If you are in an interracial relationship in the UK you are in good company; they are more common in the UK than anywhere else. In a 2001 census, there were 219,000 mixed-race marriages, excluding the many thousands of non-married mixed-race couples. Unfortunately, I found these statistics in an article about Anthony Walker, the young black man killed by racists in Liverpool in July 2005. Racial intolerance, and intolerance of mixed-race relationships, are hardly in the past.

For the purpose of this article, I use 'mixed race' to denote relationships between people of different ethnic backgrounds and the children born of these relationships.

Dealing with opposition
Danny, who is white, met his wife, a British Indian, at work. She was expected to enter an arranged marriage and Danny faced some opposition from her father. Danny never made an issue of it and, now they have a young daughter, things are much better. Patience prevailed in this case, but it does still rankle.

Most mixed-race relationships in the UK involve black men and white women. A 1997 study found that half of black men and one-third of black women are in relationships with a white partner. Liz, married to a black British man, protested they would be 'boring' subjects. They met at university 15 years ago and 'have never faced any opposition from family or friends'. Now with a young son, she doesn't see what the fuss is about.

Journalist Yasmin Alibhai-Brown explored some less encouraging attitudes in her 2001 book, 'Mixed Feelings'. Here, a white woman with a black partner has been called 'nigger-lover' by a white man, and has been accused by a black man of 'destroy[ing] us faster than slavery did.'

Racism is - needless to say, a hugely complex issue. Eighty-four per cent of people in a Channel 4 survey said they were not racist, but further questioning contradicted that view. Many parents may consider themselves to be non-racist until they face an interracial marriage in the family. Fortunately, time is often all that is needed to change attitudes within family and friends.

Embracing a different culture
Danny cites introducing his wife to a new culture - and discovering one himself, as one of the benefits of a mixed-race relationship. Sometimes, however, the divide can seem enormous. My brother-in-law Michael met his wife Hyewon while teaching in Korea. While he took to the country like a duck to water, he found the traditional Korean subservience difficult. My husband listened in disbelief as his brother complained about being waited on hand and foot!

More seriously, Hyewon's father found it difficult to adjust to Michael as the Koreans are very proud of their bloodline. When they married, the event was such a rarity that it was covered by a local TV station. Fortunately, Michael is now called 'son' by his father-in-law.

Religion can be an even thornier issue. Korin is white and married to a Muslim. Our sons both attend Cub Scouts in what is a predominantly white area. Korin takes a very hands-on role in the group, and has given the boys a talk about Islam. This approach means better education for the boys and a proactive approach to the relationship.

However, such families remain very much in the minority. Only 20% of Indian men live with a white woman and 10% of Indian women live with a white man. The figures for Pakistani and Bangladeshi people are negligible. Interracial relationships between black and Asian people are rarer still; many communities still find this totally unacceptable.

Mixed-race children
It was in the 2001 census that the category 'mixed race,' as opposed to 'other,' was first used. It revealed that the number of mixed-race Britons had grown by more than 75% to over 415,000. Sadly, another statistic has grown too. Four out of 10 mixed-race children are now in care.

Yasmin Alibhai-Brown was born in Uganda to one white and one Indian parent. She married a white man and has two children. Having such a broad experience of different cultures, she says she has always brought her children up to feel 'special' in the best possible sense.

Alicia Campbell's grandfather was black and her grandmother was white. Her father is white too. Alicia married a black man, but says she was 'never black enough for him or his mother.' Alicia also has three children, and a very positive attitude. 'When I was younger I knew black guys who had white girlfriends whose parents were really against it – when I was growing up it was the whole "we don't mind but the kids will have such a hard time" thing, which I don't think is such a problem now. I've not heard that for years – brown babies are quite trendy these days.'

Making it work
'There are quite a lot of people from my generation and older,' says Alicia, 'who are rediscovering their heritage, and wouldn't have a mixed-race relationship because of identity issues.'

This issue of identity for mixed-race children - and that of the British nation as a whole, could dictate the course of mixed-race relationships in the future. For Yasmin Alibhai-Brown, however, it was a matter of asserting her own identity. 'Rightly or wrongly, quite a lot of us believe that in order to fulfil our lives it just won't be possible if we marry an Asian man who, however egalitarian before marriage, very often becomes extremely sexist afterwards.'

But, for every Yasmin, there is a Korin; for every black or white person who struggles with mixed-race relationships, there is a Liz. Everybody I have spoken to has found a way to make their mixed-race relationship work - for them and their children. Making your own interracial relationship work depends on you. If it's worth it, love should find a way. No one said any relationship is easy.