In the '80s, a true hero would have looked like Richard Gere in An Officer And A Gentleman; in the '90s, Colin Firth would have been your man in 'Pride and Prejudice'. And now? Do we still yearn for a hero to rescue us? In the wake of feminism, so-called equality and the lack of dragons, handbag asks where did all the heroes go? Who is the modern day hero? And is there even a place for him in our hearts anymore?

Reality or fantasy
"He'd save the day!"
"He'd stand up for what he believes in."
"He's unconditionally loyal."
"He's someone who would put others before himself."

Such were the answers we got when we asked handbaggers what they thought a hero is. And did these definitions bear any relation to their partners, we asked next. No, came the emphatic replies. Why not, we bayed. Because heroes are the stuff of films and books, aren't they. But wouldn't we like them to be real life figures? Isn't there any hope left for the full-scale 'I'm going to save you from everything' kind of guy? Perhaps…

What's a Modern Girl to Do?
In the dating guide The Rules Sherrie Schneider and Ellen Fein say those heroes are still out there and they advise women to put up, shut up and don pretty frocks and aprons if they want to get one. The trouble is, lots of mega-successful women have used an excellent education to buy their own independence. Ironically, after becoming feminist heroes, many of them now bemoan the fact that they have been unable to get partners to sweep them off their feet and give them children. The result? Most of us mere mortals end up settling for a man who's less than a hero.

But Hannah Betts in her bestseller The Jane Austen Guide to Dating also claims that every girl can find their hero. Betts believes that, over time, a woman can change from a naive Lydia Bennett to a discerning Elizabeth Bennett, and that your tastes can change too. Betts says that had she decided to marry any of the men she dated ten years ago, she would have made a very wrong choice. Hannah met her own hero - husband to be Greg Stroud - 18 months ago. Greg is a modern man who likes opening doors and picking up the bill. Sounds reasonable, although such chivalrous qualities won't wash with everyone.

Don't Carry Me, Support Me
The thing is that for many women, a hero is no longer someone domineering. He's someone who's super-sensitive to our needs. Rather than clubbing you over the head and carrying you off (or paying bills and opening doors), the true hero would sit you down and ask you where you would like to go. Better still, he would already know. The problem is, women are generally so much more intuitive than men – and this kind of guy is, of course, rare.

The new fantasy
Rare or not, Mills and Boon, top romance novel publishers, have taken this new slant on the hero onboard. They still sell around 20 million novels a year in the UK alone. They offer a myriad of heroes, but these days they usually end up in a partnership of equals. Most of us prefer to be on an equal footing with our partners. That doesn't mean that hordes of us won't still read and re-read Pride and Prejudice once a year. Long before Colin Firth jumped into that lake, Mr Darcy - noble and able to learn from his mistakes - embodied the essence of heroism for so many of us. The fact that he was gorgeous, saved the heroine's family and was rich helped. So we might know in our hearts that hunky heroes like Mr Darcy are hard to find, but that doesn't stop us enjoying their presence in books and films. And as for in real life? We believe there's still a faint hope in many a handbag girl's throbbing heart, no matter how much she might protest!

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