST
|
Total posts: 1319
First post: 15/10/2007 Last post: 1/9/2009 |
What Zig said. |
|
|
Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
posted at 1/7/2009 1:22 PM BST
|
Total posts: 17185
First post: 11/11/2005 Last post: 24/9/2009 |
Not telling your friend that you also liked Rob probably wasn't the best thing to do but then again - in practice I'm not sure that telling her would have worked either. If I declared I liked a bloke and then my friend immediately said 'I like him too', I'm pretty sure I wouldn't think 'awww - how sweet, we both fancy him'. I'd more likely think 'oh, the cowbag - now we're both competing for him'! It would likely have both put them on a collision course with eachother to try and win Rob over that could potentially have been far more damaging to their friendship than the OP keeping quiet as she did. Friends do come before blokes I think, which is why it is up to both girls to have an honest chat, clear the air and agree they are not going to let Rob come between them! As an aside, this is a lesson to learnt about trying (if you can possibly help it) to have friends who don't fancy the same type of blokes as you! Most of my female friends fancy blokes that I wouldn't touch with a bargepole and vice versa so we've never had this problem! ;) |
|
|
Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
posted at 4/7/2009 1:58 PM BST
|
|
Total posts: 98
First post: 24/4/2008 Last post: 12/7/2009 |
Thank you so much everyone for your advice - you're all so generous with your time and attention, I really appreciate it. Can you still give people 'thanks' for their individual posts on here? I can't figure out how to do it. Things are still up in the air with my friend. I decided to give her the space she needed for a few days and have just sent her a long letter trying to explain myself fully and asking her to forgive me for making a bad decision in the heat of the moment. Hopefully once the shock subsides enough she'll be able to see that I love her and I've tried to protect her feelings as much as I could. Our mutual friends all seem confident that our friendship can survive this, so here's hoping. Thanks again x |
|
|
Re: Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
posted at 4/7/2009 2:38 PM BST
|
Total posts: 2920
First post: 30/8/2008 Last post: 26/11/2009 |
I think you have been most out of order. Loyalty and trust are paramount in friendship and as you get older, you realise that its these bonds with your freinds that help you to survive the most dreadful of times in your life, when you least expect them. Of all the blokes, it had to be him ???? Really ??? I don;t buy it. if she had self esteem issues before, well, I'm guessing she's bound to feel a whole lot worse now especially considering what she told you. I think it stinks, and I'd be feeling shite and if you were my mate and had done this to another freind of mine I'd be really piss#ed with you. ILife throws situations at us and it is then, in a blink, that we can determine what kind of a person we are. You should have spoken to her first but even then, I would never do what you did. You and I, shall be friends until we are old and senile. |
Forums » Relationships » Relationships » Fight with best friend over man - what's the right thing to do?
Forums
Who's online?
We have 572464 discussion board members
In total there are 202 active users online, 2 members and 200 guests
Promotions