Dating is dead! Or at least that's what Manhattanites Andrea Lavinthal and Jessica Rozler proclaim. Their brainchild, The Hookup Handbook, is the latest 'how to' offering from the US to be published in the UK this summer.
"We first wrote an article about it in college," Lavinthal explains, "because everyone was using the term "hooking up", but no one really knew exactly what it meant. When we came to the city, we noticed that in our 20-something age group, everyone was doing it, and thought we just had to write about it!"
Hooking up has taken over in the US as the broad term for anything casual. It translates roughly as a version of British 'pulling' but, like the American dating system, seems a lot more defined. 'It's much more than just a verb,' Lavinthal explains. Indeed: one can hook up with someone (verb), date one's hookup (noun) and, conversely, be someone's hookup (noun). Confused?
"When you hook up it can mean anything from "making out" to sex, but usually it means something in the middle," says Lavinthal. "The only constant is that it's between two people with no formal commitment, who aren't dating, and have no foreseeable future together."
"To me it's kissing and some removal of clothing, or at least some very heavy petting. Hooking up means fooling around," explains Dorothy Robinson, dating editor at the New York Metro and fellow single. "It can be done with anyone: your boyfriend, guy on the street, girl in the bar, distant cousin (kidding), you name it. The nice thing about the hookup is that nothing is expected from the other person — no obligatory call, no asking out again, just awkward looks when you see them again."
"It's much more selfish," says Evana Stanonik, another New York single. "It's like fast-food dating, almost. You get exactly what you want right away, and it's not always the highest quality, but it's exactly what you asked for!"
So where has it come from? Singles across the globe seem to follow this pattern. 'I think that our culture in general has got so casual, and one of the reasons is technology: mobile phones, computers, texting - it's so easy to communicate without actually communicating. That's reflected in our relationships,' Lavinthal comments. Another aspect is too much choice. After all, when living in a world where one can order 100 different types of coffee, six different types of bread, and buy 1,000 magazines, it must be difficult to settle for just any boy.
With all the liberation involved, however, hooking up is not without pitfalls.
"The worst is that moment during (or after) the event, when you realise you're not that into the person, or it isn't as much fun as you'd thought, and there's no easy way out," says Daniel Williams, a single Londoner. "I think it's something you sort of get your fill of. Dating, on the other hand, is great because, assuming there is depth to the person, the challenge of holding intelligent conversations with them, getting to know them, and keeping them interested is far greater and ultimately more rewarding than the challenge of getting them into bed (which only takes booze)."
"I'll put money on every single girl involved in a hookup, that she has a slight hope he might call," Stanonik adds. "If I hook up with a stranger, for a week I'm definitely imagining what the future might hold! Also, girls like the physical, but typically because of the message it sends to them: "I'm desired, I'm respected, I'm loved", etc."
The British are traditionally more haphazard about relationships, and so defined 'dating' has never really caught on. But will this no-holds-barred system of sexual encounters prove any more popular? Chances are we'll muddle through just as we have done before, borrowing ideas from other systems here and there. But for all those single women out there, in the meantime at least, Andrea Lavinthal has a final word of advice: "When you spend hours analysing the state of the hookup with your friends, dissecting everything he's ever said or done, and even creating a PowerPoint presentation that will attempt to answer the question, "What is he thinking?" …just know that the answer is always NOTHING."
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