I Need Some Advice...I'm Pregnant.
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I Need Some Advice...I'm Pregnant.
posted at 21/8/2009 8:31 PM BST
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Total posts: 41
First post: 28/5/2009 Last post: 11/11/2009 |
I am pregnant. I have missed a period and been having period cramps for a week or so now so took two seperate tests. Both were positive. I want to terminate the pregnancy. Please, please don't abuse me at this time as I'm already being hard enough on myself but I am in my third year at uni and haven't been with my bf very long at all. I have nothing to offer a baby and know that this is the right thing to do. I just wondered if anyone has been in a similar situation and had an abortion. Can you give me any advice? I am roughly 3/4 weeks gone and I will be seeing my doctor first thing on Monday.., Thankyou so much for taking the time to read. X |
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Re: I Need Some Advice...I'm Pregnant.
posted at 21/8/2009 9:08 PM BST
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Total posts: 7491
First post: 23/5/2005 Last post: 29/10/2009 |
I haven't had an abortion, but I can understand where you're coming from. Firstly, seeing your doctor on Monday is the right decision. It is much better to face the situation you're in, then stick your head in the sand and pretend you're not pregnant. Your doctor will first do a test to confirm that you are, in fact, pregnant. Then she [I assume you'll be seeing a female doctor] will discuss your options. The doctor won't stop you having an abortion if that is what you feel you must do, but will suggest permanent adoption or temporary fostering of your child, if you choose to continue with the pregnancy. Because there is a scheme where the mother can have her child looked after in a temporary home, while she finishes her education for instance, or is in a better situation financially to look after her child. So, you could keep your child and still complete your university education. But your doctor should explain all this. Anyhow, the choice is obviously yours and no one elses, so don't feel pressured either way.
You can never change another person: you can only change yourself |
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Re: I Need Some Advice...I'm Pregnant.
posted at 21/8/2009 11:16 PM BST
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Total posts: 3
First post: 21/8/2009 Last post: 22/8/2009 |
In Response to I Need Some Advice...I'm Pregnant.: I am pregnant. I have missed a period and been having period cramps for a week or so now so took two seperate tests. Both were positive. I want to terminate the pregnancy. Please, please don't abuse me at this time as I'm already being hard enough on myself but I am in my third year at uni and haven't been with my bf very long at all. I have nothing to offer a baby and know that this is the right thing to do. I just wondered if anyone has been in a similar situation and had an abortion. Can you give me any advice? I am roughly 3/4 weeks gone and I will be seeing my doctor first thing on Monday.., Thankyou so much for taking the time to read. X Posted by JaneyJo Hi, I usually post under a different name and wanted to reply but really didnt want to link anything to my other persona. Im 24 and have had 2 abortions. The 1st was when I was 18. I had a place at a uni, a part time job and a happy and stable family. My bf at the time was useless, into drugs, cheating and generally a bad egg. I didnt realise I was pregnant until 10 weeks to my shame, but booked and had the termination at 12 weeks. I had my second abortion at 8 weeks, when I was 19. Unfortunately it was to the same man, and I was very weak and stupid my my contraception, I became pregnant on a one night stand with him. I do not regret my decisions, even for a second. Im 25 and happily married now and will try for a baby soon. I would choose to bring a baby into this happy and stable relationship rather than keep the baby in my drug addled, abusive and unstable relationship any day. Everyday I think about what I did, but I no longer think about it in the negative. It was a part of my life that part of my life (and him) was bad to the core. My husband knows about my past and competely agrees in my decisions. Its something Ive done and have been able to forget quickly. I know its contraversial, but my advice is do what feels right and dont look back, its easy to look back now 7 years later and not feel a thing, and not to regret a moment. Good Luck. |
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Re: I Need Some Advice...I'm Pregnant.
posted at 22/8/2009 2:02 AM BST
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Total posts: 5441
First post: 26/2/2006 Last post: 14/11/2009 |
For myself, I'm anti abortion, but I truly believe that the decision has to be yours, and you have the right to decide for yourself, after having discussed it fully with someone who is impartial, but knowledgable, such as your GP. Sending you a hug. |
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Re: I Need Some Advice...I'm Pregnant.
posted at 22/8/2009 4:15 AM BST
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Total posts: 41
First post: 28/5/2009 Last post: 11/11/2009 |
Thanks for the replies so far. Much appreciated. I have definitely decided I would like to have an abortion, I can't continue with the pregnancy. I have told a very close friend and she is going to support me in any way she can, I'm so grateful. I just hope the whole process can be over as quickly as possible. As I said, I can't be more than 3 or 4 weeks pregnant so wouldn't like to leave it much longer. Does anyone know how long i can expect to wait for an NHS abortion? Assuming I see my doctor on monday? I just want to try and get back to normal as soon as possible. Smug married, were your abortions very painful and disruptive to your life? I am asking because I am at a vital point in my course where any time off would be a disaster. Was there a lot of side effects? I know I am asking lots of questions but I really am stressing about this. Also, does my doctor have to be in agreement with a second doctor before agreeing for me to have an abortion? Thanks again for all your help. XX |
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Re: I Need Some Advice...I'm Pregnant.
posted at 22/8/2009 10:17 AM BST
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Total posts: 3
First post: 21/8/2009 Last post: 22/8/2009 |
In Response to Re: I Need Some Advice...I'm Pregnant.: Thanks for the replies so far. Much appreciated. I have definitely decided I would like to have an abortion, I can't continue with the pregnancy. I have told a very close friend and she is going to support me in any way she can, I'm so grateful. I just hope the whole process can be over as quickly as possible. As I said, I can't be more than 3 or 4 weeks pregnant so wouldn't like to leave it much longer. Does anyone know how long i can expect to wait for an NHS abortion? Assuming I see my doctor on monday? I just want to try and get back to normal as soon as possible. Smug married, were your abortions very painful and disruptive to your life? I am asking because I am at a vital point in my course where any time off would be a disaster. Was there a lot of side effects? I know I am asking lots of questions but I really am stressing about this. Also, does my doctor have to be in agreement with a second doctor before agreeing for me to have an abortion? Thanks again for all your help. XX Posted by JaneyJo I had to wait 2 weeks, both were nhs. I literally went to see the doc, and I had it arranged there and then. My doctor asked another doctor to sign and it was very quick and easy, there are not too many questions asked. The 1st time, I had to go to Birmingham, to an official bpas clinic (british pregnancy advisory service) and had a scan (you dont see anything, they turn the screen away from you), a check up with a doctor, a chat with a nurse to check you are 100% sure, then had the procedure. The 2nd time it was done at a local hospital. I had a chat with a doctor, a scan, and was given a pessary to insert to soften the cervix. I then had to wait for 4 hours until I could have the procedure. Both were done under general anasthetic, and it feels very crampy afterwards and you bleed for a couple of days. Its just like a very heavy period, with period pain. Paracetamol helps. I was back to work in 2 days with the 1st and 3 days with the second. It was slightly painful but not really disruptive. Just like any small operation really. Try not to stress too much, its not as bad as you think x |
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Re: I Need Some Advice...I'm Pregnant.
posted at 22/8/2009 11:52 AM BST
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Total posts: 41
First post: 28/5/2009 Last post: 11/11/2009 |
Thanks again, you're all being so helpful and understanding. I've had a look on bpas website and at my stage, I'm fairly sure I would be offered a medical abortion. I'm hopeful this will even less disruptive and maybe I'll be able to have one day off at most. Feel free not to answer this smugmarried but did you tell the father on either occassion? X |
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Re: I Need Some Advice...I'm Pregnant.
posted at 22/8/2009 10:42 PM BST
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Total posts: 3
First post: 21/8/2009 Last post: 22/8/2009 |
In Response to Re: I Need Some Advice...I'm Pregnant.: Thanks again, you're all being so helpful and understanding. I've had a look on bpas website and at my stage, I'm fairly sure I would be offered a medical abortion. I'm hopeful this will even less disruptive and maybe I'll be able to have one day off at most. Feel free not to answer this smugmarried but did you tell the father on either occassion? X Posted by JaneyJo I did, on both occasions. In fact, the second time he came with me. If I could turn back time I would have rather have done it on my own than get him involved. But then again, I should never have got involved with him in the first place, but thats off topic  Im lucky, I had a very close friend who was more supportive and apart from the father, she was the only one who knew. I didnt, and still have never told my parents. My husband knows but thats it. Like I said in my other posts, Ive moved on and am completely able to live my life without regretting my decision. In the grand scheme of things, I made 100% the right decision for me, otherwise I would never have met my husband and I wouldnt be hoping starting a family with my perfect man, in my perfect situation. Ive done so much with my life ever since, Im a very different person, and Im sure you'll look back in time and feel the same x |
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Re: I Need Some Advice...I'm Pregnant.
posted at 23/8/2009 4:11 AM BST
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Total posts: 41
First post: 28/5/2009 Last post: 11/11/2009 |
I'm sure I'm doing the right thing by terminating the pregnancy but I'm not sure I can tell the father. I have been with him since January, not that long really but I do feel it is going somewhere. He works hard and even in such a short time, I know he would make a brilliant dad but I'm just not ready and as a couple, we're not in a position to offer a child any stability. I'm fairly sure that if I spoke with him about it, he would disapprove of my choice, maybe even try and stop me. You must think I'm just selfish. This is so hard...I'm so angry at myself for letting this happen. Thankyou so much for all the replies and I will post back on Monday after my doc's appointment and let you know how I got on. X |
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Re: I Need Some Advice...I'm Pregnant.
posted at 23/8/2009 8:58 AM BST
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Total posts: 1
First post: 23/8/2009 Last post: 23/8/2009 |
hi, im a regular bagger but got a new account so that i could leave you a message because there is something no one else has mentioned. you have already had some great advice! i had an abortion when i was 18 years old. myself and my OH tried to deal with it, we spoke to a doctor, had it confirmed and got an appointment at the NHS hospital a week later. My family however, found out during that time and all hell let loose. They took over and made me go to a private hospital whereby it was all done within a couple of days. i was quite ill afterwards (due to the anesthetic) but i was still home by the end of the day and within a couple of days i was back at school. what you do need to do is prepare yourself mentally. although i knew i had made the right decision, and still know so now, i felt like there was always this massive secret hanging over me. I also couldnt get over how stupid i had been. i got paranoid about whether i should tell people. in the end i had counselling and if offered to you, I would strongly recommend it. it really helps to be able to just talk about it. i am fine about it now and honestly dont think about it much. just random things bring it back to me. i hope it all goes well at the doctors tomorrow. |
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