Pulling Power

Did you think that the ability to flirt was a natural talent? Read this review of Peta Heskell's Pulling Power Attraction Weekend, and think again!

One Saturday morning in July, 28 strangers gather in a central London hotel. Most are in their thirties and forties. There are a few twenty-somethings. The youngest is a painfully shy 19-year-old. Some are attractive and alert, checking out the group, others hunch their shoulders. All of us are about to begin Peta Heskell's Pulling Power Attraction course.

All red lipstick, blonde hair and genuine smiles, Flirt Coach Peta introduces herself and her eight assistants. Straight-talking, ebullient and full of funny stories, she's instantly likeable. Pulling Power isn't about chat-up lines, she says, but about liking ourselves - 'being at your best', as she puts it. She believes flirting is 'being who you really are… and wanting to connect with others'. The best flirts flirt with everyone because they know how it can help them be successful in every area of life. She should know. For those of us who've read her self-development books, none of this comes as a surprise.

Confidence - reveals Peta - is top of the list of what we want from this weekend (she'd asked us when we signed up). 'Confidence to speak to the guy I fancy,' one woman had said. Another singleton wants to stop fearing that every woman thinks that all he has on his mind is sex: his insecurity is preventing him from dating. We each have our private reason for being here. 'What happens to you over the next two days will be different for each of you,' says Peta.

Saturday
The group's ice-breaker task is to shake as many people's hands as possible while theatrically exclaiming: 'Hello you gorgeous god/goddess!' It's embarrassing, ridiculous, difficult for some and successfully stirs up the energy in the room. It gets me thinking about the double whammy of offering a compliment: how good it feels to make someone feel good.

We move on to a bit of laughter therapy in which we 'do' different laughs, including hanging our arms above our heads and making a monkey-like noise. Gawd, I feel an idiot. What's the point of forcing it? It seems the effect is the same – endorphins are released whether or not you're actually amused.

The fun really begins when half-man, half-grin Joe Lantelli enters the room. A fitness instructor-turned-salsa dancer, he is a straight-talking muscly bundle of irresistible energy. With his partner Sinead, he gets us hot and happy doing a cheeky dance routine featuring 'doggie-style' grinding and howling like a wolf, which has us laughing into lunchtime. All the touching and dancing together has broken down our barriers. The group feels less like a set of strangers and much more a collection of likeable individuals. Friendships, rapports and flirtations have started forming; we're beginning to experience pulling power.

The best flirts flirt with everyone because they know how it can help them be successful in every area of life 

Sunday
More dirty dancing with Joe. At one point we find ourselves doing the conga out onto the sunny roof terrace, where we're almost eye level with a London sightseeing tour bus. We wave at the tourists who stare back, bemused. By now we're falling about laughing. It's amazing how our physical state directly affects our state of mind. This is far more fun than sitting motionless and silent, like you might on public transport. Together the music and movement lift our spirits.

At lunch we form natural groups; mine enjoys a mini-picnic in Hyde Park, where we chat freely about life, the course, the merits of Coke versus 7-Up and pursuit of happiness. I like these people. And if I didn't already love a gorgeous man, the Aussie dentist could pull my teeth any time…

After lunch we're asked to think of a word, person or phrase that sums us up when we're feeling most ourselves. While explaining her choice of Audrey Hepburn one woman breaks down; her mind has taken her back to her happy childhood. People's stories are fascinating.

We draw an image that for us symbolises us at our best. Soft-spoken Edward chooses an elephant because, he says, they're powerful, graceful, loyal creatures who care for their family. Later, gathered in small groups, we describe a time when we felt our best. One of the group recalls a special holiday memory. Another talks freely about a time he felt a sense of achievement. Each exercise is a way of reproducing the state we inhabit when we're shining on full beam.

Come the afternoon, an effervescent buzz has replaced the tense silence of the morning before; there's lots of chatting, smiling, hugging, laughing. The 19-year-old stands up and sings to his group. Yesterday he could barely look anyone in the eye.

We gather around Peta as she gives another funny pep talk and, before we know it, the weekend's over. But there's no rush to leave. Most of us, including Peta and her team, gather in the bar for a drink and more banter. We've all 'pulled'! Perhaps not in the usual sense (though there's a fair bit of email-address-swapping going on), but because we're making one another feel good. We're happy.

The verdict
Abigail, 21, a self-employed chef trainer says: 'I'd expected to learn how to improve my flirting skills like Peta describes in her books. Had I wanted a course on how to be my best, I'd have given her top marks. It was a nice weekend, though.'

Isabelle, a 32-year-old veterinary nurse, also from London, felt it was worth her time and money. 'The course helped me to accept myself more and to appreciate what I have. It reinforced the idea that I have to do the things that make me happy and not worry what others may think.'

Not a conventional singles course, the Pulling Power Weekend can help you attract your ideal man by helping you become the ideal catch: someone who's really happy in their skin. It's impossible to spend time with Peta and not learn something that makes you a happier, more attractive human being.

Peta's top five flirting tips

'I am gorgeous! Peel me a grape'
1. Do what it takes to build your self-esteem – do a course, read self-help books, swim with sharks... Confidence is the foundation of great flirting. Think of yourself as a goddess, then imagine how you'd stand, sit and walk if you really were one and try it out. Others will like you as much as you like yourself.

'Here's looking at you, sexy'
2. Eye contact is THE mechanism of connection; we communicate powerful stuff through it. Without it, there is no flirting. The longer you linger, the stronger the signal you send.

Smile
3. Smiling says 'I'm friendly, likeable and safe'. The brain searches for these messages every time you look at someone. We all like happy people.

Be interested
4. Ask questions that will put him into a good mood. If asking 'what do you do?' isn't met with an enthusiastic response, then ask what his ideal job would be if he could do anything or what his fantasy car would be like. Being interested = being interesting.

Move closer
5. Connecting physically can be a powerful come-on. Test it out by reaching out or moving towards him, but not actually touching him. If he reacts well - doesn't pull back or narrow his eyes - move in a little closer.

The next Pulling Power Attraction Weekend is on Saturday and Sunday 3-4 December at the Ramada Jarvis Hotel in Bayswater, London W2. The course costs from £277. To book, call 02476 541164 or click on www.attractionacademy.com.

From relationship advice to knock-your-socks-off sex tips, our relationship channel has it all covered

Need some date-spiration? Check out our top first date ideas here

Turn things up a notch in the bedroom with our 101 sex tips: the ultimate guide