It's not just teenagers who experience unrequited love. Being besotted with someone who doesn't feel the same way can really hurt. You may really believe you've found 'the one' and but if 'the one' reveals that he doesn't feel the same way, it can be devastating.
'I'm a divorcee, single mum and I really never thought I'd meet anyone else, let alone fall in love,' says Sue from north London. 'But then this bloke moved in a few doors down from me. We got chatting, had a coffee and I liked him. After that he popped round a lot and one day we ended up kissing. Soon he was staying the night. My daughter liked him and he liked her. There was a sense that it was all "meant to be" somehow. I was meant to marry the wrong bloke, have a child, move here and meet Dan, the love of my life. I felt soppy with happiness. Then one night Dan told me he wanted some "space" and he "wasn't sure". My world crumbled. I've never felt so hurt. Not even when I was going through my divorce. This was worse - partly because I wasn't expecting to fall in love in the first place. I just couldn't understand why he would turn his back on such a good thing. But he did.'
It seems unrequited love can hit grown women worst of all. But however old you are, the shock and pain of unrequited love can be almost unbearable. Counsellors say that in some ways unrequited love is even more painful than bereavement which, painful though it is, doesn't involve the high degree of rejection. So what do you do with all that pain? How do you deal with accepting that you can't have the bloke who you were so certain was yours?
Grieve your loss
First of all, allow yourself to grieve. You've lost something. Sob. Let rip. Tell all your mates. Take all the comfort you can get. This just isn't fair. Life's a bummer and you should let yourself wallow in that notion for a while. Venting your sorrow can prevent you falling into a depression. This is not some sordid secret that you need to be ashamed of. There is nothing wrong with you. Things just didn't work out and you're sad about that.
If you're finding it almost impossible to pick yourself up, go to your GP and get help. You may be offered counselling, which can really help get you through a time like this. Don't refuse counselling if you think you need it - there's nothing brave about turning down help in a crisis. Look after yourself emotionally after the crash and you will recover: ignore the problem and you're less likely to.
Look to the future
As soon as you feel up to it, start thinking about the future. If you don't have things to look forward to, you'll probably end up looking back more than you should, which can result in negative bitterness. Okay, so it isn't going to be the way you expected it to be - but what will be in store for you? Lots of time with good friends... Some fun dating when you're up to it... And what about a holiday? Plan one. Also, spoil yourself a bit. Now more than ever you deserve flowers and takeaways and maybe a new top or two. So indulge yourself and spend a bit on the things that make you feel good. Rejection often makes you feel like you're worthless and these little treats won't take the pain away, but they will make you feel that you ARE worth it, so there!
You will add your recent hurt to the emotional backpack we all carry around with us and eventually you'll get so used to the new weight that you'll barely be aware of it. Oh, you'll bring it out now and then - tell new friends what happened and reflect on it at times by yourself. It isn't an experience you're going to forget. But as time goes on it will become less important and you may even begin to understand what happened. At the time of rejection, we often aren't able to see anything good, but, in hindsight, we sometimes realise that all the garden was not rosy. Eventually, you may even end up thinking that you were jumping the gun a bit to think he was the love of your life... Perhaps he wasn't made of the stuff you thought he was made of and by him rejecting you, he's saved you a lot of heartache. The point is that if you can only rise above this heart-wrenching rejection, you'll find that there is, after all, life after unrequited love. And, with a bit of luck, fate will have something more long-lasting in store for you next time round.
