Dating rules for grown-ups

Cast your mind back a few (ahem) years, to those halcyon days in your early twenties when it seemed like you had endless time to make merry and be footloose...

You know: flings, a thumping social life, boys who you snogged now and then, a whole heap of great mates to go clubbing and partying with – the emphasis was on good, clean fun and plenty of it. No pressure to get too serious or open a joint account with your boyfriend just yet. Fast forward ten years or so and… AAARGHH! That body clock refuses to be put on snooze any longer, all your friends seem to be in the process of settling down and you really would like to have a significant other who might just last the course; someone you can park up and come home with. (Preferably, a three-bedroomed-semi-with-a-decent-garden type home, obviously.)

Let's face it; when it comes to going on dates as grown-ups, we don't want to waste our precious time on flakey commitment-phobes. But going out with someone should still be fun, right? And you're not going to fall in love with the first guy you meet. Plus, coming on like the Spanish Inquistion and bombarding the poor guy with a series of bullet-pointed questions and demands won't make for a great evening.

You still need to know if you are vaguely barking up the right tree, boyfriend-wise, so the key is to get some sort of balance. If you think your current hook-up has potential, you need to show that you're interested (in a non bunny-boiling kind of way) without playing any headgames; and also to be clear that you don't just want to be a casual booty call.

And what if you've been off the dating scene for aeons and totally out of practise?

Well, handbag to the rescue with our trusty girls' guide to the mature (ish) dating game…

Know what you want
Chances are, you've had one or two serious relationships by now and will (hopefully) have learnt from any mistakes you've made. This should give you some idea of what you're looking for - or, conversely, what you definitely DON'T want when it comes to a potential mate. It's not necessarily about drafting out a comprehensive shopping list, just make sure you're clear about what qualities and values you admire in a possible partner. That way, you'll really know it when you've found someone who matches up and can go in with your eyes wide open.

Don't let on you've Googled him…
If you're going on a date, knowing his blood group, CV and memorising his first school report card really ain't gonna win you any favours and may well have him running for the hills. So keep any evidence of cyber-snooping to yourself.

Go for lunch/coffee/cuppa soup on a first date
You don't want to feel pressurised to have the night of your life and a lingering, cinematic kiss at the end of it (but if it happens, go with it, obviously!), so take the stress out of the situation and arrange to have lunch or an extended coffee somewhere funky and laidback. That way, you can spend time chatting and finding out who this person actually is. Then, if all goes well, you can maybe do stuff that you both like; go to the cinema, gig, theatre, etc. Getting to know each other through your interests means you'll feel more at ease with one another before embarking on anything physical. Which brings us to…

Don't sleep with him on the first date…
This should be pretty obvious really, but a few tequilas later, your resolve might crumble and the next thing you know, you're waking up in a strange bed with a thumping hangover, next to someone you barely recognise… Might have been cool way back when it didn't matter so much if you never saw him again; but probably not the best plan if you'd intended to take it one step at a time. If he's keen to get horizontal immediately, talk him out of it with the classic 'if it's worth it, it's worth waiting for' line. If that puts him in a foul mood, he's not really the sort of bloke you want to take back to your Mum, is he?

Internet dating
The stigma has well and truly disappeared from meeting people on the net; and, as long as you keep your wits about you, there's no reason why you shouldn't find some truly decent fellas. A word to the wise, though; be totally honest in your profile and always upload recent photos. That pic of you five years ago when you were two stone lighter may be gorgeous, but if you do happen to meet up with a date from cyberspace he could well accuse you of luring him in under false pretences. (Stick it on your fridge instead, for inspiration.) Also, saying in your profile that you don't want children when you really, really do or pretending that you're only looking for a fling might well attract the wrong type of guy, and you'll end up wasting more time on pointless dates. The more realistic and straightforward you are, the more likely it is that you'll meet someone you'll click with (Geddit? Click?!).

Be up-front about wanting to see him again
If they're honest, most guys enjoy it when a woman takes the helm and feel flattered when she has the guts to says she's keen. If you know you're up for seeing him again, don't leave it drifting or wait for him to make the next move - be clear and open… and see what happens next!

Stuck in a dating rut? Get some great first date ideas here

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