The Ten ComMANdments

By Justine Dure

Want the kind of relationship that doesn\'t involve your fella getting ‘bin-bagged\' every month or ever-escalating frown lines for you? The truth is that in the ever-complicated world of the man-woman relationship, there are a few very simple unwritten rules which need to be followed, and handbag\'s handy print-out-and-keep guide for you to show your men should show them the way...

Simply insist he take the oath of the handbag Ten ComMandments and guarantee yourself a nag-free existence.

Do you have any rules for your man? Tell us below.

Thou shalt not look at other women...

If we\'re with a man, then we expect (and deserve) his full attention. While we understand that you cannot change a man, this should be one of the first habits he drops when you start seeing him. Be it a double-take or sly corner-of-the-eye glance, ogling that other woman\'s derrière is a definite no-no now.

Having said that, ladies, don\'t be surprised if this is something your man does, as according to Relationships Expert Tracey Cox, it is pretty common - looking is normal, but looking a lot is a problem! \"It\'s one thing glancing at an attractive woman, quite another if he\'s eyeing them up long and lustily in from of you!\" Tracey explains. \"If he does this, tell him its not acceptable and ask him to stop, because its disrespectful to you.\" There is also no doubt that men will look. The smart ones know they can look as long as they don\'t touch, and they reassure their wife with a touch or a compliment.

Have you caught your man sneaking a peek?

Thou shalt practise bathroom etiquette...

We like to think of our bathroom as a haven of retreat. Our place of solace, where we can go to rebalance, regroup, pamper and preen. Our men should respect this sacred place and this means:

No using our favourite (not to mention expensive) moisturiser, shampoo, etc - tell him he\'s probably using it completely wrong and/or using way too much anyway. \"Buy your own!\"

No leaving the toilet seat up. It\'s a simple request but one so many men struggle to uphold. And besides, it makes our toilet look ugly.

No leaving of wet towels on the floor. The towel rack is there for a reason, and we\'ve no wish to ruin our recent pedicure by stepping in his soggy, surplus soak-ups!

If these little things are ‘no big deal‘, then it shouldn\'t be difficult for your man to stop. As Tracey says, \"It\'s often the little things we break up over, so you\'re wise trying to fix them early on. Most of the time the habits that drive us mad in our partner are the ones they\'re not aware of, so you need to point out tactfully but firmly what is annoying you and why. Don\'t complain, specify exactly what you want them to do and you\'ll have more chance of it being done.\"

Do you agree it\'s \'the little things\' we break up over?

Thou shalt remember important dates

And we don\'t mean the FA Cup final or his mother\'s birthday!

Tell him to ask any woman - it does hurt our feelings when he forgets anniversaries, Valentine\'s Day, our birthday, etc. His failure to remember such dates are a sure way to make us think he doesn\'t care, whereas remembering gives him the perfect chance to show us just how much he does. \"Men are notorious for forgetting and then saying ‘It\'s only another day.\' You need to impress on him that while it might mean nothing to him, it means a lot to you,\" says Tracey. \"By forgetting them, he\'s basically saying that you\'re not worth him making the effort to remember them.\"

So, men, it\'s fairly simple. Put it on your calendar in big red letters and, a few days before, make sure you put a reminder in your day planner or your Blackberry to guarantee you\'ve allowed time to plan the spoils! We will appreciate it.

Is it the worst sin if he forgets your birthday or Valentine\'s Day?

Thou shalt not spend longer getting ready than me...

Part of the illusion of being a woman is that magical moment when we step from our boudoir polished to perfection from top-to-toe, wearing that special dress with killer heels and flaunting our new \'do. Should he still be in the bath, having a shave or trimming his toenails, he\'ll kill said magic. Tracey remembers one of her male friends: ‘\"He takes an hour to get ready and nearly all of his girlfriends have ended up waiting for him - he almost always gets dumped and I swear to God this is part of his problem!\"

Remember men, it\'s the woman\'s prerogative to keep the man waiting. It starts on our first date, continues on the wedding day and then sets the tone for the entire relationship! Sure, we want you to take pride in your appearance, but anything over our beauty-boosting regime and you\'re entering Narcissus territory. Of course, it might take you 10 minutes to get ready, but start getting ready five minutes before you\'re due to leave and you\'ll leave us waiting, and that only incurs our wrath. Plan your time accordingly, gentlemen. You\'ll both have a happier evening through doing so. \"And for God\'s sake say something!\" Tracey adds, \"If you just look us up and down and don\'t comment, we\'ll think you don\'t think we look good!\"

Does your man take longer than you to get ready?

Thou shalt not question our...

Shoe habit
Asking in exasperation, \"Do you really need another pair?\" while staring south of our ankles is not the way to get out of this alive. Tell him to respect a woman\'s right to shoes.

Haircut
Yes, it might have looked better on Posh, but that doesn\'t mean we need him to tell us.

Style
Men, we understand fashion. You don\'t. End of story. 

But in all seriousness, compromise is key to a healthy relationship and providing you\'re not running up masses of debt with your fashionista ways, there should be no cause for his concern. What\'s more, we\'re sure that X-box game dependence or gadget habit doesn\'t come cheap either...

He should like the fact that you take pride in your appearance and be proud to have you on his arm! This of course, cuts both ways in a relationship. If you don\'t like certain outfits that your partner wears, don\'t make a negative comment that could be hurtful. Instead, comment on how gorgeous they look when they wear something you do like. After all, everyone enjoys a compliment, and you\'ll notice how much more they\'ll start wearing said outfit because it makes them feel good.

Do you fib to your man about how much you shop?

Thou shalt not mock PMS

Emotional outbursts or not, it\'s just plain rude for men to immediately assume that just because a woman is acting a certain way ‘it\'s the time of the month‘. Even when our men know that that is the case, saying it is sure way to stoke the fire.

Often, just having your man feel involved in those crazy little things called hormones is the best way to help him understand and be patient. After all, the vast majority of men aren\'t experts when it comes to our cycle - and it\'s common to fear the unknown! Take away the mystery - tell him you\'re feeling a little tender, apologise if he finds you\'re being more snappy than usual, and simply explain why (though in our experience, avoiding any terms deemed too ‘clinical\' is a safe bet to hold his attention!). You\'ll soon see his scorn turn to sympathy. \"But at the same time, don\'t burden him with it,\" says Tracey, \"and try to spend the really rough days without him around much. This could be the times he has a night out with the lads. Don\'t use him as a punching bag.\"

Does your man sympathise with \'that time of the month?\'

Thou shalt share the load

This is the 21^st century - the days of women tackling the housework and having dinner waiting for hubby when he returns from a hard day\'s work are over. You\'re both hard-working professionals, you do the similar hours and split the cost of your home, therefore it\'s only fair that the chores are split equally too. Tracey has a top tip for getting your stubborn man to change his views when it comes to pushing the hoover around.

\"Tell him this; the more housework your man does, the more sex he\'ll get!\" she states. \"A proven fact, you\'ll be less tired at the end of the day and more likely to have the energy for sex if he\'s done his share. Plus, you won\'t feel taken advantage or like a serf,\" which is likely to make you want to thank him kindly for being such a modern man!

Does your man do his fair share?

Thou shalt not practise DIY if not skilled in said department

No matter how much we may pretend to be ‘new\' women, we must admit - we do still love a man doing things around the house, be it putting up shelves, wiring plugs or even mowing the lawn. But having said that, there\'s nothing worse than when our men leave a job half-finished or, worse, completely ransack our stylish home with the over-confident use of tools that you have no idea how to use. \"Be careful here though,\" warns Tracey. \"Women are meant to be good at certain things, men are supposed to be good at DIY. You\'re allowed to criticise, but do it tactfully!\" After all, those comments about our cooking last week hurt...

Does he do your DIY or do you?

Thou shalt not ignore the finer points of grooming

While we want men to be quicker than us in the bathroom (and respect its domain), we do still appreciate a well-turned out man, and that means grooming should play a key role. In the era of new masculinity, moisturiser is no longer alien to men, and there\'s a myriad of beauty products available to men in today\'s world, from lip balm to eye cream and soothing shaving tonic to brow gel, so there\'s really no reason for your fella to feel uninformed.

Do you prefer your man with a bit of grooming or an old-school manly man?

Thou shalt never say the wrong thing...

Men should learn that when they say the absolute wrong thing, they may just find themselves sleeping on the couch! These include:

\"What have you done to your hair?\"

\"They both look the same to me.\"

\"Do you think you should be eating that.\"

While it\'s inevitable they\'re going to say the wrong thing from time to time - hey, we\'re not perfect either - simple common sense dictates that these comments are likely to be met with contempt and disdain!

Men, do so at your own peril, but don\'t say we didn\'t warn you...

Has your man ever put his foot in it?

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