By Matthew Hussey
There is a great myth in the dating world that has been sold to women as solid dating advice for years. The "great myth" can be summed up in eight words:
"Men want a woman who is hard to get."
Let me start by saying this belief is a fallacy. It's complete BS. And I'm going to tell you why.
In fact, this belief leads to more unhappiness and unfulfilled relationships than I could possibly list in an entire book.
Now I don't claim to understand the female mind. No male could. But what I do know better than anyone else is the male brain. I've taught guys in seminars every weekend for the last four years, through which I have learnt every single issue that men have with women.
And let me tell you something - ‘hard to get' is not working. It's not how to get men. Not in the long run.
Why so many women play games
Let's look at some classic examples of ‘hard to get' behaviour. Below are a couple of recommendations that followers of the ‘hard to get' club (and they are a club) would usually advise:
"If he approaches you and your friends at a bar, don't give him any attention."
"Don't answer texts from him the next day."
"Be elusive when he tries to make plans with you."
"Tell him you're busy when you're not."
Have any of the following described your attitude?
I can see why this intuitively sounds like a good idea. "Make myself the prize. Yee-ha!, that'll make him try to win me. He'll put massive value on someone he has to work really hard for."
But it's this simple piece of psychology that leads women to manipulate, hide how they feel, shut themselves out from letting men discover who they really are with all that effort to keep up a faux, "I'm a tough nut to crack" image.
The game-playing spiral
So you play games. You might tell him you're busy when you're not. Or stop answering his phone calls. Or even cancel plans at the last minute without so much as an apology. Simple psychology, right? The harder you are to get, the more he wants what he can't have.
Well, that's what will happen initially. But take that simple psychology a step further and what you'll find is this - once you finally give him the thing he wants it won't seem so good any more!
This is known as ‘cat-string theory'. If you dangle a string above a cat, the cat will keep clawing at it in a desperate desire to possess the string. Of course, when you finally give up the elusive object, the cat doesn't want it any more.
Some women realise this and come to even worse conclusions by thinking, "Oh! So I have to just have to keep playing games forever to keep him wanting me."
And so she plays games, withdraws into herself, and never really quite gives herself fully to any relationship for fear of ‘losing her power'.
This isn't any route to lasting happiness in a relationship. In fact, there are only two types of men you will end up with when you play this hard to get game.
1. An insecure mess who spends all his time trying to figure out where he stands.
Or...
2. You create a man who plays your own games back at you.
Meanwhile, most good men will have done one of the following:
1. Given up (after assuming you must not be interested).
2. Grown bored and moved on to someone more fun.
3. Deemed you ‘rude' and decided you're not worth their time.
Not hard to get, but high value
What hard to get also does is makes having you (or sex with you) the prize. And once the guy gets that reward, he's won the games you've been playing with him.
It's at this point that a lot of guys move on, realising they were only in it for the chase.
So there must be a better way. Be easy to get? No, of course not. Let's be clear; I'm not advising you to turn into Miss Needy all of a sudden.
No, what men really want is a woman who is high value.
A woman of high value devotes her efforts to being genuinely exciting and having an amazing lifestyle. This in the long run is what makes a guy believe a woman is truly special and worth holding on to.
Like all things worth having, being high value doesn't happen overnight. Because unlike hard to get, it's not a trick. It takes daily effort and commitment to really working at ingraining this into your personality.
What do high-value women do?
They bring fun/energy to the table - Instead of being needy and seeking validation, high value women are always sought after because of their amazing warmth and energy.
They have a clear purpose - High value women don't rely on other people to carry them through life. They're not looking for a man to fix a hole in their personality.
They put value on their time - High value women don't drop everything (friends, career, hobbies) just because a man walks into her life. If a guy she likes texts her when she has a lot on her plate, she just says so and arranges for another time. No game playing or tactics.
High value women aren't afraid of affection - High value women aren't afraid of who they are or what they feel. They might not be about to spill all their emotions out in one burst, but neither are they afraid to communicate that they like a guy.
So high value is both attitude and lifestyle. It's living your values, and focusing on being genuinely valuable instead of faking it.
This way you'll make a man see the prize not as just getting you, but actually getting closer in a relationship with you, and the opportunity to grow with this amazing woman, instead of just chasing sex.
High value, unlike hard to get, allows you to be genuine. Hard to get relies on telling women to conceal who really are, or tells them to convey a certain disinterested image to hide their intentions. And let me tell you, any principle telling you to hide who you are is never coming from a position of strength.
Do you agree with Matthew's advice that 'hard to get' doesn't work? Tell us what you think below.
For more information on Matthew Hussey or to purchase the Get The Guy DVD visit gettheguy.co.uk. Stay tuned for our webchat with Matthew in January.
