Man of mystery
We're shacked up quite nicely with him indoors, so why do we sometimes feel the irresistible urge to play away from home? (Mentally, that is, you understand.) Well, there are various reasons we like to slaver, literally, over the office totty. One is that we never see the object of our affections clipping his toenails and we certainly don't have to wash his dirty undies. The simple fact that the crush is not our partner makes him a man of mystery and therefore more desirable. It's quite normal to develop a crush at work, especially since it feels like you spend more time with your colleagues than with your family, and everyone at work is on their best behaviour. Which is exactly why there are no arguments about whose turn it is to load the dishwasher or put the bins out.
Diet Coke break
Instead we can sit at our desks, watching the man of our fantasies sexily sup his morning latte, while we laugh at his terrific jokes (because of course they are terrific, as our normal internal barometer of what is actually funny is switched off because our hornometer * is switched on instead). We stand around with our colleagues at work, bonding and giggling like schoolgirls. Lunch breaks are spent at the pub going over the respective crushes, who's hot and who's not! And really, this is all part of the whole package. It simply adds to the excitement and fun, because it's exhilarating and it makes us feel young and frivolous again.
Addicted to lust
The funny thing about crushes is they're quite indiscriminate. It doesn't matter that you're the European Director of Acquisitions. If the crush-bug strikes, you're dead meat just like the rest of us. In the dictionary lust is described as 'involving a craving for sex'. No shit, Sherlock. But how does that explain the disappointment when he's not in work? The chronic RSI from pressing 'send and receive' on your email, not to mention the supreme highs when you get a message from him (if it's gone that far) and the almost bleak depression when you don't. Jim Pfaus, a psychologist at Concordia University in Montreal, says the chemicals released from lust are similar to the state induced by taking opiates. A heady mix of chemical changes occurs, including increases in the levels of serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin and endogenous opioids (the body's natural equivalent of heroin). Oh yes, ladies, this is strong stuff.
A crushing realisation
When the tone of the crush changes from giggly and fun to exhilarating and even sometimes obsessive, it's time for a re-think. Some researchers suggest this mental state might share neurochemical characteristics with manic depression. Anthropologist Helen Fisher's work at Rutgers University, however, suggests that these behavioural patterns resemble obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). Either way, the crush can no longer be termed just a crush, and decisions need to be made on whether things go further (an entirely different feature). For most women a few changes at home, like focusing energies into relationships and getting out of a rut might make all the difference. Arranging dates away from the domestic drivel and forbidding any discussion of tired topics like kids or mortgage might keep the romance alive. And you can still eye up 23-year-old Chris in accounts with a clear conscience. For the few who just won't (or can't) halt the crush spiralling out of control, you can take solace in the fact that at least you can get a decent price on quality hotels these days…
*Hornometer – An internal mechanism switching off any normal rationality whatsoever.
