The joy of celibacy

While a lifetime's commitment might be a bit much to ask, a period of celibacy can be very therapeutic

  Fry said no to nookie for 15 yearsWhat does Sir Isaac Newton, the father of modern science, have in common with Morrissey, the father of glum rock? What unites the scourge of liberalism, Ann Widdecombe, with Cosmopolitan's agony aunt Irma Kurtz, Sir Cliff Richard and Stephen Fry?

The answer is that they all are, or have been, celibate. Newton was a lifelong celibate, Morrissey managed quite a few years and Fry clocked up 15, during which he was a vocal advocate of nil nookie.

While a lifetime's commitment might be a bit much to ask, a period of celibacy can be very therapeutic. It can give you the opportunity to spend time on you and what you really want without the distractions of sexual relationships. And it is especially useful – nay advisable – if you have just come out of a serious relationship or had a run of bastards.

Choosing to give up sex for, say, six months gives you time to heal from previous hurts. It helps you get your ex out of your system without rebounding into another relationship and it does wonders for your self esteem if your most recent sexual encounters have left you feeling used.

A snogfest
Olivia broke up from a 10-year relationship, sold her half of the house and moved back to London, where she embarked on a shagfest. It was great to begin with but after a particularly awful one-nighter, she felt cheap and ashamed of how she'd been behaving, which was very much out of character.

After a six-month abstinence, during which she flirted for England but only snogged, she had regained her confidence and remembered the joys of getting to know men rather than just bedding them.

Much of the time celibacy is enforced rather than chosen – as in you'd like to get laid but don't seem to be able to – but you can always choose to see it in another light. You could decide to tell yourself that you are taking a break from sex and relationships to concentrate on you. Be positive, take control rather than being at the whim of other people's fancies. You can always change your mind.

Be positive & take control
The first six weeks may have you climbing the walls, but if you tell yourself that you are celibate rather than not getting any, the urges die down after a while. And there's nothing to stop you indulging in a bit of, ahem, manual relief. Helen, who was celibate for three years, says it gave her "a lifelong appreciation of the vibrator". In addition to sexual self-discovery, Helen describes that period as one of self-discovery in the broadest sense. Many women find that isolating themselves from the emotional white noise of physical encounters helps to find out much more about themselves.

There are other benefits to being celibate, like not having to worry about pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, the pill or any other form of contraception. There's no mess, either physical or emotional. It may sound trite, but you do develop interests in other things and not sharing your body with anyone else does help you to appreciate it and your true worth more keenly.

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