This time of year can be hard on the single girl who wants to find a longer-lasting relationship. Barbara Bloomfield went on 27 dates as research for her new book, The Relate Guide To Finding Love, and then met her husband through a friend. She sums up what she learned in the process.
My first date was a man who compiled telephone directories for a living and had brought along a carrier bag full of directories so we could look through the Bs to Ds together. My 10th date was a man who wanted to show me pictures of all his mansions in Los Angeles and the space vehicles he kept there for intergalactic travel. My 19th date was a man whose hobby was "shooting" and I didn't stick around to find out what.
My 12th date was a sweetie with a ponytail and we sort of shyly got on. He didn't phone me afterwards and I didn't phone him because I was too shy. I wonder if he was, too?
Having eaten and drunk all these brunches, lunches and coffees with 27 strangers, I can tell you I'd never want to repeat that experience. I was so glad to be introduced to my husband by a close friend, and sink into the pleasing softness of the marriage bed.
It's no good dating wildly, like I did, if you are looking to find a new love and soon. You need to find some backbone and make a logical campaign and to set yourself weekly goals and targets. I know lots of us believe that fate and destiny will send Mr Right homing in on us, but is it worth taking a chance that it won't happen? So let us offer you a fun and thought-provoking dating campaign for the next six weeks. I'd love to hear from any handbag.com readers with success stories.
Week one
First task is to ask yourself what kind of relationship are you looking for? Fun? Serious? Live together? Marriage? Be honest with yourself. Then, with that thought of what you want to attract into your life, ask your trusted friends and relatives to help you with introductions, babysitting and encouragement. They can introduce you to new people whom they like but you don't yet know. Even if those men aren't right for you, men have male friends.
Club together with three or four single friends of either sex and organise a fun evening to which you invite any single person you've ever met. Think of the three Ls: local, lighthearted and low-key and you can't go wrong. Or put some research into joining an introduction agency or trying your hand at internet dating.
Week two
What's holding you back? Have past experiences dented your confidence? Do you have a worry about your appearance or personality? Speak to a good life coach or counselor this week and start to get back some confidence.
Do one daring (but safe) thing every day - smile at that nice guy on the bus. Speak to that charmer in the newsagent. Practise showing interest in others by asking questions. Look back over your old address books and contact people you've lost touch with. Everyone likes hearing from an old friend, but keep it low-key - they may be married.
Week three
Think about existing groups you belong to. Could you be making more of these social networks you have at work, sporting clubs, friends, hobbies etc? Do something pro-active this week such as answering an advert in a newspaper or magazine (but make sure it's one you read yourself and 'approve' of.) Review your progress. By now, you should be making contact with several single men.
Week four
Take every opportunity to make a date. Don't think, "this could be ‘the one' - but think - "this is my chance to practice my flirting skills." Good daters are interested, smiley, thoughtful, charming and friendly.
Discover what outfits you feel good in. Ask a trusted friend which colours and outfits suit you best.
Talk back to that sneaky negative voice that can take over your thoughts saying, "You'll never find anyone." Ask your friends to actively encourage you with compliments and motivating talk.
Week five
Ring up the new contacts you've made and invite them and your single girlfriends for a group drink. Ask each person to bring a new friend. Never talk about why your last relationship failed. Stay positive and upbeat. Keep up your excellent, pro-active attitude. You're doing really well!
Week six
Have you met someone nice yet? If so, great news and let me know how you got on and what worked for you. Drop a comment below, or if not, contact me at www.inspireparents.com/finding-love and I will send you some more top ideas for finding love.
Barbara Bloomfield is a writer of several books on romance and social history and a Relate counsellor with 15 years' experience of counselling individuals, couples and families. The Relate Guide To Finding Love, published by Vermilion, is available now.
Stay tuned for our love and relationships webchat with Barbara in January.
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