If you’re thinking of heading to a therapist or counsellor to talk over problems and issues you face, but are secretly scared about what they may find out, or you’re wondering how it all works, fear not. Handbag.com tackles some frequently asked questions about therapy sessions. While we get the experts to explain how and why therapy works so you get the most from the experience.
What happens during a therapy session - how does it work? If you think you’re in for a therapy session a-la Mad Men’s Betty Draper, think again. The days of lying on a couch puffing away on a cigarette and endless therapy sessions are not the ‘norm’ these days. “Typically a session will begin with an invitation to tell your therapist what’s happening with you and your life at the moment. Therapists won’t encourage ‘right’ ‘wrong’ ‘good’ or ‘bad’ but help you to think about what’s right for you,” explains Lin Griffiths, Relate counsellor, relate.org.uk Sometimes we do things in life that are not good for our health or well-being, and it’s not always easy to observe ourselves and what’s going-on. “A good therapist will help you identify where a greater understanding or perhaps a change of thought really could benefit you and your lifestyle. This could be changing some of the things we say or do, in order to get the reactions and responses we really want or need from others,” explains Griffiths.
Your therapy sessions will depend on the type of therapy practice; there are some which are very ‘past’ focused, where you’ll be asked about your childhood experiences, your family etc. These work on the basis that once you’ve understood root causes of your problems, your new insight and perspective will allow you to move on. “Others are much more ‘futuristic’ orientated, where therapists ask how they can help make things different. Examples of these are The Lightning Process (LP), Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), hypnotherapy and life coaching. These types and their approach to problems mean they tend to resolve issues in a much shorter time frame (between one and five sessions). They’re insightful, and help create deep changes within individuals whilst avoiding ‘having’ to get in touch with painful emotions and trauma.” Says Phil Parker, NLP expert and therapist. They also help a person feel like they’re taking charge of the situation and creating a change for the better.
Longer Vs Shorter: So, why might you choose a short term therapy over a longer term therapy? Aside from the time and money factor that longer style therapies may take i.e. several months or years even, there are other things to consider. “Longer-style therapies use ‘older’ understandings of change processes within a person’s brain or personality, and would only work for people who believe that change (in itself), will take a long time. I honestly see little value in taking a longer time to sort out any issues or problems than is absolutely necessary,” says Parker. Shorter-style therapies aim to seek a change and understanding in the shortest time. That’s not to say they’re cutting corners, it’s just that they work with the person to help themselves and gain insight in to their behaviour.
What if I feel self conscious talking about myself? For many of us, it’s rare to have a whole hour or so to ourselves, let alone spend that time talking purely about ourselves. This can be daunting, and may cause you to feel a little nervous or self conscious. However, a therapist will help to put you at ease. “It’s okay for you to feel like this, this is time for you, and no one else. A good therapist will explain this at the start of the session, they will also let you know if they feel you should stop and pause the talking, as this helps you re-focus on finding a solution and a fresh perspective. As it’s likely you’ll have done all the talking (until that point), you may need to pause at this point in-time,” explains Parker.
How will I know if it’s working for me? You should find yourself being able to see a way forward or perhaps understand something that’s confused you until now, which should ease some of the stress. “People often start to feel more in control of their lives, meaning a positive move forward. Other signs can include healthier sleeping patterns, improving your diet and an overall sense of feeling lighter,” says Griffiths.
Emotionally dependant? Many people find an increase in confidence and a new awareness of themselves, which in turn, enables them to cope and manage their lives and relationships in a healthy, and sometimes more respectful manner. There are times however, when people can become emotionally dependant on their counsellor; believing that they’re only able to progress when they are with their counsellor, (during treatments and sessions). “Clients can be very vulnerable and often in distressed states when they begin their counselling sessions. As they start to feel better and less stressed, it would be quite natural for the client to ‘believe’ that the counsellor is absolutely necessary and vital for them to continue feeling better and seeing the results. However, as you progress in your treatments, counsellors and therapists will work with their clients, so that they become emotionally self-dependant,” says Denise Knowles, relationship and psychosexual therapist from Relate.
Becoming dependant on your therapist isn’t very productive to your health, and it can be a hurdle to your growth and change, but good therapists will be alert for this during your time together, so get the most from your sessions and enjoy the rewards they bring.
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