Men speak Himglish, women speak Femalese
relationships,relationship,couples,relationship problem
Himglish & Femalese by Jean Hannah Edelstein
Men and women have been communicating with each other for thousands of years, but we still get our wires crossed all the time. Why? Because sometimes, it\'s like we\'re speaking two different dialects of the same language: men speak Himglish, and women speak Femalese.
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Picking up where Men Are From Mars et al left off, relationship expert Jean Hannah Edelstein has picked through the latest scientific studies along with her own anecdotal evidence to create an edgy and sublimely witty communications manual (womanual?) on sexual politics and relationships for a post-Sex And The City age. It\'s no secret that women simply don\'t get why men don\'t get them, and Edelstein\'s guide leads you through the perplexing questions of what it means to be a man or a woman, and to live with men and women, in the 21st century.
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Need some relationship advice for speaking the same language? Here are Jean Hannah Edelstein\'s top 10 tips for making relationships with Himglish speakers easier...
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Himglish & Femalese: Why Women Don\'t Get Why Men Don\'t Get Them by Jean Hannah Edelstein is published by Preface, £12.99. Click here to buy on Amazon UK.
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Say what you mean
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Woman on the phone: Relationship advice: 10 tips for learning to speak Himglish
Femalese speakers tend to express themselves indirectly, through implying things with subtle shades of meaning. It may make perfect sense to us that, \"What are you doing on Saturday? I\'ve got nothing planned...\" means \"Hey, ask me out for Saturday,\" but literally-minded speakers of Himglish often miss the point.
Don\'t over-analyse Himglish
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Fashion models: Relationship advice: 10 tips for learning to speak Himglish
Femalese speakers tend to forget that Himglish speakers aren\'t as roundabout as they are - and thus we spend an awful lot of time trying to unpick hidden meaning from statements that men believe to be very straightforward. If you have relationship problems, best to engage him in conversation rather than try to work out how he feels from a 10-word text message.
Make sure he\'s listening
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Woman: Relationship advice: 10 tips for learning to speak Himglish
By no fault of their own (it\'s the way their brains are wired), men are generally not as good at multitasking as women. Thus, if you tell a man something while he is watching television or ironing his shirts or driving or having sex, chances that he\'ll remember what you said later on are not especially good, because of his focus on the task at hand.
Respond promptly
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Woman reading text: Relationship advice: 10 tips for learning to speak Himglish
Many women swear that responding quickly to texts or phone calls somehow will make men think that they\'re too keen. But hang on a second, do you want to get involved with someone who will reject you because you like him? That\'s crazy. If you respond promptly and it\'s received warmly, things will move forward. If it\'s not received warmly then at least you\'ll know early on that he\'s not for you.
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See our top 10 text flirting tips
Make phone calls
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Woman on the phone: Relationship advice: 10 tips for learning to speak Himglish
Old-fashioned, I realise, but in the end far more efficient than attempting to carry on a conversation by text message, when limited character counts can quite often result in serious miscommunications and exhausting, endless back-and-forths. Stick with texts for confirming your plans and a wee bit of flirting.
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See our top 10 flirting tips
Talk about sex
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Couple: Relationship advice: 10 tips for learning to speak Himglish
I know, how terribly embarrassing! But the fact is that whether you are looking for something super casual or more committed, your sex life will be better if you and your partner talk about what turns each of you on, what you\'re not comfortable with, what your expectations of commitment are, etc.
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See handbag.com\'s 101 sex tips special
Draw a line between public and private
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Woman with thought bubble: Relationship advice: 10 tips for learning to speak Himglish
Thanks to the explosion of digital communication, especially social networking, over the last couple of years, we\'re increasingly getting confused about what is OK to communicate in the public sphere - and what should be kept strictly private. Fun as it may be to flirt via Twitter, don\'t forget that things that seem very romantic at one point can be rather regrettable if you don\'t keep them between the two of you.
Whenever possible, argue in person
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Couple: Relationship advice: 10 tips for learning to speak Himglish
Small spats can escalate unnecessarily when you and your other half are communicating through the filters of text or phone or email. It can be very difficult to discern how he really feels unless you can actually see his face and body language - and he yours.
Ask clear questions
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Woman with megaphone: Relationship advice: 10 tips for learning to speak Himglish
No woman wants to be labelled a nag. But the approach that many of us take to avoid this can backfire: couching a question as a statement rather than, well, a question. Thus, when a Femalese speaker remarks to her partner, \"The kitchen is a tip,\" then Mr Himglish will be likely to think that she is making a simple observation, rather than asking him to help her clean up.
If it doesn\'t work, cut the communication
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Woman: Relationship advice: 10 tips for learning to speak Himglish
It doesn\'t have to be forever. But following a break-up, even one where it seems that both former partners are quite cheerful about it, it\'s important to cease communication with your ex for a decent amount of time in order for you both to get the opportunity to regroup and reconsider and (if you want) reconfigure your relationship in to a friendship. Delete his number, trash his emails, unfollow him on Twitter and defriend him on Facebook. This doesn\'t mean you\'re not ever going to be friends in real life, it just means that you don\'t need to have easy access to photos of him with his new girlfriend when you come home on a Saturday night feeling lonely and drunk.
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