Are you in your mid to late twenties? If so:
Are you feeling insecure and wondering where you will be in five years time?
Do you feel alone, anxious and confused?
Terrified that you are stuck in a rut?
Starting to wonder what's the point of it all?
Is everyone else apparently more sorted than you are?
Are you stressed out by lack of money and difficult relationships?
If the answer to any of these questions is 'yes', you could be experiencing a quarter-life crisis. This relatively new phenomenon occurs some years after leaving teenage angst behind and almost two decades before the onset of the better-known trauma known as the 'mid-life crisis'. It's when you suddenly realise that your career is nothing like what you always dreamed of doing. You're constantly worried about money and how to make your way through life. You long to be successful – but can't think how to get a toehold on the ladder, let alone arrive at the top.
Recognise the symptoms? Well it may be some comfort to know that almost everyone in this age group can relate to these same feelings. Research shows that many young people feel like failures because they haven't achieved any of the life goals that they dreamed about 10 years ago. You thought you'd have a lifelong partner, money in the bank, a senior career position and a wonderful car and home. But the reality of your life is probably quite different. It's particularly hard because your family and friends are watching your progress and expecting you to achieve great things. And many women have the added burden of wondering how to combine a career with child rearing.
Why is it happening?
After the comfortable stability of life while at college or university, where your goals were clear-cut and it was easy to make friends, being thrust out into the real world is no mean feat.
Suddenly everything becomes uncertain and chaotic. There are a bewildering number of choices and no definitive way of deciding on the right one, let alone achieving that goal once it's been identified. The endless decisions can make you feel confused and utterly lost. There are also rising expectations: you must be seen to have the perfect job, the perfect relationship and so on.
Even if you never went to university, you may have grabbed at your first job without thinking it through and may already be feeling trapped. If you're still waiting for that dream opportunity to come along, you may be getting into more debt and fast losing hope.
Overcoming the crisis
To escape from the quarter-life crisis, it's important to put things in perspective. The first thing is to recognise that change is inevitable. There are many points in our lives where we undergo anxiety, helplessness, fear, inadequacy and confusion. Remember the day you left primary school? Or when you had to think about what to do after 'A' levels? What about leaving home for the first time? The twenties is yet another time of transition; it's a phase you have to live through, with all the accompanying pain and anxiety. Sooner or later you will find your feet again and wonder what all the fuss was about.
The Chinese character for crisis is made up of two parts. The first means danger and the second means opportunity. This illustrates the true meaning of the word – that it presents a positive as well as a negative side. Unfortunately, many of us see only the danger in the crisis and miss a valuable opportunity to change and grow.
The only thing to do is to accept the situation as it is and to think it through rationally. Where do you want to go? How are you going to get there? Who can help you? What is the next step? Thinking of the key symptoms of the quarter-life crisis as positive starting points may help us to see it as simply a 'growing into ourselves'. To fulfil our ambitions, we have to be prepared to give the process the time it needs.
Remembering that life is an ongoing process of learning will help you to avoid the sense that you have failed to make it yet. The truth is that there is no 'quick fix': there are only tools and wisdom which have to be learned and mastered throughout a lifetime.
