Rows are as much a part of the festive season as tinsel and turkey. In some households it is almost traditional for family members to fall out – and we're not talking the Sopranos here.
“My mother in law always picks a fight with someone,” says Anne-Marie. “It is the same every year: she gets pissed in the morning, argumentative in the afternoon and maudlin in the evening.” In-laws aren't the only cause of strife. The stresses and strains of Christmas take their toll on everyone and can turn relationships of all sorts into battle zones. Friendships are no more immune to festive flare-ups than otherwise happy couples.
The pressure to be happy and to have a good time is never greater than at Christmas and New Year. The preparations are expensive, time-consuming and frequently stressful. A lot of people try so hard to make everything just so and build their expectations up to such a degree that the result inevitably is a disappointment.
“The first year my boyfriend and I had Christmas together I wanted it to be really special and romantic,” says Julia. “I did everything. I decorated the flat beautifully, stocked up on all our favourite things, cooked him breakfast in bed, made the full Christmas dinner, the works. I wanted it to be perfect. Of course, it wasn't and I was wound up like a top so he made one comment and that was it, we ended up in a huge row and slept in separate beds.”
Many couples argue during the festive season, it kind of goes with the territory of long term relationships. Kelly fell out with her best friend literally over Christmas lunch. “Tanya and her boyfriend, who are vegetarian, and some other friends were coming over. I spent hours preparing a turkey and loads of different vegetables and stuffings and nibbles and things. She rang me a couple of hours before everyone was due to arrive to ask what she and Simon were going to have because they didn't want just the vegetables from the roast. My boyfriend rushed out to the shops and got these nut burgers, which I served with all the other trimmings. She went ballistic at the dinner table, stormed out and we didn't speak for a fortnight,” she says.
Meaningful friendships don't usually break up over one row and nor do serious relationships – everyone quoted in this article kissed and made up.
If you've fallen out with loved ones or your partner during the holidays and haven't yet made up, ask yourself how much the season of goodwill is to blame. If your relationship at other times of the year is strong and happy, be willing to make the first move – even if you don't think you are in the wrong. Good relationships are precious and worth working at. You can't choose your family or your in-laws and you have to find a way to co-exist with them peacefully for your own sake. Strike whatever compromises prove necessary for your peace of mind.
A large number of relationships break up over Christmas and New Year. The pressure of the season turns cracks into chasms between some couples by highlighting the weaknesses in their relationships. For some it is a trial that they come through stronger and more committed to each other, for others it is the final straw. If you are in that position, ask yourself how much the festive season is to blame and how solid your relationship was otherwise. Christmas has a lot to answer for, but sometimes it can be the push that people need to move on.
