Geoff's Top Ten Tips for getting closer to friends, family and colleagues
1. Read body language effectively
Not sure if your flirting is working? To find out if someone fancies you look at their behaviour when they laugh. Women who fancy a man tend to have more open arm and leg positions during laughter than those who are not interested. Men who fancy a woman tend to show more head tilts and forward leaning.
2. Establish instant rapport
Sometimes we only have a moment or two with a person we want to impress; be it a senior colleague, or a new acquaintance. The quickest way to establish a rapport is to mirror the timing of their movement. As they pick up the menu, reach for your glass, as they stroke their hair, touch your face. But also focus on the natural rhythm of the conversation and allow your body movements to match the stress points in the speech.
3. Pay a great compliment
When was the last time you said something really complimentary to your mother? Very often we return to our grumpy childish selves with our parents – but you can reinvigorate this relationship by paying a genuine compliment. Avoid the word ‘nice' (it's overused). Say things like ‘I couldn't help noticing your hair, it look fantastic'. It will mean a lot to her, and hopefully bring you closer!
4. Cheer up a work colleague
We all have rotten days at work, but there's nothing like a colleague recognising this and being friendly to make us feel closer to them. So return the sentiment. The most effective thing that you can say to them is one that will challenge their basic assumptions about their role or ability. For example, ‘Don't worry that so-and-so snapped at you, they do it to everyone, it's no reflection on you.'
5. Forgive your partner
Say your partner has done something to you that you find hard to forgive, but you still want to make a go of it. What should you do? Get a blank sheet of paper and write about what happened, but focus on the positive aspects. Believe it or not, there will be some – like learning more about yourself and your relationship. In turn this will allow you to forgive.
6. Get someone to like you (without them noticing)
Want to impress in an interview? Use a hint of perfume so subtle that the interviewer is not consciously aware of the smell. If they can consciously smell the perfume it doesn't work. So dab a very small amount on your wrist, get a friend to smell it and ask ‘Have I forgotten to put on my perfume?' If they say yes, then you are wearing just the right amount to have the most impact.
7. Make yourself more attactive to the opposite sex
Women can make themselves more attractive to men by wearing the colour red, but this doesn't mean dashing out to buy a new scarlet dress. It's brief exposure to the colour red below the level of consciousness that seems to influence judgements of attractiveness. So wear red in small splashes – a red watch strap, red shoes, a red scarf – the more subtle the better.
8. Make someone judge you less harshly
If you need to make a confession to someone – however large or small – make sure you do it in a clean room. Sounds irrelevant? Well, research shows that people who hear a confession after washing their hands or in a room that has just been tidied do not react as harshly. It turns out that moral judgements do not depend solely on conscious decision-making, but are affected by physical conditions. Time to get out the vacuum!
9. Avoid contempt
In order to have a happy and successful long-term relationship or marriage you must avoid displaying criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling and contempt. You must avoid the latter at all costs – contempt has been shown to be especially destructive and is an effective predictor of whether a relationship will last.
10. Make you and your partner feel better
To feel closer to your partner make time in the evening to ask them how their day went. Couples who talk about positive experiences that they had that day report feeling happier. Best of all it makes the person doing the telling feel as good as the person hearing the good news!
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