Advice needed
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Forums » Relationships » Relationships » Advice needed
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Re: Advice needed
posted at 11/7/2009 7:49 PM BST
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Total posts: 13
First post: 6/7/2009 Last post: 12/7/2009 |
I know, i just keep analysing things in my head (i'm constantly doing that!) and it just upsets me at times. I had a really bad time this morning with the tears but my friend came over to cut and colour my hair so that cheered me up and i went to the cinema with some friends, kept my mind distracted. His ex wife got married again so i'm sure he was a little apprehensive about going but he was going for the kids, i know deep down even though he didn't say anything he may have got to him a little that she was getting married again even though he was the one to leave the marriage. |
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Re: Advice needed
posted at 11/7/2009 7:55 PM BST
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Total posts: 9218
First post: 1/10/2006 Last post: 14/11/2009 |
Hi Confused You did the right thing in planning your day choosing what to do. He probably is upset about his ex getting married but he has to come to terms with it. Now he has to share the kids with their new stepdad and mum. Carry on with your life - and hopefully you can live it! |
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Re: Advice needed
posted at 11/7/2009 8:14 PM BST
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Total posts: 13
First post: 6/7/2009 Last post: 12/7/2009 |
Well he's had to share the kids for a while now, the ex got together with her partner only a couple of months after my ex left... fast worker! I just think my ex can't be alone for long and he wants the family unit like Louisex2008 said but also wants to live a some what single life that he missed while he was married..... I am taking each day as it comes and trying to push him to the back of mind as best i can, just doesn't help that work at the moment is rather rubbish and i'm thinking of leaving as it reminds me of my ex as i started this job when i had just met him and i was at a happy point in my life and i'm just miserabe there at the mo.... I know that just about EVERYONE has been in my position at one point or another so i know i will get through it, it's just hard and i've not had to do it before, well apart from the first time he dumped me! |
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Re: Advice needed
posted at 11/7/2009 8:28 PM BST
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Total posts: 9218
First post: 1/10/2006 Last post: 14/11/2009 |
Confused Hi! Put your ex and his problems aside for now. If he can't be alone then he should not be ready for a relationship. I think that he needs someone to cling on - just make sure that it is not you at all. His ex and their kids problems are between them two and noone else. You have to find the strength to get though this - if you can get through this you can be happy in your life without him. Take each day as it comes. |
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Re: Advice needed
posted at 11/7/2009 11:19 PM BST
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Total posts: 30799
First post: 18/3/2003 Last post: 16/11/2009 |
Well, yes, we've all been there - but that doesn't make your pain any less! All I can say is that it eases, little by litttle... and also you will start remembering the bad times, the way he hurt you and mucked you around, more than you remember the good times. It comes on very gradually, very subtly, but it does happen. It happened with me and my last ex, and I still get upset about him, but I realise now that he simply was incapable of having a relationship. His friend described him to me bluntly as 'damaged goods' and he was right. This guy sounds the same, and loving someone like that is just a bit depressing. Loving someone who can love you back - which actually isn't that difficult! - is much easier, and makes you happier, and is more rewarding. You'll always feel a pang for What Could Have Been, I'll warrant. I do; but he chose for it not to be and that is his fault, not mine; and not yours. In time, it will be with someone else, and it'll be much better. |
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Re: Advice needed
posted at 12/7/2009 9:04 AM BST
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Total posts: 13
First post: 6/7/2009 Last post: 12/7/2009 |
It's not easy remembering the bad times as to be honest there were no bad times, we never argued, only had minor disagreements and always got on so well and the only bad times were both times he ended things, that's what makes it difficult as everything was great and perhaps that was our downfall that we never argued, never knew our limits etc and when things did take a bit of flat turn he bolts. I should have seen the signs that things were wrong when we hadn't slept together for 3 weeks but we were both tired with work and with the kids. He always instigated sex so if he didn't i wouldn't bother so perhaps i should have done the instigating for a change to spice things up and get rid of the flatness..... i do truly believe that if we had of sat down and talked things through i wouldn't be here talking about this now, it's a pity that he wasn't prepared to put the work in. He was always so attentive and loving, i was shocked as how romantic he was and he wasn't afraid of showing me affection in public. I think his issue is he gets so caught up in a new relationship and wanting that family life but also missing out on the single life he didn't have during his early/mid 20's when he was married and he shouldn't have dragged me into it and clearly doesn't know what he wants in life but being 29 and having 2 kids he really should have that sorted by now and not continue to hurt other people! He has been in my dreams ever since we spilt so i guess that doesn't help! |
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Re: Advice needed
posted at 12/7/2009 11:19 AM BST
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Total posts: 9218
First post: 1/10/2006 Last post: 14/11/2009 |
Confused People who marry young often regret their lack of single life. I was talking to girls my own age a few years ago. The girls got married at about 22 or 23 and have not experienced some things like I have. Like for example living in a bedsit on their own and sleeping at friends house on the floor after parties. I was about 20 or 21 when I did that sort of thing. Once a kid comes along - you love the kid and want the best of that kid but unfortunately you are restricted to putting that kid first especially if you are young. He needs to sort out his life as it is now and accept the situation as it is. He probably envies his single friends for the freedom they have. You have to concentrate on your own life and forget his baggage - his baggage his problem. Try and enjoy today even though if you have showers in your area like I have this feeling that a shower will come along soon. Be positive in life and look back at this relationship as a learning curve. I hope that in your next relationship that you do not meet someone who drags you down to his level. I have been there and worn the Tshirt even being ill as a result of that. |
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Re: Advice needed
posted at 12/7/2009 12:08 PM BST
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Total posts: 13
First post: 6/7/2009 Last post: 12/7/2009 |
He wants this single life but doesn't really have any single friends to enjoy it with really.... he hasn't got many friends and his two best mates live abroad and are in happy relationships. The thing i just need to get into my head is that he is not worthy of me, he messed up once and has messed up a second time and he has definitely lost something good in me which i doubt he will find again especially as what he seems to be looking for really doesn't exist out there! I need to stay strong as once he realises this he will be back again and i need to be strong enough to stay NO! |
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Re: Advice needed
posted at 12/7/2009 12:23 PM BST
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Total posts: 9218
First post: 1/10/2006 Last post: 14/11/2009 |
Hi Confused His problem not yours - he needs to know how to make new friends and meet new people. If people move away from the area for their own reasons he has to be strong enough to live his own life and not to lean on anyone. You have to stay strong and focus on yourself. Try and say no to him - you have been through enough and worn the Tshirt. Time to live life. |
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