Beginner's guide to sexual fantasies

Indulging in wild, filthy thoughts could add a bit of steam into your sex life. If you're new to the whole thing, check out our suggestions on how to up the sizzle factor.

  Fantasising is normal - get day dreaming!The rule about fantasies is that there are no rules. This is the one sexual arena where you can allow yourself complete freedom. Fantasising is, after all, about exploring your kinkiest thoughts, so don't hold back through fear that you're some kind of pervert. We all have filthy thoughts. Enjoy them!

You can do your fantasising anywhere, although lying down and feeling yourself while you fantasise is more satisfying than trying it at the kitchen sink. But what should you be fantasising about? Here are some tips and tricks you might want to go for...

Any man other than your partner
The bloke at the dry cleaners, your boss, your bank manager, the bus conductor... the beauty of fantasies is that anyone you fancy can walk in and out of them (and do plenty of other things too!).

Imagine that one day, you're at the dry cleaners/office/bank/bus stop late when (surprise, surprise) the bloke you're going to fantasise about comes along. You get talking. It's obvious he's interested. You make a pass at him (something you might not have the guts to do in real life). Before you know it you're spreadeagled on the counter/desk/floor of the bus with him on top of you. Or take things slower than that. The pace and details are up to you.

Men in uniform
There's something so irresistible about a man in uniform, and the good thing is that in your fantasy world, you don't need to resist! Have sex with a policeman/fireman/doctor/soldier, whichever you fancy.

Getting it on with the girls
It's common for straight women to fantasise about having sex with other women once in a while. If you've never tried it in reality and want to know what it would be like, your imagination can take you places you've never been to.

Male fantasies
Take a look at what your man may be dreaming up in his wild whimsies!

Two women, or three, or four, or more (and him, of course!)

Older/younger women and any woman they know! Men tend to be relatively uninhibited about who they have sex with in their fantasies.

Sharing a woman with another man. It's fun for a bloke to imagine his partner having sex with another man.

Watersports. Lots of men fantasise about being peed on by a woman or peeing on her. Far less messy to think about it than to actually do it.

Share those filthy thoughts
Be sensitive about sharing fantasies. Can he handle the fact that you want to think about having sex with his best friend? And can you handle the fact that he wants to think about you and your best friend together?

This sharing lark can be tricky but couples who share fantasies reach new heights of intimacy and more exciting sex - own up to fancying men in uniform, for example, and before you know it he might invest in some fancy dress gear. Result!

Worried?
Some fantasisies are disturbing. If you prefer to dream about the next door neighbour than to make love to your partner, for example, that might raise uncomfortable questions.

The general rule is that as long as your fantasies aren't dominating your life, they're fine. You can fantasise about anything once or twice without worrying that it's immoral or abnormal but if you are concerned that your fantasies are taking over you can get help from Relate.

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