Taoist sex tips

Practising Taoist Tantra can help you become a more effective lover, as you learn the art of pleasing both your partner and yourself. In Tantric sex, while the act itself is important, it\'s the moments leading up to it which make it far more pleasurable. Learning the secrets of touch makes for longer and more pleasurable sexual encounters, and prolongs peak moments into ecstasy.

Prepare your space

Set things out to please all the senses. Use fragrances like rose, musk and ylang ylang to stimulate the senses. Candlelight and soft music yes, phones no. Dress in loose light clothing, preferably soft fabrics of red, pink and purple. Sarongs don\'t get in the way, they let you reach all the love-points, and come off easily. Choose aphrodisiac titbits to tantalise your tastebuds: chocolate, strawberries and bananas, mangos, peaches, plums and cherries and feed them to each other. And to drink? Try Mead, a mildly alcoholic bevvy made from honey. Make your boudoir beautiful, enticing, a place for pleasure. If using a bed, let it be firm: flaccididity is no help inside or out.

Prepare your partner

Start with a look, a gaze into each other\'s eyes. Prepare your lover by first lightly tapping or patting up and down the body to wake up the nerves. You need go very gently on softer areas such as the belly and face, but leave out breasts and genitals. Ask your lover how it feels. And when you have tapped and rubbed, it\'s time to tease: use long langorous strokes the length of the whole body, brushing close by your lover\'s genitals, using your hands to hint at what\'s ahead.

Prepare yourself

Allow your lover to watch and copy as you massage yourself in a very specific way, holding each other\'s gaze the whole time. Sit facing each other, not touching and cross-legged before you begin the Nine Flowers Massage. Begin self-massage by placing the tips of your fingers on your nipples and gently moving the skin over the flesh in a spiralling movement, for nine long, slow breaths. Move your hands down to your ribs and do the spiralling massage for 18 breaths. Move your fingers down to the edge of your ribs and spiral-massage for 27 breaths. Move from there to midway between ribs and navel, and massage for 36 breaths. Bring both hands together just below the navel, and gently circulate the skin over the flesh for 45 breaths. Then midway between navel and pubic bone and massage for 54. And then just above the pubic bone for 63. Massage the genitals for 72. Finally, then perineum, between anus and genitals, for 81. Rest and lie side by side, still not touching.

Prepare each other

Sit behind your partner, your breasts and belly touching his back, the insides of your legs against the outsides of his. Repeat the whole of the Nine Flowers massage, but this time with you doing the spiral massage on his points, slowly and gently moving your finger-tips in a circular caress, moving the skin over the flesh, gently, softly, rubbing, for the same number of breaths as when you massaged yourself. Rest for a while and change positions so he is behind you. Guide him to move and massage with sensitivity down your front in the same way. Rest a while, lying down with your sides touching.

Building arousal

Sitting back-to-back, feeling your buttocks touching, you each place one hand on your heart and the other on your genitals and begin gently swaying back and forth, very slowly, not too far, and timing it with your breath. Once you are into a nice easy rhythm you each begin massaging your breasts and your genitals. As arousal builds you may find swaying becomes rocking and rocking becomes thrusting. The art here is to keep your rhythm in harmony. Whichever of you feels yourself starting to get carried away slows down until the other catches up. You can slow down by taking long deep breaths, and changing from to-and-fro rocking to a circular movement, rotating your waists in time together. When approaching the peak, slow down before your point of no return - this takes practice, so until you have had the practice, slow down sooner rather than later. Or just let the explosion happen and start again from the beginning next time. Then lie and rest together a while.

Intensifying arousal

Sit facing each other, cross-legged if comfortable otherwise in chairs, with your knees touching. Begin with one hand on your heart, the other on your genitals, and sway back and forth, looking into each other\'s eyes. Lean back on the in-breath, forward on the out. Time your breath, so you breathe in as he breathes out. In this way, you sway forward as he sways back and vice versa. Once you are moving in harmony, begin to massage your breasts and genitals. As arousal intensifies, swaying becomes rocking and rocking becomes thrusting. Each shift your gaze from the eyes to the genitals, watching each other\'s hands in the sex-massage. Shift your other hand from your breasts to your partner\'s shoulder. Approaching the peak, slow down, keep in harmony together, so you feel the arousal come and go in waves. Slow the thrusting into rocking and the rocking into swaying. Come into stillness and move on to your partner\'s lap.

The Tantric connection

Move on to your partner\'s lap. It does not matter at this stage whether or not he is erect. As you move together through the Tantric connection penetration happens. Put his right hand on your back, between your shoulder-blades, and his left hand support your bum His middle finger can connect in the groove above your anus. Your left hand goes between his shoulder-blades, your right on his sacrum (the large, triangular bone at the base of the spine). It will make for a wonderful energy-connection if the centre of your palms are touching the spine between the shoulder blades. In this position (yab-yum, or maithuna, in the Tantric classics) his pubic bone is well placed for your clitoris, and the energy-centres or chakras are aligned: navel, solar plexus and heart. Gaze into each other\'s left eye, and seal your lips on his. Breathe each other\'s breath as you sway back and forth, and when you can do that OK, connect your tongues. In this way you are connected at every level, body, mind and soul. Let the swaying turn to rocking and the rocking to thrusting.

Climax

As climax approaches, both close your eyes and move your hands from between the shoulders to the base of the skull. If you want to slow down the process, slow thrusting to swaying, disconnect your mouths and breathe the outside air in slow deep breaths. After a short rest, staying in position with your bodies connected, you can resume as often as you like, and when ready continue to orgasm. As the lightning-bolt contractions begin shuddering into the very core of your being, clench your teeth and bring the sensation in all its intensity right up to the top of your head, to a point between your skull and scalp, and hold your breath, and hold the orgasm in your crown. Let go your mind and be still.

Withdrawal

Stay in maithuna until you are both back in the mundane dimension, when your heartbeat and breath-rate gets back to normal. Gaze into each other\'s right eye. Stroking each other\'s face, neck and shoulders, begin a slow, tender disconnection. Lower your hands to his sides - his will follow yours - and stay there for a few moments before gently lifting yourself off his lap and resume sitting facing each other.

Farewell

In the Taoist philosophy all human sex is sacred in the union of Yang, the force of Heaven, with Yin, the power of Earth. As you have just honoured the union of Yin and Yang, now with grace and care you honour the separation and return to the mundane. As you sit facing each other, have your knees touching as when you began. Place your right hand palm up on his left knee for him to cover with his left hand, palm down. He does the same. Feel the connection between you. Allow it to fade. Gently let go the physical connection and draw a little way apart. Sit in your own space for a while, eyes closed. When ready, open your eyes and thank each other for what you have shared. Until you join again.

Don\'t miss...

Sex secrets of the French revealed

See our beginner\'s guide to sexual fantasies

Attracting Mr Right in seven simple steps