It's often assumed that men are the more unfaithful sex, biologically programmed to spread their seed far and wide in a superhuman effort to propagate the species. But what about infidelity rates among the fairer sex? In fact, one in four of the women questioned in a magazine survey a few years back revealed that they had had an affair, with one in five admitting they wouldn't think twice about doing so in the future if they could get away with it without being found out.
All of this is all very interesting, but most of us don't need a survey to tell us that our cheating doesn't lag all that far behind the boys – who hasn't been on a girls' night out that's resulted in a least one shock confession to a past or present infidelity or been the making of a new one? Far more interesting to find out why we have them at all.
Let's talk about sex
There's still a general understanding that women have sex to 'feel an emotional connection' and there's no doubt that there's an entire brace of women out there who do indeed have affairs to fill in for or replace something they don't feel they're getting at home. But as sexual psychologist Dr Petra Boynton has pointed out, 'Very often when you talk to [women] their affairs are actually sexually motivated – "I'm not getting enough here, I'm going to go elsewhere for it."'
A woman in such a situation can have an affair for months or even years without anyone finding out about it, and it probably has a negligible impact on her primary relationship. As women we tend to be very practical creatures and if fulfilling our sexual needs elsewhere means a stable home life for our partners and our children, anecdotal evidence would suggest that just such an affair seems to be a satisfactory – if not necessarily ideal – way to maintain that.
Blame it on the biology
There is another school of thought, however, about a woman's urge for a very particular kind of infidelity – the one-night stand. Forget blaming it on the boogie – this is one indiscretion that you might want to blame on your biology instead. Evolutionary psychologists believe that sometimes a woman's urge to stray matches her urge to procreate. Research has shown that women are more likely to have a one-off sexual fling when they're ovulating – an unconscious homage, apparently, to our biologically driven selves.
According to the theory, we want the healthiest, most alpha male specimen to impregnate us so that we will, accordingly, give birth to a healthy, alpha child. However the best sperm donor doesn't always make the best father – hence our desire to have a good man to go home to, even if we have to pass off another man's child as his to raise. There's even an argument that having sex with more than one man puts the sperm into competition with one another – survival of the fittest indeed.
Scarlet the harlot
Time was a two-timing woman would, quite literally, have to wear her infidelity on her chest (think Demi Moore in The Scarlet Letter). There were no second chances for adulterous women – they were fallen, spoilt goods and all-round bad seeds. They had no income and no independent means of support. Staying faithful – or at the very least not getting caught – was a matter of survival.
These days, things are much more relaxed. We live in a time where happy ever after may still be the relationship ideal, but the relationship reality is serial monogamy. And while we might not like it, most of us acknowledge that a fair percentage of those consecutive monogamies are going to suffer from a little overlap.
The perils of the modern world
Perhaps most annoying of all is the infuriatingly popular theory (most often quoted by men, misogynists and the Daily Mail) that our terrible modern ways have been crucial in leading women off their previously virtuous path - as if having a job and earning her own cash was the first step on the slippery slope to moral downfall.
However, there is something to be said for opportunity. With UK professionals averaging a working week of 52.5 hours of office-based slog, many of us spend more waking time with colleagues than we do with friends, lovers and families. It doesn't take Einstein to see the appeal: it may be a cliché, but it's true – relationships are hard work. If you don't have the time to commit properly and consistently to the one you're in, the grass can very quickly become greener on the other side of the office partition.
Whether we're actually having more affairs or – more likely I tend to think – that more us are admitting to them than before, it's worth bearing one thing in mind before you embark on a hedonistic adulterous thrill. Whether it's a fling, a one-night stand or a decade-long, passionate affair between two kindred souls, all affairs should come with a Government health warning: Has The Potential To Damage Lives.
