Casual sex: A no strings guide

So you want to indulge in some guilt-free sex? Before you do, check out our thoroughly modern etiquette guide on the pleasures and pitfalls of free-style loving

  Be a (well-mannered) wanton sex vixen

Friends-with-benefits, one-night stands, booty call buddies and holiday flings. Pursuing sex-sans-commitment is no longer the taboo it was in our mothers' days. And as long as it's done safely (emotionally and physically) and with decorum, it's pretty empowering too.

Some of us are too busy for a relationship, some are getting over broken hearts and some are simply in need of a good old dose of lust. But whether it's someone you already know or a random man you've just met, to get the best out of meaningless but oh-so-hot sex, you've got to be acquainted with ground rules. So, here we are at handbag.com, ready to offer you the protocol of no-strings action...

The dos

Don't worry about coming first. The great thing about casual sex is it's selfish sex. So if you finish first and there's no time for him? Ah well.

Do set out terms early on. If you're hooking up with an ex or friend, make sure nobody wants to get back together or get serious. Emotional attachment and casual sex don't mix.

Do enjoy yourself. Total carnal pleasure is the whole point of commitment-free sex. So, as the song goes, 'put your back into it' and ditch your body hang-ups.

Do go back to yours instead of his. Big deal if your flatmate gives you evils in the morning for all that headboard banging. At least you were safe in your own home. And there's the comfort of having all your skincare and beauty products to hand. If you insist on staying at his, text a friend to tell them of your whereabouts.

Do be upfront about post-coital sleeping arrangements. Best to tell him you have an early conference rather than do a midnight bolt straight after getting horizontal. Even if he was that bad, it's still discourteous.

Do either carry condoms with you or have them close by in a bedside drawer. If you've met someone late at night pop to a condom-dispensing machine in the bar toilets or stop off at a 24-hour garage en route home.

Do dress for the part. Simple and sexy lingerie is a must. Perspex stripper pumps and pearl thongs for first-time sex are strictly for the professionals.

Do get yourself preened and primped. It's not about removing every iota of body hair (unless you really are Teenwolf); just having silky-smooth skin he can't get enough of.

Do dim the lights or light some candles. He'll still be able to see you naked, but in such beautiful lighting you'll forget about him noticing your flaws and unleash your inner sex goddess with ease.

Do show him a signature move. Give him your version of the backwards cowgirl or wheelbarrow for a night neither of you will forget.

Do tread the boards carefully when it comes to kinky stuff. So you want to tie him to the bed with your Alexander McQueen skull scarf? Better to ask first than risk him thinking his lucky night turned into a hostage situation.

Do praise him for the things he's doing right. And flash him a seductive smile when he reveals his manhood. This has nothing to do with forsaking the women's movement; it's about knowing how much effort he'll put in for such knockout compliments. You'll be smiling for days.

Do be kind if he loses momentum. For some men the pressure to perform like he's Dirk Diggler when there's a sexy naked lady like you next to him can be colossal.

Do choose your sexual playmate wisely. Players are in it for the same reason as you, so you can go after him without a guilt-trip. It's a loophole in the system; your licence to get sweaty with a bad boy you'd never date.

Do politely decline to go any further if you spot anything unsightly or worrying about his bits. Like bumps, rashes or a penis shaped like a swollen dart. He needs to see a doctor and you're too sassy to put your health at risk for a night of passion.

Do watch your words: specifically, telling him you 'love him' or blurting out another man's name as you climax. Once it's out there, it's too late. It's not as if you can say 'just kidding' afterwards.

Do run if he tells you he's just 'popping to the bathroom to get changed'. And comes out wearing a gimp suit.

The don'ts

Don't use the 'I don't do this often' line. He either thinks you do or you don't. Whichever, he doesn't have time for a discussion on Victorian values. He's wants to get inside your pants, remember.

Don't bring your baggage to the bedroom. And I'm not talking the Prada kind. If you need to open your heart, call a friend the next day. Get emotional and your one-night stand will tell his friends you are a bunny boiler. Simple as.

Don't turn post-coital chat in to the Spanish Inquistion. 'Wow, you've got really smooth skin... oh, and, by the way, how often do you sleep with someone on the first night?' He'll feel cornered and lie anyway.

Don't play the numbers game. When it comes to previous conquests, of course, you're both going to lie. He'll always multiply by three and you'll divide by the same number. It's a lose/lose situation.

Don't be painfully truthful. It's better to say you're not over someone than to say you needed to 'get laid and thanks, but never, ever call me again'.

Don't steal anything and don't leave anything behind. You're a woman of class.

Don't ply him with alcohol unless you actually want the sentence: 'this has never happened to me before' to pass his lips.

Don't get hung up on the 'I'll call you' chat in the morning. Sure, these three words instil more stomach-lurching fear than anything else, but they're synonymous with one-night stands and part of the practice.

Don't hesitate to do a runner if, when mid-thrust, you hear his dad get up for a drink of water. And you've been screaming 'give it to me daddy' for the last hour from the next room.

Don't mention his unibrow, cuddly tummy or wee-little ankles. He's there to pass the G-spot test, not auditioning for 'Make me a Supermodel'. Plus, you wouldn't want him telling you he thought you looked like Pop Idol Rik Waller's sister as a comeback, would you?

Don't expect aftercare. One-night-standers rarely offer hugs and don't be surprised if he rolls over after or legs it. It hurts. But you're older. Learn from it.

Don't forget to end the encounter with a nice quick call or text message. Especially if you think he could make it to your come-back call list...

 

 

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