The truth about life coaching

More and more of us are paying someone to guide us during key life points. But does it really benefit us? We ask a leading life coach, Nic Rixon, what the real deal is behind life coaching.

What is a lifestyle coach?
Somebody who coaches people around their lifestyle! A coach is somebody who offers an external view to allow people to improve their performance to move towards any goal they desire. A 'lifestyle' coach is a niche coach who helps people improve their lifestyle, such as healthier living, focusing on relationships, focusing on what they want to improve, etc. Coaches are there to help people be the best they can be using their own resources.

Why would people need one?
No one 'needs' a coach. You can't coach people who 'need' it; only those who 'want' it. You can't force coaching on people. If someone wants to improve themselves, a coach offers an external perspective. They are not emotionally attached to whatever the outcome is and they should offer a dispassionate, external view and use smart questions to lead the client to their own answer.

Having said that, it doesn't mean that I don't get into 'consulting' people – people do come to me for answers sometimes. If they do, I would coach them on how to apply these answers to their life (ie, I don't tell them what to do with the answer).

What kind of person would go to a lifestyle coach?
Someone who is looking to change something in their life. It is not usually people who have reached the point of despair. More and more people are finding a coach to reach the pinnacle of their lives. They are already good at something and they want to get to the next level and to get the last ounce of brilliance out of themselves!

Most people aren't born with the programme that tells them what to do (such as with relationships or with children) – we don't automatically have the answers. They go to someone for the answer. Previously people met their friends in coffee shops or bars and got their advice, which is consultative and emotionally-involved advice. Coaching is born out of getting people to find their own brilliance. It started in the sports world as it is easy to measure performance. People who are good at coaching teams are good at getting the best out of anybody. Life coaching is getting people to focus on skills they have already got and to help them to apply them to get what they want out of life.

How successful are you at delivering what your clients want?
In terms of personal success, I've never had a client fail as I only work with people who are serious about what they want to get out of their life. I don't normally get involved with people in a lot of trouble; I normally coach people who are confused and want clarity or those who want to improve their skills.

One lady I coached was a senior sales exec who worked for a blue chip organisation. She had reached the ceiling with her job and didn't have the confidence to push for promotion despite being the top performer in the company. I was already providing coaching through the company's internal system, but this lady came to me for personal coaching. She was a depressive. Within four months of our coaching sessions, she was promoted to the head of sales for the division. Within one year, she was offered directorship (only two women directors worldwide). The company was then bought out, and she was one of the few to survive and became the head of a new department for the company, earning around £100k. This was all achieved through a simple coaching method, working through my 'wheel of life' technique and teaching her effective communication methods and helping her develop self confidence and belief.

The reason why my clients achieve their goals is that I recognise skills in people quickly – I'm good at finding out what people are brilliant at, and everybody's brilliant at something.

How do you measure success and failure as a life coach?
I need to get complete clarity of what my client wants upfront. When the coaching process starts, we won't stop until my client has reached their goal (not necessarily all in one session!). For example, if a client's goal is to feel happier, we won't stop until they've got it – this can be measured. I understand how amazing people are, even though most people don't realise this about themselves. They normally exceed their goals well past their expectations with my help. I also have to be good at managing people's expectations without stealing their dream. For example, if a client's goal is to become a millionaire within a year, I would never say that they couldn't do it, but I would probe with more questions, for example, how do they plan to do it, why do they want to do it, and so on. I never judge.

What do you need to do to set up as a coach?
You've got to want to do it
You've got to want to help people
You intrinsically have to like people
You have to get your own life in order first – you can't help clients if your own life is in a mess. A client will always show up with your problem unless you solve your own problem first, especially when you start out. You can't help someone without doing it for yourself
You don't have to be the best, for example, are all tennis coaches better than their pupils?
You'll need training. I had a short period of training; 27 years!
Finally, you need a client

What made you choose coaching as a career?
If you are a good coach, coaching chooses you! Natural coaches already have people asking them for help. They then need to make the transition from informal coach to formal coach. People have asked me questions all through my life such as at school 'how did you get away with blue murder?' to 'how did you get your children to behave so impeccably?!'

With coaching, you can't tell anybody the answers. They can't use my skills in their world; they can only use their skills in their world. With coaching, you have to learn how to get clients to realise how to get what they want from life themselves, how to identify their own strength and how to apply it. When people normally ask the 'how to' question, most people advise, but I would reply with questions to enable them to find the answer themselves. People then still thank me for my advice – so I still get the credit even when it's their ideas!

A lot of people are setting themselves up as life coaches. How can people choose a good one?
It's not easy as there are so many around now. The best ways are to speak to someone who's been coached and to get their feedback on their coach, or to call a coach and ask for them to give references as to who they've worked with. I would also say 'don't buy cheap'. Just as you would expect to pay for a good meal or car, you should expect to pay for a good coach. However, the value you'll receive from your coach will be worth 10 times more than what you paid for it and you will have the ability and confidence long after your coach has spent the money you paid them.

I've also formed a company called 'Design Your Life', where we hold a one-day seminar presented by myself, designed for people wanting to get the most out of their life. Attendees also get to experience coaching after the seminar as the programme also includes two one-to-one sessions with a Design Your Life coach. All of our Design Your Life coaches are pre-approved; firstly, they must have their own life in order; secondly, I ask myself would I be coached by them; thirdly, they must already have paying clients; fourthly, their existing clients must love them to pieces! Also, I can quickly recognise a good coach as I have trained over 6,000. If coaches can do all that, they can become Design Your Life coaches where we then give them advanced skills. We also measure client feedback. A Design Your Life coach must achieve at least 98% and exceed clients' expectations in a number of specific categories.

Nic Rixon is holding a free introduction to the Design Your Life programmes in London on Saturday 1st July. For further details, click on www.designyourlife.com.

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