Forums » Relationships » Relationships » Advice needed
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Advice needed
posted at 6/7/2009 7:24 PM BST
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Total posts: 13
First post: 6/7/2009 Last post: 12/7/2009 |
Feeling a little down at the moment due to a recent breakup with my boyf... |
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Re: Advice needed
posted at 6/7/2009 7:31 PM BST
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Total posts: 9218
First post: 1/10/2006 Last post: 14/11/2009 |
Hi Confused His kids come first for him - I'm not surprised that they are very upset by all this. He should consider their needs as well as yours. Anyway I think that his head is in a mess and you have to be pretty sorted to be in a relationship. The best thing to do is to give him space right now. You have to be patient in this situation. |
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Re: Advice needed
posted at 6/7/2009 7:49 PM BST
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Total posts: 30799
First post: 18/3/2003 Last post: 16/11/2009 |
I'm sorry you have been so mucked around. This man sounds incredibly selfish. He's treated you badly, he's involved his poor children, he's shagged a married woman - best to steer clear of him. He may well come back once he changes his mind again - but you need to be strong. Why would you want him back? He's made it quite clear he doesn't love anyone apart from himself - and that he doesn't think much of his children by the way he's mucked them around. I don't think you should be patient at all. I think if you allow him to come back a fifth time, you're a fool. |
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Re: Advice needed
posted at 6/7/2009 8:00 PM BST
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Total posts: 13
First post: 6/7/2009 Last post: 12/7/2009 |
I know, my friends say i deserve much better and he is a fool for letting me go especially with the life that he has.... I don't think he is bad person as when we were together he did treat me so well, it's just a case of him having emotional issues which he needs to sort out. It's been hard to get on with things as we had so much planned for the summer, all his doing! I do want him back and that is stupid but i know he wil continue this and i think i have cried enough for him at this point... lets hope he stays well clear... we've been split for 3 weeks now and haven't spoken in a week |
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Re: Advice needed
posted at 6/7/2009 8:05 PM BST
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Total posts: 9218
First post: 1/10/2006 Last post: 14/11/2009 |
Confused Your friends are right - you deserve to be with someone who treats you and their offspring right. I would get on with your life and learn from experience - I'm not being harsh on you as everyone has been where you are at some point in their life. |
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Re: Advice needed
posted at 6/7/2009 8:08 PM BST
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Total posts: 30799
First post: 18/3/2003 Last post: 16/11/2009 |
Ishoos, smishoos. Let him sort them to in his own time - by himself. I'm sure he did treat you well, but he's not doing so now, and he's showing no signs of doing so in the time to come! Remember this is up to you as much as it is up to him. If he gets in touch again, just ignore him. For all his Ishoos, if he really wanted to be with you, he would be. The fact that he isn't should tell you to get out there and find someone who does. |
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Re: Advice needed
posted at 6/7/2009 8:25 PM BST
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Total posts: 939
First post: 12/8/2008 Last post: 11/11/2009 |
It sounds as if this guy is jumping from one relationship to another too quickly. He has left his wife and then been with a married woman quickly after who 'messed up his head' and then you and then 'not you' and then 'you' again. Typically, men find it more difficult than women to be alone and I think he is bouncing all over the place trying to fill that void of being alone. You, on the otherhand, sound like were in a good place to meet someone special (but not him!). I know I harp on about my experiences on here but I have had my fill of divorced men/separated guys with small children in the last few years and I found it very hard going. The guys I have met seem to be very intense very quickly and very keen to replace what they have lost ie family life. I know this works perfectly in some cases but in my personal experiences I have found these guys to be very 'up and down' with their emotions. What I am trying to say is this guy sounds very much all over the place and I dont think he is going to give you a stable loving relationship which is what you (and his children of course) deserve. I think it is a case of his past catching up with him. I really think this has less to do with you and a lot more to do with him. I would definitely not take this guy back. You gave him a second chance fair enough but why would you put yourself through all this heartache again? You are 27. You are young and baggage free and you can meet someone without all this emotional crap in their life. Sorry hun to sound harsh but I think you would be a fool to settle for this guy. Give yourself time to grieve and then move on and you will then have the chance to meet someone who can give you a lot more ie peace of mind in a loving relationship. There is better out there for you. You just need time and I am quite sure you will look back on this relationship and be glad you are out of it before long.... xx |
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Re: Advice needed
posted at 6/7/2009 9:55 PM BST
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Total posts: 12944
First post: 29/1/2005 Last post: 10/10/2009 |
If you take him back, you're a knob - he doesn't care for you , he cares for himself and the feelings he experiences are all about 'him, him, him' If he does come crawling back, I would take a GREAT deal of delight in telling him where to go and cutting him dead - 'No, you're not that great actually ... Bye' You do deserve better - he's screwed you over twice... don't let his false promises screw you over for a third time. |
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Re: Advice needed
posted at 7/7/2009 7:32 AM BST
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Total posts: 13
First post: 6/7/2009 Last post: 12/7/2009 |
That is what i want to do but hopefully he won't have the guts to come back for a third time. I do love him and the easy option would be to take him back but i know it's not the right thing to do and that it's highly unlikely that he is going to change. I don't doubt that he did love me but i agree with Louisex2008 when she says that divorced/separated men are quite full on at the beginning as my ex was like that from day one and i got caught up in the romance. He says that he will always love me but it's just not enough for him (what the hell is?!)... definitely something he shouldn't be saying when he's treating me like this and the hardest thing being that he is only man that i have ever loved and he did teach me a lot of things about relationships and it's just a shame that he wasn't able to give as much as i was giving to him and his kids |
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