Forums » Relationships » Relationships » How to avoid a potentially embarrassing situation
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Re: How to avoid a potentially embarrassing situation
posted at 9/7/2009 2:58 PM BST
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*Host Team*
Total posts: 32648
First post: 28/6/2004 Last post: 24/1/2010 |
Perhaps he didn't say because (as evidenced here) you wouldn't understand what was making him feel uncomfortable and he didn't want to have to keep saying 'no'. Whatever way you dress it up, it's a little 'meet the parents' and who wants to do that after a couple of dates? He wants to come to your party, I think that should be enough to keep you going! |
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Re: How to avoid a potentially embarrassing situation
posted at 9/7/2009 3:02 PM BST
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Total posts: 10618
First post: 19/11/2006 Last post: 1/3/2010 |
Lily I really don't think he feels obligated at all, I do think he may feel your anger and is tiptoeing around you again. I would send that text saying that everyone is staying and it would be a tad silly if he felt as if he was imposing!! As for going away and not saying ummmmm not sure about that but still have this nag in my brain that he is JUST as unsure of the situ as you are..................... prob way off track as per norm just my ickle opinion :) xx |
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Re: How to avoid a potentially embarrassing situation
posted at 9/7/2009 3:22 PM BST
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Total posts: 440
First post: 22/1/2008 Last post: 13/8/2009 |
Hi Lily, |
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Re: How to avoid a potentially embarrassing situation
posted at 9/7/2009 3:44 PM BST
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Total posts: 17185
First post: 11/11/2005 Last post: 24/9/2009 |
In Response to Re: How to avoid a potentially embarrassing situation: With friends like that, why do I need men? All they do is make me miserable. My friendships on the other hand make me so happy. I need to remember this next time someone asks me out for dinner. (2011!) Posted by Lily You do indeed have good friends but I have to pick up on this point. I'm afraid I think you make yourself miserable a lot of the time - you don't really need a man to to do it! You know it's true. People can pick up easily on negativity and I do think there's an element of this here. From day one with this man there's been far too much overanalysis and you've given him a hard time on occasion for nothing worse than him liking you. I have no idea what's going through his head in relation to you but I'm afraid I wouldn't mind betting that he's thought 'hard work' on more than one occasion. Sorry if that sounds harsh but I think it would be useful for you to take a step back here and try and chill out. Let him sort himself out and concentrate on enjoying your birthday party when it arrives. |
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Re: How to avoid a potentially embarrassing situation
posted at 9/7/2009 6:57 PM BST
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Total posts: 30801
First post: 18/3/2003 Last post: 30/11/2009 |
Please don't worry about sounding harsh! I know you are all probably right. I'm just so frightened of being made vulnerable and looking stupid and part of that involves saying to him that I would like to be with him and him saying, "Actually Lily it's better if we don't" because then I would just die of mortification! Plus I really like him as a person, and I don't want to put him in an awkward position at all. I want him to be looking forward to it, not dreading seeing me. I hadn't thought of the parent thing as an issue, mainly because lots of friends are staying over, and we won't be sharing a bed or anything! But you all seem to concur on that one, so I figure you're right on thattun. I suppose I'm just assuming he is going off me or has gone off me and I want to get in first all the time - I'm like this with any man really though. I'm sure he doesn't think that I'm cross; I was very careful not to make out that I cared he'd gone away or anything when we spoke. And I haven't replied to his text, and I can't now, which is probably just as well. If he calls again, then we'll see. I'm in such a bloody awful mood at the moment anyway, the slightest thing just makes it a billion times worse and yesterday it was X, today it was him, tomorrow it will be Y. Have no idea what the matter is with me.  Christ if he really did see a lot of me he'd have Totally In Real Life gone off me by now if he hasn't already!!!Perhaps he is just coming because he wants to and not out of some sort of obligation. Mind you he said he was doing his friend's house up next week and "should be done by Friday" but he could be using that as a get-out thing like Doitagain's bloke so I might not even see him at all so I can't even sort of look forward to seeing him. :banghead: |
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Re: How to avoid a potentially embarrassing situation
posted at 9/7/2009 7:18 PM BST
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Total posts: 325
First post: 17/4/2009 Last post: 2/3/2010 |
In Response to Re: How to avoid a potentially embarrassing situation: Hi Lily, I really hope I'm not speaking out of turn, but I kind of feel bad for this guy. I feel like you've put him into the horrible man box when he doesn't belong there just yet. Why are you assuming he's going to text and say he's not coming? You say could write the script...well, it sounds like you already have in your own mind. I just can't see what he's done wrong? Sorry Lily if any of that sounded harsh. Posted by scaredycat7 WSS. I'm confused as well. You offered him a place at your parents house, and because he didn't jump at the chance, you've convinved yourself he's messing you around, and now want to uninvite him. I think it would be very rude to uninvite him when he hasn't done anything 'wrong'. And what excuse would you give him, because I think he'd see right through it tbh. Please tell me if I've got the wrong end of the stick, because I really can't see what the problem/issues is here. Savvy ETA: Also agree with SC's post. Your opinion of me is irrelevant and unimportant. |
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Re: How to avoid a potentially embarrassing situation
posted at 9/7/2009 7:22 PM BST
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Total posts: 440
First post: 22/1/2008 Last post: 13/8/2009 |
This thread has reminded me of a story my sister told me. Her best friend- I'll call her M- sounds very much like you Lily, when it comes to relationships She was terrified of letting her feelings show and getting hurt, so much so that she actually came across as quite harsh and unfriendly sometimes. M was seeing a guy and they were meant to be going out one night but she couldn't find a babysitter. She texted this bloke and cancelled the date and he said 'I could come and keep you company if you like? xx' M wrote out a reply saying something like 'If you want. But I don't mind if you can't be bothered.' Luckily my sister pointed out how blunt it sounded! (The guy is lovely by the way and they're now living together) I'm sure most of us can empathize about wanting to 'get in there first' though, I know I can. |
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Re: How to avoid a potentially embarrassing situation
posted at 9/7/2009 7:52 PM BST
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Total posts: 30801
First post: 18/3/2003 Last post: 30/11/2009 |
I'm so glad I don't have enough pride to not post everything on here. You guys all help me so much to see it from a different perspective. All I can see is someone going off me and not knowing how to tell me. I think deep down I was looking forward to sleeping with him again (not sex just cuddling) and I know that I wouldn't do it in my parents' house of course so there was no point me even asking him! I was kind of hoping he'd come up on the Friday evening so I could see him but I won't ask him, I think I'll just leave him to it. That message of Sister Scaredycat sounds exactly like something I'd send. 
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Re: How to avoid a potentially embarrassing situation
posted at 9/7/2009 8:38 PM BST
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Total posts: 8433
First post: 10/11/2005 Last post: 22/7/2009 |
I'm with Dazz on this one. I can see why he'd feel awkward staying at your parents if it's early days so I wouldn't take that as a slight. I'd send the text you mentioned and see what happens. If he doesn't respond how you'd like then uninvite him.
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Re: How to avoid a potentially embarrassing situation
posted at 10/7/2009 12:08 AM BST
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Total posts: 2423
First post: 14/1/2008 Last post: 15/9/2009 |
Lily- he's travelling what sounds like a fair distance to come to your party, will no doubt bring you a present and is coughing up to stay in a B&B. He's coming to see you. What else does he need to do? He likes you OK! |
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