You might not think you need to be reminded just how great mums are; maybe you already think you know what it is that's special about the woman who's seen you grow from newborn via stroppy teen, through to (hopefully) sorted adult. But chances are you take your mother pretty much for granted most of the time – she's just there, doing her thing without so much as by-your-leave. Which is exactly why you should read on…
Mother love
The very fact that they can be taken for granted – called on when we need them and ignored (or, worse still, moaned at) for much of the rest of the time – is one of a mother's many charms. No other relationship is as easy to dismiss when the going's good or as constantly supporting when the emotional terrain starts to get a little tough.
For much as we like to think we can go it alone, there's something unshakeably special about knowing someone's always waiting in the wings. Someone always ready to support. Someone who, despite what the rest of the world might seem to be telling us at times, genuinely believes that it merely takes her offspring to bend over for the rest of the world to light up. It doesn't matter that we have a sneaking suspicion that it isn't true – what matters is that there's someone out there for whom it absolutely is.
A friend indeed
Personally I've always been a little suspicious of women who claim that their mothers are their best friends. Much as they love you, you just don't get the same pure, blind maternal faith in your abilities and motivations from your mates; they know only too well what your faults are and it's part of their job description to help you to gently see them too.
However, if you play your cards right, the relationship you develop with your mother in adulthood can outrival all the rest. As you mature your relationship settles; you reach a common ground in which you lose your pre-assigned roles and truly start to appreciate one another as bone fide human beings.
Two months ago, a family crisis meant that my mother and I spent more time together than we had in well over a decade. We swapped jokes, pored over photos, and shared family history and personal stories, often talking long into the wine-and-caffeine-fuelled night. It can be quite startling to have your mother revealed to you as someone who shares similar ambitions, hopes and insecurities to you, but when it happens it's a revelation to cherish. She's not your best friend – at least not in the Carrie Bradshaw way. She's your mother; you've always loved her, but to like her too – that's when you know your mother/daughter relationship has really arrived.
Nothing compares to her
Sure, there are times when mothers do the classic mum things – for all your newfound common ground they still know how to make you feel as if you're five years old again. And it's true that at times there's no other female relationship that can be more antagonistic or bittersweet. But no other relationship will find you so unequivocally loved, trusted and supported – something we need to remind ourselves of before it is, inevitably, taken away.
My mum and I once talked about when her mother had died. Nothing, she confided in me, prepares you for what it feels like to become an orphan (her father having already passed away half a dozen years before). No matter that my mother was in her fifties then, with a family of her own. To lose her mother was to lose the anchor that, however far away she might have seemed to drift away, had always kept her rooted and on track.
And that's what mothers do – they provide us with the safety net that lets us look over the rocky precipice and step on to the tricky tightrope of life. It's a job done well when we, as children, feel so secure that we're barely aware the net is there. Which is why, every now and then, it pays to be reminded of why mums are truly great.
