Falling in love is a chemical imbalance that eventually wears off. Fact. That is why many of us start a number of promising relationships only for them to end when the honeymoon period is over. If you really want this relationship to be the one, use this newbie girlfriend survival guide to look out for some common pitfalls.
Don't let friendships go
It is easy to neglect your friends when you get a new boyfriend; I certainly neglected mine when I met my husband. Nobody held it against me in the long run. But what do you do if your friends start to complain?
Firstly, you need to examine your behaviour. Are you just seeing them less or are you actually making plans, then letting them down? If it is the former, they need to get over it. If it's the latter, try to stop it. You are obviously over-committing yourself. It's better to be honest with them, and yourself, about how you want to spend your time.
If one or more of your friends don't like your boyfriend, this really needs discussion. Are they just jealous, or have they got good reason? If he has got a flaw you are trying to ignore, it would be better to deal with it now than later.
Keep your cool when meeting his mates
Meeting his friends can be nerve-racking, but think positive. Be glad he's actually the kind of bloke who wants to introduce you to them. If one of his friends seems to dislike you, try not to make a big deal of it. Why punish your boyfriend or make him play piggy in the middle?
It is almost definitely his friend's problem anyway. Have they got a girlfriend of their own? Did they love his ex? Is it the first time your boyfriend has been so serious with someone? If it's the latter, this is certainly a positive thing.
You also need to make sure you are giving him and his friends some time together. Use this time to be with your own friends.
Avoid being a control freak
When my friend heard her newbie's favourite band was gigging recently, she was offered backstage passes and asked him to go with her. She even offered to pick him up. If she expected him to be pleased she was wrong. He told her to back off, that he wasn't used to that type of fuss and he couldn't handle it.
Sometimes, our best intentions can be seen as being controlling. Sometimes, we really are just bossy cows. In reality, you will probably have to wait a few years before you can start planning his life for him. In the meantime, hold back a little, or you just might smother (or, worse, mother) him.
Don't suppress part of your personality
In my friend's case, being single for a while had made her forget the maxim, 'treat 'em mean and keep 'em keen'. She didn't view herself as controlling - just someone who likes doing things for people. The fact that her boyfriend wasn't used to attention was sad; but, at 34, she didn't want to play games any more. She wanted to be herself, even if it meant being by herself.
Some girls will go to all kinds of lengths to keep their new man. Your friends may well be shocked if you cancel plans with them to go to the dog track with him, especially when you hate gambling, the outdoors and dogs. It is no bad thing to give new things a try and if he will watch a chick flick with you it could be an even trade.
However honesty - to yourself and to each other - is the most important thing in a relationship. Many of us are willing to mask our true personality to get the guy. But is this a healthy way to start a relationship? The fact is, the first time he sees you drunk, he is going to get a fairly good idea of the extremes of your personality anyway.
Dealing with the ex-factor
For many newbie girlfriends, his ex can be the biggest problem, especially if you are the jealous type. If they have become friends, you might like her, too. However, some girls find it hard to be in contact with the new man's ex.
If, on the other hand, the ex is in the picture for no good reason, you have to wonder why. If she still has keys to his flat, you are going to have to have it out with him, calmly, on the way to the locksmiths.
If your ex has children, this is a far more complex issue. It is unlikely you will see much of them in the early days anyway; if things progress, you will have to deal with it. You should never try to come between him and his children.
Jealousy and neediness
It took years to control my jealousy. In the end, my boyfriend asked me flat out if I trusted him. Turns out I did, so I had to let it go. If you are a jealous or needy person, this is something you will have to control. At the risk of sounding American, you can only do this when you have learned to love yourself.
And finally... sex
Many couples spend so much of their early relationship in bed they don't have time to worry about any other issues. For others, finding each other's G-spots can be the biggest worry of all. It's natural for both of you to be nervous and if sex wasn't the initial attraction, the other plus points should see you through the teething problems. It should be fun finding out anyway.
At the end of the day, new relationships are meant to be enjoyable - so enjoy. If the above problems seem insurmountable, and you are not having fun finding a balance, it might be time for that next chemical imbalance.
