Relationship advice

20 relationship rules to love by

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Dating site eHarmony has a whole host of great relationship advice and their resident expert told us, "the more you give to someone the more they’ll simply take rather than give back. No one falls in love with someone else because the other person does everything for them. Instead, they just fall in love with them because they are them."

We’re not encouraging neglect but turning yourself into the perfect ‘50s housewife will not ensure your other half stays forever; they love you as a person not for your perfect roasties. Seek balance and equality rather than running yourself ragged for someone who doesn’t need it. (Save that for the kids, if they come.)

20 relationship rules to love by

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If you and your fella have some problems to work out it’s best not to go on the attack using language that blames or criticises. Remember the point is to try and understand the problems and why you’re both unhappy about a certain thing not to undermine or hurt each other’s feelings more than they already are. You might be angry but try and get to the root of your anger and then tell him how his actions make you feel – abandoned/insecure/taken for granted.

20 relationship rules to love by

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In the book Stop Arguing, Start Talking author Susan Quilliam compares an argument to an onion; the outer layers is the issue you are actually talking about, deeper layers represent other areas and understanding these can help you work out why those rows about nothing escalate to World War Three but a week later you can’t even remember what started it.

20 relationship rules to love by

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Even if you hated maths at school, remember this sum: 19 - 5 = happy. Count up the number of times you and your man have had sex in the past month (hopefully you’ll need both hands), then subtract the number of arguments you had in the same period. A positive result means your relationship is good. A negative number means back to school for you and your man because this sum just doesn’t add up.

20 relationship rules to love by

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Don’t ever assume they’ll never leave you. Recognise that you’re both attractive to other people.

20 relationship rules to love by

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And unfortunately this decreases the more we know we’ve won the heart of someone. After years of seeing them only through our eyes we forget how we used to see them: sexy and desperately attractive to every other woman. Try and refresh your memory and see them in that way again and desire will re-emerge along with wanting to please them sexually.

20 relationship rules to love by

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According to Relate, the relationship people, it’s far better to let your standards slip than your relationship. Don’t waste your whole weekend doing or worrying about the state of the house and instead enjoy some quality time together. After all, it’s hard to see the clutter by candlelight...

20 relationship rules to love by

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Be open to your partner’s desires, find out what pleases them, then do it.

Check out handbag's beginner's guide to sexual fantasies.

20 relationship rules to love by

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We all have a ‘love language’: how we best like to express our love and like it expressed back to us. For some, it’s touch. For others, words (or diamonds!). Relationships survive when you work out each other’s language of choice. If she likes words, he says ‘I love you’ more. He likes touch? Initiate sex more often.

Learn how to communicate effectively with our top 10 communication tips.

20 relationship rules to love by

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Laugh, giggle and play(fight) as often as possible. Use humour to diffuse potentially awkward or volatile situations. Many an argument can be laid to rest with a well timed in-joke.

20 relationship rules to love by

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It’s okay to argue, in fact you’re much better off having a row where you get everything off your chest and out in the open rather than seething inside for hours on end and not letting your partner explain why they may have upset you.

20 relationship rules to love by

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Then answer this: Do you expect your partner to be faithful to you? If you do, then you better shake off that apathy, baby. It’s called honouring your side of the bargain. If you’re in a monogamous relationship it’s reasonable for your partner to expect sex from you on a regular basis. And what's not to enjoy?

Take a look at our favourite sex positions for inspiration.

20 relationship rules to love by

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Say ‘I think you’re sexy’. Communication is important, let your partner know you enjoy and value the lusty part of your intimacy.

20 relationship rules to love by

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Sharing your life with someone means letting them in on the things that happen to and affect you. Even the small stuff; it’s this that creates intimacy in a relationship. Grand gestures are just nice bonuses.

20 relationship rules to love by

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Ultimately, a great relationship means being generous: with your time, affection and body. Make each other number one in each other’s lives and you’ll both feel appreciated, even on the bad days.

20 relationship rules to love by

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According to US sex guru Jack Morin keeping your partner attracted to you long term is a two-fold process. First you need to maintain what attracted them to you initially – a great body, quirky personality, infectious laugh. Second, they need to recognise new attractions: you being supportive, nurturing, a great parent. These two things combined will keep the relationship fresh but also develop a deep sense of intimacy.

20 relationship rules to love by

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Lust is strongly influenced by what we see. It’s insulting and disrespectful when your partner really lets themselves go. It means they’re taking you for granted. Neither sex is entitled to be considered attractive just because their partner loves them. So, jog on.

Check out handbag's pick of the best fitness DVDs for 2011.

20 relationship rules to love by

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Women nearly always try to solve problems by talking. And talking. And talking until they’re practically hoarse from talking. We think it’s just the timing of the talk that was wrong which is why our partner hasn’t responded in the way we wanted. It’s not. It’s your chat. Having the same conversation over and over again won’t work. Do something different. How would he solve the problem? Probably by taking action, so follow his lead and try a different approach.

20 relationship rules to love by

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In general, men need to feel like their sexual needs have been taken care of before they’ll make the effort to be lovey-dovey. Unfortunately, we ladies tend to work the other way around and need to feel adored before getting down and dirty. See how a bad chain reaction could start? Stop it in its tracks by making the first move.

20 relationship rules to love by

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Dan Savage the dating advice columnist and gay rights advocate who started the "It Gets Better" Project, gives the best advice – live your life. As Dan says, ‘Live a life that's worth living, one where you do what you want to do, pursue your passions. That way, if you meet someone, they'll be joining a life that's already really good. And if you don't meet anyone, you can still look back at the end and say, "You know what: I lived a really great life."’
Amen, to that.

Jetting off on your holidays soon? Don’t leave without reading our tongue-in-cheek guide to holiday hotties in ‘handbag’s guide to holiday romances’.

Tracey Cox thrills us again with her latest show-off sex positions.

Check out the only sex tips you’ll ever need with our 101 sex tips special.