Forums » Relationships » Relationships » A bit shaky - contacting someone from the past
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A bit shaky - contacting someone from the past
posted at 28/6/2009 7:03 PM BST
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Total posts: 30799
First post: 18/3/2003 Last post: 16/11/2009 |
A while ago I posted on here about taking the plunge and contacting a girl who'd been a good friend of mine but who started backing away from me a few years ago. I didn't ever understand why, but looking back when I started getting Better, I realised I might have been quite downbeat and selfish without realising it - it was during a very black year for me. I have just sent her a message on Facebook, apologising if this was the case and explaining I'm not the person I used to be. It's made me cry a bit as I am frightened of her response, but I still think about her a lot - she was a good person and I valued her friendship. I don't know if she will reply or not and I know I've run the risk of rejection but I think better I try and Know, than always think "What if..." Have I done the right thing? Has anyone else done something similar? |
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Re: A bit shaky - contacting someone from the past
posted at 28/6/2009 7:25 PM BST
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Total posts: 2350
First post: 6/10/2005 Last post: 21/11/2009 |
I don't know if she will reply or not and I know I've run the risk of rejection but I think better I try and Know, than always think "What if..." Are you really crying because you're scared of her response, or because it's made you realise how much you're not 'the person you used to be'? Maybe you're crying for the old you? For what you've been through? Cry for the past, but look to the you of the future. We can all tell that you're a lovely person - can you try to love yourself too? |
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Re: A bit shaky - contacting someone from the past
posted at 28/6/2009 7:34 PM BST
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Total posts: 30799
First post: 18/3/2003 Last post: 16/11/2009 |
Thanks for your lovely post. Part of the tears are because rejection frightens me and I didn't think I would be as frightened until I had pressed 'send' - I feel rather sick and scared. But yes also I hate thinking of how i was. She was going through a lot at the time - a termination and suchlike - and I really did think I'd done my best by her, but perhaps I was self-absorbed and I know I was negative. I just wanted to say sorry, and that I'm not like that any more. I know that now I am a good friend and I am lucky to have a lot of friends, so I know I've got a lot of good qualities... I just hope that she understands that. She's a good person and I think of her often. I hope you're right and perhaps she was wondering if she should make the first step - but even if she hasn't, and doesn't respond, at least I've done it. At least she knows.
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Re: A bit shaky - contacting someone from the past
posted at 28/6/2009 8:43 PM BST
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Total posts: 6639
First post: 9/11/2003 Last post: 25/9/2009 |
Exactly, Lily, at least you've made that contact and that is a brave, honourable step to take. You've also been honest and open with her and hopefully she will receive that in the spirit it's intended and get in touch with you too. Let us know. |
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Re: A bit shaky - contacting someone from the past
posted at 28/6/2009 9:47 PM BST
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Total posts: 2011
First post: 10/1/2005 Last post: 3/11/2009 |
Hi Lily, I hope your ok. I don't not think you've done the right thing, but I tend to think that good friends are friends for life and that even if you were 'downbeat' for a while that your real friends would of stuck around knowing what you were really like and that you were going through a bad patch. I know people talk about cutting out draining friends, but if you'd been friends for a long time before, surely she would know you were having a bad time. Maybe I've got the wrong end of the stick and I personally am a very loyal person who tends to stick by people till the bitter end which isn't always for the best and not everyone is like me. Anyway l'm sure she will reply, but I personally wouldn't want someone in my life that ditched me in my time of need. xxx |
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Re: A bit shaky - contacting someone from the past
posted at 28/6/2009 9:52 PM BST
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Total posts: 21918
First post: 8/2/2005 Last post: 16/11/2009 |
I think you did the right thing, life is too short to have 'what ifs'. We all have difficult periods in our lives, and we all go through phases. Not all friendships remain static, and some go through peaks and troughs. Some have dormant periods. But it doiesnt necessarily mean they are less valid. If she doesnt respond, at least you did a kind thing, and you havent lost anything. |
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Re: A bit shaky - contacting someone from the past
posted at 28/6/2009 10:05 PM BST
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Total posts: 9218
First post: 1/10/2006 Last post: 14/11/2009 |
Lily Its always a risk contacting someone after so long. I contacted someone after someone asked me to get in touch with that person. The person was not interested so I was not offended. I hope that it works out for you. But if it does not work out then you can move on and remember that person as part of your past. |
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Re: A bit shaky - contacting someone from the past
posted at 29/6/2009 2:04 PM BST
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Total posts: 30799
First post: 18/3/2003 Last post: 16/11/2009 |
Thanks all (LadyV, nice to see you on here again!)... normally I would be the first one saying she was a crap friend, kick her to the kerb, etc... but she really wasn't Like That, at all, which suggests to me that I did something to put her off me. I guess the worst thing is now if she ignores me completely. You're right PF that she will just be a person from my past, but the thought that she doesn't like me is a hard one to swallow. I think I care too much about what other people think sometimes. |
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