Bit of a quandary
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Bit of a quandary
posted at 5/7/2009 10:56 PM BST
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Total posts: 13258
First post: 5/5/2007 Last post: 1/11/2009 |
Right, not my usual haunt but need some advice. I have a girl that is a friend on my bebo page - she grew up across the road from me, is 5 years younger and really not the brightest spark. I have bumped into her a couple of times in the last ten years, usually when I'm on a night out and we only ever pass niceties. The thing is now she's mailed me telling me she has been seeing this guy who was in my year at school for the last 9 months, is really happy thinks this might be it.......... but I know he's on the same dating website as me and has been on it within the last 30 days.  I don't know if I should tell her or not. If I had the opportunity to speak to her face to face I don't think i would hesitate so much in telling her but I really don't want to do it over mail. She is a sweet girl who doesn't deserve to be messed about but am really not sure if I should interfere or not. Whether he's acting on it or not I don't know, but the fact he's still got his profile on there is a bit suss if you ask me. What would you do? 
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Re: Bit of a quandary
posted at 5/7/2009 11:39 PM BST
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Total posts: 6639
First post: 9/11/2003 Last post: 25/9/2009 |
Hi Dabs  Hmmm , this is a tricky one. Thing is if he's been on the dating website in the last 30 days, chances are he's scouting around, even if he's not acted on anything, and it seems as if he feels differently about the r'ship with this girl being 'it' than she does. Tbh, I would want to know what was going on especially if I was really falling for him so in the girl's position, I would be hurt but appreciate you coming forward and telling me. But I realise not everyone would feel this way. I reckon I would tell her face to face. Could you email suggesting meet up for coffee/lunch and talk to her about it then? Good luck. This is a difficult one. P x |
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Re: Bit of a quandary
posted at 6/7/2009 12:18 AM BST
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Total posts: 13258
First post: 5/5/2007 Last post: 1/11/2009 |
In Response to Re: Bit of a quandary: Hi Dabs Hmmm , this is a tricky one. Thing is if he's been on the dating website in the last 30 days, chances are he's scouting around, even if he's not acted on anything, and it seems as if he feels differently about the r'ship with this girl being 'it' than she does. Tbh, I would want to know what was going on especially if I was really falling for him so in the girl's position, I would be hurt but appreciate you coming forward and telling me. But I realise not everyone would feel this way. I reckon I would tell her face to face. Could you email suggesting meet up for coffee/lunch and talk to her about it then? Good luck. This is a difficult one. P x Posted by Potion This is exactly how I'm feeling tbh, as I would want to know. He's on there as looking for 'dating' too. I once had a friend who spied the guy I was going out with out one night with a female friend that I didn't know about and appreciated her telling me. Jo, I haven't said anything as such due to not knowing enough but the fact he has a profile that is still active is what is worrying me. I actually went to school with him, which is why I know who he is. Grr, think I'll sleep on it.
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Re: Bit of a quandary
posted at 6/7/2009 8:57 AM BST
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Total posts: 17185
First post: 11/11/2005 Last post: 24/9/2009 |
I personally wouldn't say anything tbh. I know where you're coming from because I would want to know but it doesn't sound as if you are good friends and she may well not listen to you at all. If she's emailed you telling you she thinks this guy is the 'One', she could well accuse you of just being jealous that she's met someone nice. If she was a good friend then I wouldn't hesitate to say something but a mere acquaintance is a bit different. Is there a possibility of meeting up with her for a coffee and then saying 'I really didn't want to say anything but I thought you ought to know that your bf is on the same dating site as me and his profile is still 'active'. I'd be wary though. |
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Re: Bit of a quandary
posted at 6/7/2009 9:05 AM BST
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Total posts: 20313
First post: 11/6/2005 Last post: 7/11/2009 |
I wouldnt' say anything.. visiting a dating site doesn't mean anything. I didn't bother to deactivate mine and still pop in when I get an email notification. In this instance I would stay nothing and keep well out of it. |
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Re: Bit of a quandary
posted at 6/7/2009 9:28 AM BST
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Total posts: 30783
First post: 18/3/2003 Last post: 6/11/2009 |
Why not say, "Oh how funny, I saw him on Datingdirect a while back, isn't it a small world!" as you're not saying when you saw him on there. Then if she wants to she can look him up herself. |
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Re: Bit of a quandary
posted at 6/7/2009 10:43 AM BST
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Total posts: 3099
First post: 21/3/2008 Last post: 20/10/2009 |
Send an anonymous link to his profile? Personally I'd wait until I next saw her and say "Oh, so & so (her partner) still has an old profile on Dating Direct online.. You might want to ask him to deactivate it as he's obviously forgotten it's still there and it has his pic on." Making it sound like you think it's completely innocent, and that he's obviously just forgotten to remove it, lets her know whilst giving him the benefit of the doubt. |
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Re: Bit of a quandary
posted at 6/7/2009 11:05 AM BST
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Total posts: 12944
First post: 29/1/2005 Last post: 10/10/2009 |
I'd just tell her and send her a link to his page. |
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Re: Bit of a quandary
posted at 6/7/2009 1:38 PM BST
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Total posts: 6830
First post: 4/2/2004 Last post: 6/11/2009 |
Deary me, how horrible. I'm all for styaing out of other people's relationships, but, to be honest, I'd like to know if a bloke I was in love with serious about was pissing me about. The state of mind I'm in these days, I'm all out for exposing shitheads. It's not much fun being let down in love afterall. And it would be awful if that poor woman did end up investing her heart n a relationship with a twat. |
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